Pain of loss

Sending you flowers ? and a hug x

Marketkat

I’ve had lots of loss in my life, besides my son and brother.
You won’t ever get over your losses skyblue, they are part of who you are now, I lost my son and my brother in 4 weeks of each other, 2 years now and I grieve for them everyday. It is nit selfish to want to die, I want to die everyday and whilst I would never do anything to harm myself I just wouldn’t mind if it came my way. Wanting to die is not the same as being suicidal. Many people who have had little or no loss in their life think we can just decide to be happy, but it doesn’t work like that. We are sad for a very specific reason and we have a right to be how we feel. I live my life the best way I can without my son who was my life, I am not the same person I used to be, I miss her, but I wouldn’t have missed having my son for all the world, he was the best son I could have asked for. So I may have the odd smile or laugh or just be getting on, but nothing changes the fact my son has died and I want to be where he is.

That's a lot of loss to deal with. We all have our own ways of coping and sometimes that is resting up when needed (grief is exhausting!) or keeping busy. I found giving myself permission to just do what was needed in the moment helped a lot. I also get into nature a lot. It does get easier in time. Being realistic, it is always there, but it eases in intensity. Grief counselling can help too.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Life can be so unbearably cruel at times.
We all express our grief in different ways but for me the immediate relief comes from tears. Allow yourself to cry.
Gather those who knew your loved ones around you, and also tell strangers about them. Some find bereavement counselling can help.
Be kind to yourself- take time to do things you enjoy too. This may be hard because you don't want to enjoy anything when you're in a bad place, but even small things will lead to getting 'yourself' back.
Like everything else, nothing ever lasts for ever but this loss will change you even if and when the pain subsides.
Wanting to be with them is understandable but selfish- there are people around you who need you and would be equally stricken by a further loss.
You have a long hard road ahead but it will get easier. Life always goes on. Seek out people who know and understand, I hope you will find some here.

I can’t advise but you have had multiple losses in a short time so the pain will be very sharp. I wonder if taking things one day at a time, don’t expect too much of yourself, you will have bad days and that is the price of love. One foot in front of the other and seek the love and support of friends and family. It takes time, a long time, take care of yourself and come back on here when you need to. There are many of us who have lost those dear to us. All will be well, in time.