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No more music

(16 Posts)
hollysteers Fri 18-Sep-20 17:30:04

Will I ever be able to listen to music again? My husband died over three years ago and it is such a sorrow to me that I cannot bear classical music, which I adore and has been such a big part of my life professionally and otherwise. My husband also loved it and although not professionally involved, sang in his church choir and other choirs.
I do believe (apart from Covid) that I am coping well with the support of my adult children and before lockdown, was out of the house more than in and travelling a lot.
Light hearted and pop music is fine, but not what is, to me, the ‘real thing’.

Sark Fri 18-Sep-20 18:57:24

Music can really get to you can't it.
It 33 years since I lost my first husband but I only have to hear certain songs and I am in tears.
Sounds like you are doing as well as can be and I really hope that in time you get to enjoy listening again flowers

Lucca Fri 18-Sep-20 19:01:17

Music is very emotive. Certain songs can take me instantly back to a place or a mood. I’m sorry it makes you sad but maybe you should just give in to the sadness ?

Lucca Fri 18-Sep-20 19:03:41

My lovely father used always get teary when hearing “what is life to me without you”. (Che farò senza Eurydice) my mother rather unkindly would tease him. She didn’t do emotion....

MissAdventure Fri 18-Sep-20 19:18:20

Whenever we have a thread in here about favourite songs and their memories, it always moves me to tears.
I think sometimes you have to go with it.

I now accept that certain songs, or words from songs I've never heard before, can reduce me to tears at any time.

annodomini Fri 18-Sep-20 20:49:48

When my dad died, 30 years ago, I found a cassette of Chopin's nocturnes among his collection. I played it every night and they helped me to get to sleep in the stressful period after his death. I still go to them for comfort.

Nortsat Sat 19-Sep-20 09:16:01

I always loved Dvorak’s New World Symphony.
Then it was played at my father’s funeral ( not at our request ) and now I can’t bear to listen to it, despite the fact that the funeral was many years ago.

I have completely lost my enjoyment of that lovely work.

TwiceAsNice Sat 19-Sep-20 09:26:30

David Essex sang the song No New Years Day the week after my son died . The words are so emotive and reminded me of everything I would never get the chance to do with him. It’s 36 years ago and I still have to switch off the radio if it comes on I hate it!

Classical music always makes me cry anyway it’s so beautiful

b1zzle Sat 19-Sep-20 09:30:55

I can cope with music memories, but not 'The Winner Takes It All'. Makes me cry bitter tears.

MiniMoon Sat 19-Sep-20 10:16:00

It was my Dad who gave me my love of classical music. He loved opera, my mother couldn't stand it!
One of his favourites was the duet from The Pearl Fishers. It brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it, but they aren't tears of sadness these says , just the emotion brought on by the beautiful melody and the blending and harmony of the voices.

Floradora9 Sat 19-Sep-20 21:59:14

Nortsat when we discussed the music for my mother's funeral I said anything apart from The New World Symphony . I think it is the largo they play so often and I remember the words from an operetta based on the music . The words started " going home , going home we are going home " .

How I wish people would not play " Oh my beloved Father " thinking it is an aria about the singer's love for her father . It is a girl pleading to her father about the love of her life . I hear it so often played at funerals and it is not apt for the occassion .

NanKate Sat 19-Sep-20 22:16:08

My father often sang or whistled during the day he loved the 40s music. I can now take pleasure from his favourite tunes as they remind me of him and the many happy hours we spent together. Music can certainly affect the emotions.

paddyanne Sat 19-Sep-20 23:48:37

Could you try playing something very quietly in the background while your working.That might be a way to reintroduce the music you love without you concentrating on it .It would just seep into your subconcious and make it easier the next time to play it a little louder .There's a lot of music that makes me cry ...but thats no bad thing I think,my late father played Opera loudly with all the windows open and the sun streaming in all through my childhood and for a time after he died it used to break my heart but I found if it was just there ,almost inside my head I could cope .Now its just as loud as he played it and I love it but I still cry .Thats the price we pay for loving someone isn't it.I hope you find your way back to the second love of your life and learn to enjoy it again even if it causes tears .Take care .

OceanMama Sun 20-Sep-20 01:49:40

I'm sorry for your loss. Three years isn't very long for such a close loss. Just personal experience to share, my child died a little longer ago than your husband and there has been no music in my house since. Sometimes in the car, but singing along to music while at home is something I think might have ended permanently here.

Marmight Sun 20-Sep-20 04:16:26

I was the same Hollysteers. After my DH died I couldn't bear to listen to any classical music which had been a huge part of my life. I gave up singing completely. Then, I can’t exactly remember how much later, probably 2 or 3 years, I gradually started to listen again and joined another choir, but even now there are certain pieces which reduce me to a sobbing wreck and some which he loved, I just can’t listen to any more.
Grief does strange things to you (I couldn't eat cereal or potatoes for months & existed on yoghurt & custard ! confused)
I hope one day in the not too distant future, you’ll be able to listen and take part in ‘the real’ thing. Lockdown has not been easy for anyone but especially for those trying to cope with widowhood flowers

Fennel Sun 20-Sep-20 21:17:51

Yes music does tune in to our emotions, like nothing else.
Maybe not for everyone though.
Most evenings, after updating on my favourite tv and forums, I go onto youtube with my music favourites to calm me down.
holly - perhaps the combination of your love for your lost husband and the emotional effect of his music is too much.
But I expect he would still like you to enjoy it.
Much of my love for music comes from my dear Dad, long gone, but always remembered for his piano playing of all kinds, from Fats Waller, via Gilbert and Sullivan, to Chopin preludes.
And my Gran - Bless this House, Indian Love Lyrics etc. Which I sang to as a young child and the words are still embeded in my mind.