Book Review on Bereavement

Casdon I did say we handle grief our own way . My way gets me through everyday . But because of the neverending love I still have for my husband I live my life to the full.

You don't know my journey as I don't know yours . So would never judge how you handle yours . My way to deal with my grief is not bleak it's my way and it's gotten me through things than many people would run away from .

My grief is the price I gladly pay for finding the other half of myself and to be so loved and loved in return. . Together we made a whole . The moment my husband took his last breath half of me died with him. He was the only person who will ever know the real me and me him . But I am so lucky to have have that . Some people live their whole lives and never find the other half of themselves. Grief is the price I gladly pay for having it . I was 16 he was 18 . We had 29 years and married 22 .

He was and always will be my one and only true love. And I do except my grief and have done for 21 years .

My husband lives on in my heart and mind . I am an atheist but what gives me comfort is my husband lives on in our children's and 5 grandson's DNA.

I always thought I would die first as I was born disabled . But it was my fit healthy husband who got grade 4 malignant melanoma and we knew he wouldn't live 5 years. He lived 3 dieing 4 days after his 47th birthday at home with me and our children. I had to tell him to stop fighting as he couldn't breath even on full oxygen. I told him we would be ok. He died few minutes later. But I had to let him go.

So I own my grief and it gets through whatever life throws at me .

I do think we all grieve in different ways and that may depend on how sudden the death was, or how young or old the person.

My DH died nearly two years ago, after years of gradually declining health, then a massive heart attack which he managed to survive, but his heart was too weak to fight the next infection that he encountered. I knew that he would not last much longer and accepted it. He was the one who thought he was immortal.
Of course I miss him, but he would not want me to stop living my life, drowning in grief. Yes, I often feel lonely, yes I miss having someone to come home to, tell all about what I have been doing, to share news with- and much more.
We must all do what we can, accepting whatever help works for us, ( books, courses, counselling, family, friends) living our new lives as best we can.

Like Whiff, I am finding it impossible to “let it go” and have realised I just have to live with the grief I feel every day. What I try not to do is impose it on others - this is my pain and the price of sixty years of love. It’s not going to go away so must be incorporated into my life.

Thanks Casdon. I’m in the anniversary weeks when my husband had been referred, unexpectedly, under the 2 week rule. That was three years ago in March 2022. In early April, after a series of scans and investigations, we were given the shocking and devastating news that he was at stage 4, extensively metastasise cancer with palliative care only. The following months were dominated by 3 days a week at The Christie, the impact of the treatments aimed at improving quality of life, learning a lot about cancer and, living the best lives we could surrounded by love and our family and friends.

I was with him, with our daughters in the days leading to his death. It was an exhausting, traumatic period the months diagnosis to death. I’ve tried to build a good life without him, his absence ever present but his memory also always with me. I’ve a background in therapy and that along with reading, talking with loved ones has helped I feel.
We get this day once, I try to live it well 🙏🏽

Whiff paints a bleaker picture of grief being never ending than I feel. It is all consuming for some time, but I think it’s important to reach a state of acceptance, because if you don’t you can’t enjoy the rest of your own life without being in the shadows, I don’t think any loving partner would want that for the one they leave behind. I am enjoying my life now for both of us, and I treasure happy memories. If a book could have helped me in the early years after my husband died to reach that state earlier I would definitely have read it.

I kind of agree and disagree Whiff. Anything resembling a life line can be worth grabbing hold of.

I like the writings of Julia Samuels and also Marie Curie provide a helpline. The latter is staffed by empathic people who pick up the phone and talk to you.

It's horribly isolating.

Thank you Whiff for says exactly what I was thinking, and saying it so well.

No book however well written or researched can help with grief. Grief is all consuming and you live with it every minute of the day. Only person who understands how you feel is someone going through the same thing. But we all handle grief in our own way. I hate the fact someone is making money out of grief.

Grief is never ending and for me even after 21 years the grief I feel for my husband can still be bone crushing. But the rage and anger I feel of him dieing gets me through everyday . It's my way to handle my grief .

Bet the book says I should let it go . But I won't .

So go ahead and waste your money buying a book that tells you how to grieve and make the author rich.

If you what support with your grief read some of the threads here written by people living with it everyday. And it's free.

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