Simple funeral and people kept away

Should read funeral director of course.

My H died 2years ago aged 83, he had had dementia for several years but was diagnosed with cancer just weeks before he died.
In that last week everyone he loved and who loved him said their goodbyes and I sat with him most of the day, I was holding his hand when he died.
We had discussed when we were younger our feelings about funerals and neither wanted one.
I used a local funeral director who couldn’t have been more understanding and my H was taken to his Chapel of rest and then to the crematorium early one morning.
Only I knew the day and the time and no one but the funeral and his staff were present.
I was very happy with my decision and I have told my family I want just the same for me.
His ashes are in my wardrobe waiting for mine to join them and we will be scattered together at places my family know about.

Bbevan
That sounds awesome!

I've asked my children to be the only ones at my cremation (if they are willing/able, of course). If any more are there I will come back and haunt them. More fool them if they waste hard earned cash on the current rip-offs. That's not my idea of a measure of love.

Bunny1 I realise you first posted in january so not current...but, it is none of your business and you really should mind your own.....This is what causes neighbours fall outs.

I know, when the time comes, I won’t be in a good place if my husband goes before me. The funeral you describe is probably what I’d want. Just children/ grandchildren. Certainly no wake. The others can if they want, but I know I wouldn’t be able to.

Obviously, if she had something to do with his death, that could explain it too. However, I imagine people deal with grief in many different ways.

A funeral we attended a few months ago consisted of just 5 of us having a glass of wine and nibbles and reminiscing about the departed (an atheist who’d not wanted any fuss) in the crem chapel, with him in his coffin nearby. I didn’t know him well but apparently he’d have approved thoroughly.

As for ‘suitable’ clothes, my father hated my mother wearing anything black, so for his funeral she wore a brightly patterned, largely red dress, and requested no black on anyone else.

My DF had also said he’d come back and haunt anyone who wasted money on flowers for his funeral. So there was just one very small posy on the coffin, placed by my mother, since she’d have loved him to come back and haunt her!

Did you know about the investigation when you posted your original message, Bunny1? If you did, I suspect that your motives for asking for our thoughts were not puzzlement, but more a plan to spread the gossip.

Bunny1

Thanks for all your comments. There have been investigations by the son because of problems with the estate, and he has uncovered evidence which shows that she caused her husband's death! Shocking!

That she caused her husband's death is more extraordinary than the funeral arrangements!!

Is nothing!

Shocking indeed! However to his really is nothing to do with you !

There is also a Direct’ funeral. The deceased is taken to the crematorium. ( sorry but I really dislike ‘the crem ’) . The ashes are offered to the family sometime later. Apparently Anita Brookner chose this type of departure. No people, no coffin, no flowers, nothing. Just celebrate their life in the way you may want. The choice these days is yours.

If true, that is shocking.

As far as funerals in general, after the last one I had to organise, any future funerals I have to organise will be small, no bells and whistles. Lots of reasons for that that have nothing to do with cost.

Please don't judge people for what they wear to funerals. What matters is that they are there. I remember going to a family funeral after recently giving birth. None of my nicer clothes fit my post-birth shape and I didn't have the time or money to go shopping for something just for the funeral. It was enough to organise the family. Yet I remember the look up and down my childless BIL gave me for wearing what I wore.

Thanks for all your comments. There have been investigations by the son because of problems with the estate, and he has uncovered evidence which shows that she caused her husband's death! Shocking!

Have to confess I am puzzled by your post OP. The funeral you are discussing took place in 2019, the wife's was late last year, and you don't mention hers at all. Why bring it up in a thread in 2021 out of the blue?

I have already booked my funeral with Pure cremation when I pass they will come and collect the body,take it up to Hertfordshire I think it is,cremate it and then bring me back to Devon in a box and give to my family and they can then spread my ashes where I have asked them to be spread. I certainly do not want a big funeral and I don’t want my family stood in the crematorium..... when they are ready be it the next day or the next year they can hopefully fulfil my wishes and then I have asked that they book into a nice restaurant for a lovely meal and to raise a glass... (Hopefully will be out of Covid by the time I pass!!)Each to their own....

Just the sort of funeral, I would love, were I alive to be there!

I have made it clear to my family that I want a minimalist funeral, very immediate family and one or two long term friends and no more.

Just because you like big funerals, Bunny1, doesn't mean everyone does, nor do you know anything of any discussions this couple may have had over the years about what kind of funeral each would like. The days of mourning clothes have gone and people wear there ordinary clothes to funerals.

I don’t really understand why you want to know about what someone else did at a funeral, you are detailing sooo much, why are you making it your business anyway, and saying they certainly had the money to afford a grander ceremony!!your post is shocking bunny1

Funerals are for the living

She chose what fit her circumstances.
Regarding how she invited or whom she invited, there could be more than meets the eye

Yes who knows what the couple decided about the funeral, I don't understand your interest in this Bunny not everyone wants a big funeral with all the attendant expense.

I agree with paddyanne. She's said it all.

Well 75 is bloody young if you are 75 and I don’t understand what business is it of yours anyway
You seem overly interested in someone else’s decisions and seem to know everything bar the colour of her underwear..... pretty unbelievable it happened over a year ago and the amount of details you have retained seems really really weird
Just get on with your own life in what ever way you can and let others make decisions about theirs

Sounds good to me. The things you list, loads of people, limousines, a funeral booklet, a wake, my idea of a nightmare.

I’m the person watching all that pantomime and thinking ‘What on earth is that all about?”

Each to their own.

We have a local company who offer "simple cremations". I assume they primarily appeal to two groups of people; those who have chosen this type of service and, those who can't afford the more traditional type.
The simple cremation involves removal of the deceased to the chapel of rest and, a simple coffin. On the day, the deceased is taken to the crematorium, in a private ambulance, for a 9am service. Mourners are not allowed in but can obviously stand outside to see the deceased taken in. They do not have flowers and, there isn't a place allocated for any (obviously you can still place them within the grounds).
Perhaps this is the type of service your neighbour had. If so, there wouldn't be any point inviting people or, wearing anything other than casual clothing.
I appreciate this wouldn't be for everyone but, I doubt anyone knows what his final wishes were, apart from his now deceased wife.
I have to say, my lovely dad would have been more than happy to have his body disposed of in this way.

Well that is what she choose. Who knows the reasoning behind it but has to be respected. Big funerals are not always 'wonderful'... I would say respect her wishes.