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Bereavement

What do I do with her ashes?

(16 Posts)
Hazeld Fri 10-Apr-20 13:16:37

My mom passed away almost 5 years ago now and I have her ashes in a beautiful teardrop urn in my living room so it feels as though she is still with us. My OH's idea and I'm so please he suggested it. Mom always said that she didn't care what happened to her ashes after she was gone, she wouldn't be here so she wasn't bothered. I've been thinking that it was probably time I decided what I was going to do with them, I'm 67 and my OH is in his 70's and I didn't want my own children being left to decide what to do with them. I just don't know what to do. I feel that if I scatter them somewhere now, then where? I still feel I want mom with me but don't want it left to my children to do something with them when I'm gone. Any ideas please?

Scentia Fri 10-Apr-20 13:24:31

You can have things like jewels and vinyl records made out ashes.

Anniebach Fri 10-Apr-20 13:30:58

My darling daughter died just over two years, she chose cremation. Her ashes will be interred with me, she died alone,
i don’t want her buried alone.

Could you not ask your family to have your mothers ashes interred with you or scattered in your grave ?

ElaineI Fri 10-Apr-20 13:33:00

I've heard of people having a necklace similar to a locket but with ashes inside. That might be comforting then scatter them somewhere she loved or if too far somewhere you love. Obviously not just now but after lockdown is finished.

Sussexborn Fri 10-Apr-20 13:46:09

My MIL kept FIL’s ashes for about a year and said she used to talk to him and wish him good morning and goodnight. She was very straight laced but it helped her to cope. Then suddenly decided the time was right to scatter them. A whole other story but not appropriate here.

Perhaps it’s a decision that can wait? There’s too much time to think now and possibly a tendency to overthink? What do your children feel/suggest?

There are some rules as well though not sure how they can be policed unless you put it out on social media.

aggie Fri 10-Apr-20 13:50:38

My Brother in Laws ashes were buried in the family grave , you need permission from the incumbent Priest/ Minister

Tangerine Fri 10-Apr-20 14:30:56

Perhaps in your garden and then plant a bush on top. My aunt did that with my uncle's ashes and, when she moved, she took the bush. I don't know if the ashes were scattered into the earth on were in a container of some sort.

I think having them put into jewellery sounds like a good idea.

Daddima Fri 10-Apr-20 14:44:14

Aggie , here in the West of Scotland you need permission from the council, and they’ll open a bit of grave and charge you £500!
We dug up a bit of the earth around my parents’ gravestone, and sneaked my brother’s ashes in. We planted two hebes either side of the stone, and one flourished, but the one where the ashes are died very quickly!
And not at all comparable to your mum, but we had our dog’s ashes in the house for a few years, as the Bodach couldn’t face scattering them, and always said he’d go with whichever one of us died first, so he accompanied the Bodach , and I found it really comforting.

Hetty58 Fri 10-Apr-20 14:51:52

Now is just not the right time, but normally, you can get permission from your local council or whoever owns the land, to scatter the ashes in a favourite place.

I've told my children to scatter mine in any woodland of their choosing. They can have a little memorial service or family party if they want. I've pre-paid for an unaccompanied cremation so that my relatives don't have to make decisions or arrangements when I die.

vampirequeen Fri 10-Apr-20 15:03:05

Contact your local crematorium. She could be scattered over roses and flowers or under a particular tree. You could do it alone or as a family.

tanith Fri 10-Apr-20 15:05:39

What vampirequeen said.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 29-Apr-20 10:26:44

If you don't feel you want to scatter her ashes, you can leave directions in your will.

This won't of course solve the problem of where her ashes are to be scattered, but perhaps there is a place that was dear to your mother that would be suitable?

Jomarie Wed 29-Apr-20 10:33:36

I like all the suggestions on here but my favourite I think is Anniebach's

gma Wed 29-Apr-20 11:03:10

The mother of a friend passed away and left instructions that she wanted her ashes scattered from the end of a local pier on the east coast. The small family gathering duly gathered at the requested spot and deposited the ashes, followed by a bunch of her favourite flowers, into the North Sea! They were then accosted by a local, who told them, in no uncertain terms....”you are not allowed to do that, you need permission from the council” their reply was....well if you care to retrieve the ashes we will give the council a call!!! End of!!

Oopsminty Wed 29-Apr-20 11:04:28

I like all the suggestions on here but my favourite I think is Anniebach's

I agree, Jomarie

Daisymae Wed 29-Apr-20 11:24:03

Why don't you just get them interred at a cemetery? You would then have somewhere to place flowers at appropriate times?