I have posted on here about my toxic family. I didn't realise how bad they were until my lovely husband died almost 2 years ago. I'm the eldest sister who broke the norm by going to university. Since I was 18 yrs old my 2 sisters have been distant in manner although they only live 40 minutes by car away from me. I always had mum and dad to visit though.
My husband died suddenly 2 yrs ago and then 3 months later my dad died. mum is toxic like my sisters and mum is losing her mind. mum moved in with one of my sisters. The other sister wrote me a series of dreadful letters basically condemning my life as a waste and what a horrible person I was. The sister who has mum with her now supported me for 2 weeks when my husband died and then she expected me to stop grieving/crying and to get on with life and stop bothering her. Both sisters - their families and mum have banned me from their lives. I now have no-one. Suddenly, I found I had no birthday cards or Christmas cards. I am truly alone. In desperation I got a part time job and a nice colleague/man showed an interest in me. He has turned out to be really weird and at times frightening - luckily I didn't go out with him. So, I'm in a mess.
I tried to get jobs done around the house that my husband had planned to do but now money has run out and I'm thinking well what's the point anyway - no-one is going to visit me. I sleep through the day and night off and on and the days are just a waste.
It's coming up to the anniversary of my husband's death and also my birthday. I will get no cards or anyone thinking of my husband. I'm all alone in the world. I've spent several nights and days crying my heart out. I miss my husband so much. If I died tomorrow no-one would notice or grieve for me.
I have always tried to be loving, kind and considerate but I have always ended up being bullied or alone. I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone and treat people with respect.
I'm missing my husband dreadfully. He was the love of my life. I know I need some help so I have contacted talking therapy but due to the Covid situation it may take months before they get around to me. My doctors can't cope as they now only have one doctor- the other was sent to prison and struck off. I've tried to keep myself occupied, going for walks, hobbies but this isn't working anymore.
Has anyone got any good ideas that I can do in order to cope with the loss of my husband? Please don't be nasty in replying as I'm already squashed into the floor and stamped on.
I must be a really horrid person to end up losing a beloved husband, not being able to have children, a toxic family, bullied twice at work and to wind up so alone. Why me?
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