Best friends loss

Coconut that made me cry I too lost a child a beautiful daughter. Just be there for your friend that's all I can say she will feel very lonely I know I did ?

Silverlining48 I'm glad that your DD is doing well.For some there is a positive outcome so please dont feel disheartened by my sad post
.My Dear Mum is almost 5 years on from her battle and doing great and she is in her 70's!

My dd was diagnosed with aggressive cancer 4 years ago today. It’s been so hard, we are not through the woods but she is here. I send love and peace to all those who have lost their beloved children.

I'm so sorry for the losses so many of you have had.I send you my love and hope you find the strength to get through.
Alot of you have said to ring her,but I know she doesnt really like the phone ringing.When we could meet up,before christmas,she would be irritated with her mobile constantly ringing,so I feel only family should be calling her.Id worry that she would be having a nap,shes barely slept for the last 6 months and kept a bedside vigil for the last week as they knew the DD was dying.
I will however message daily and she knows she can ring me,and has done,when she has needed too.
It's all just so sad and cruel.Sending a virtual warm hug for anyone needing one x

My own similar experience Suggest that instead of saying “ring me any time”, which puts the decision on her, you say “I’ll give you a ring in a few days, if you aren’t up to talking, that’s fine, and you know I’ll always be there to listen if you want to ring me”.
That way, she doesn’t have to remember to ring you, I was mentally paralysed and unable to even make a decision to pick up a phone and ring someone, however close I was to them.

Thankyou everyone for reaching out and to those of you who have endured such a loss I send you my heartfelt sympathies.It is unimaginable what you have been through.
My friend has said she is unable to speak right now,and prefers to text.The family are in shock and utterly heartbroken.
I will text her daily and reinforce that I am here for anything needed,and I will leave some shopping on her doorstep next week.A friend who tragically lost her husband said that was the most helpful thing people did for her,that and not crossing the road to avoid her! Yes,some people did that!
Franbern,Merlotgran,Sandieanne,Anna275,Nanabananal,Linkypinky,you are in my thoughts Coconut,the "Cord" poem is beautiful,thankyou.
I've lost friends and family members but I have not lost a child,and I cannot imagine the pain.
Take care lovely Gransnetters,and thankyou x

I disagree with RosesAreRed21's suggestion. The worst thing I received (and binned) was a long letter from his friend - telling me all about him. I really don't know what he was thinking of!

I think merlotgran's reply (near the start) is spot on. We all grieve in different ways. Some people want to talk, others just want to be left alone.

Often, offers of help and support are too early, then, months later, when we'd appreciate a chat, it's all forgotten and in the past - to others.

So many of you have lost a child, I can’t begin to imagine your heartbreak and the strength needed to carry on. Your kindness in helping others to cope or to help their friends to help them is incredible.

My sister lost her youngest son of three, when he was 29..... it was expected! All she has ever done is talk of him ...not excessively, not unhappily.... we all let her talk and we join in with the memories of her lovely boy.... all her other kids talk of him too.... but mostly we listen ....we’ve all been talking and listening for 21 years, and we will go on talking and listening for as long as all who knew him are alive. He left a daughter, who has just made him a granddad albeit posthumously . Let her talk, and talk....and don’t forget to join in with “ oh do you recall that time when...?? “

Aw these posts make me so sad. I am sending you all a big hug and just to say you are all in my thoughts.

I lost my Son 25 years ago, two weeks after his 21st, which devastated both me and my Husband, this April I also lost my Keyworker Daughter to Covid, leaving my 4 Grandchildren without a Mum, but this time I do not have my Husband to grieve with, as he also died 3 years ago. I must admit, if it was not for my beautiful Grandchildren, I would not wish to be here, but they have suffered enough, and they need me . As for what anyone can do for people who have lost children, all I can say is, just be there for them, support and listen when they are in total despair, but do not push them if they are not ready. I am fortunate in that I have many really good friends, who have been my saviour, especially whilst shielded during this pandemic, my heart goes out anyone else in this awful position.

Our daughter in law died six months today. Her poor parents are completely devastated. There are times when her mum wants/needs to talk none stop about her. There are times when she doesn’t. It’s hard to know what to do. I keep in touch. If I think she’s sinking I let her talk about her sorrow. If I think she wants to talk about all the lovely memories we have of her then we do that. If she asks for advice I do my best. I’m not being very helpful. Just make sure you keep in touch Regularly and follow her lead and your instincts.
I’m so sorry for all of the posters loss of their children and send you all my condolences.

So sorry and sad for everyone on here who has lost a child at any age

Keep in touch with your friend Purplestar don't wait for her to contact you. She may not want to talk sometimes other times she will. Don't avoid the subject of her daughter let her express her grief. You are a good friend to her I think.

I lost my daughter 14 years ago through a horrific accident, she was 32, I was on my own at the time, and the most comforting thing was friends who stayed in touch and didn't avoid me. So I would say phone often and don't worry about saying the wrong thing.

Please don't think I am linking your friends child to a cat or trying to make light of the pain she is feeling but when a good friend of mind who was in her 60's and had never married or had children and thought of her cat as her child suddenly disappeared she was bereft. I had a star named after the cat. It did wonders for her and she often used to look at the sky and would think of it. Other than that the only thing you can do is be a open ear and as others have rightly said just be there for her.

Contact your friend and do keep in touch with her, even a quick text or email regularly over the next few months to let her know you are there for her. She may not reach out to you right now but needs to know she can.
So terribly sad. I lost my lovely husband very suddenly two yrs ago yesterday and am sitting with my darling Dad right now as his life slowly ebbs away. The pain of loss is huge but knowing your friends are there is a great comfort.
Xx

I’m another one in these tragic circumstances. I lost my beautiful, youngest son just 20 months ago to cancer. Nothing at all has brought me comfort except the presence of family especially his son who was 8 months old when his daddy died.
One of the worst parts of the Covid situation is not being able to be with family.
Acknowledging that your friend may never be fine again but that you will always be there for her might help. Maybe leaning on a friend may be easier than family as they are still suffering in their own way.
Hugs to everyone suffering bereavement, I’m not sure even if time helps, we can only hope.

Reading these sad stories has made me realise how much my grandmother must have grieved when my father died suddenly. He was 48 (I was 25 and my brother and sister a little younger) and his mother was 68. Obviously my mum was devastated and my siblings and I were in bits. I can remember at the funeral mum introducing my grandmother and step-grandfather to the vicar. They were sitting in the front row but no one really noticed them. Dad was the light of his mother’s life. She even had a special calendar for his activities hanging up in her kitchen. Sadly, she didn’t do well after dad’s death and died two or three years later. Two of my children share her birthday - two years apart. My suggestion for bereaved friends is a handwritten note early on, a beautiful bunch of flowers a few days later and maybe a cake to help feed the people who will pop round.

Such sad heartbreaking stories, to all of you my condolences for your loss of precious ones.
You are all right, be there for those suffering now and in the future. Good close friends you count on one hand and they bring support and love.

I would write her a long letter telling her how sorry you are and highlighted all the good memories that you had with her and her daughter. Something that she will treasure for a long time to come. Initially the letter will upset her, but it will mean so much, at times like this we want talk about the good times, remember them with fondness and it means such a lot coming from other people.

So sad for your friend. There are some lovely cards available or maybe some flowers. I agree about keeping in touch and being there for her?

A short note saying you are there if she needs to talk on the phone and maybe send her flowers Her daughter's soul flies free x

This is heartbreaking. I agree with those who are saying stay in touch - don't simply say "ring me anytime" - but stay making connections for the long haul. Of course be measured - you don't want her to feel you are ringing too much - but continue to be there and ask her if it is working for her. Every call could begin with something like "Is this a good time to talk?" You cannot take away the pain, but you can be with her on her journey now.

Talk to her. When my husband died, lots of people very kindly said 'If you want to talk anytime, just call me, or if there is anything I can do just ask.'
But there was nothing they could do, and I found it too hard to initiate a phone call to talk, so I never did. But they never contacted me either. I even saw people in the street who I would have loved to talk to, but they ducked into shops, pretending they hadn't seen me.
I know it wasn't meant to hurt, but that they just didn't know what to say.
But they only had to say 'how are you doing, are you OK?
I remember my mother speaking to a bereaved colleague, who was so happy that someone had actually spoken to her.
So give her a little space, but don't wait for her to contact you, because she probably just can't. But she needs you to contact her.