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Bereavement

Feeling lost …

(23 Posts)
Anneishere Wed 16-Jun-21 09:57:53

My husband passed away in 2008. I met him when I was aged 17 years and married when I just turned 19 years. We were married for 36years. Took me some time to start seeing a light at end of tunnel but eventually you do - you just have to accept the big change in your life - nothing in life
is permanent. Upto now I have managed pretty well & coping but of course I still would think of him on many occasions but that is only natural. However, this morning I got up and I have this horrible strong overwhelming feeling of sadness. I keep thinking and wishing he was here. I felt this sadness creeping over me last night. It is much same feeling I had not long after my husband died. I just so wish he was here now. I think since virus I probably look at couples my age and just wish I had someone to bounce off. Just to sit down, have a coffee
& watch news together and then we both have a good old moan about the whole situation. Simple things! Going shopping together with our masks on - stupid things! I am Just feeling so sad. No doubt this feeling will pass but how I wish we could have had a few more years together- I even miss our stupid arguments! Don’t think this damn virus has helped.

dragonfly46 Wed 16-Jun-21 10:03:40

I am not in your situation Annieshere but I couldn't read your post without sending you a giant virtual hug flowers

GrannyGravy13 Wed 16-Jun-21 10:06:28

Not the same I know, our mum died four years ago and I wake up some mornings with a grey cloak over my feelings.

I go through all the what-ifs have a good cry and have a quiet day.

Wishing you well

Americanpie Wed 16-Jun-21 10:16:27

Anne,
I feel for you. I think this lock down has gone on for far too long and we all have virus fatigue. Your feelings are probably being magnified by this. Is there anyone you can reach out to?
Sometimes it helps just to talk and rant away even if the other person stays silent. I am a strong character but I don't mind admitting I've nearly lost the plot recently. Take care of yourself.

Sar53 Wed 16-Jun-21 10:31:48

Annieshere, I'm so sorry that you feel like this. I still have my DH but I have days where I feel very sad and tearful. This last year has been very hard on so many people.
Please continue to come here for support. A big hug from me flowers xx

Blossoming Wed 16-Jun-21 10:38:54

So sorry you are feeling so sad, sometimes things just hit you out of the blue and it’s such a powerful feeling. As others have said I think lockdown and Covid have had a terrible effect on us mentally. Do you have someone you could talk to? I hope you can find some things to make you feel better. Maybe today could be a day for memories and reflection flowers

CafeAuLait Wed 16-Jun-21 10:38:59

I'm sorry Anneishere. I think it's normal to have these days and significant events, like living through this pandemic, do bring it home. I lost a child and I often wonder how they would have coped and handled this. I've even thought about them suddenly turning up and all they have to catch up on - like, hey, we're locked down. Not rational but it's where my head goes. It makes sense you think about being able to share this with your husband. flowers

glammanana Wed 16-Jun-21 10:43:08

Annieshere I can understand your sadness I lost my lovely man 18mths ago I still feel his presence and long for him to walk through the door once again.
This last lockdown has affected me more than the last two for some reason and as you say seeing couples out together pulls on your heart strings.
Sending HUGS & flowers

Anniebach Wed 16-Jun-21 11:13:43

Please may I say with sympathy for all who miss their husbands, I can understand you miss the years you spent with your husband but you had many years , I had only 8 years then my husband was killed. He didn’t see his daughters grow up, didn’t see his grandchildren, for me he is still 30, it must be
painful thinking of these times you now miss but please be happy you had those years .

Sending hugs x

Shelflife Wed 16-Jun-21 11:15:53

Annieshere, I am not in your situation but my heart goes out to you. So sorry you are feeling very sad today. Certainly the pandemic has a part to play, however I sense how lost and lonely you feel just now. You have done so well since your husband passed away although I recognize the loss will always be with you, I hope and think you will begin to feel happier very soon. Not for me to give advise - I recognize that, but I feel sure your lovely husband would want you to smile 😊. Be kind to yourself, good on you for reaching out on GN . Coffee date with a good friend may help a little? Take care.

Luckygirl Wed 16-Jun-21 12:30:08

I am sorry that this is a bad day for you. They come to all of us who have been widowed and arrive unbidden and for no particular reason that we can see.

I think we have to go with the flow and accept that there will be these moments. I find that this lovely sunny weather helps me - I am lucky to live near to commons, woods and fields and they lift my spirits.

Could you take a trip out to somewhere where nature can do its healing job?

I do understand how difficult it can be to see all the couples out there. flowers

Esspee Wed 16-Jun-21 13:01:00

I find bereavement depression comes in waves. I know my mum still felt the loss of my brother especially deeply at times for her whole life.
I can often work out what has caused me to slip into depression. The smell of lavender for example is a trigger as I used lavender oil to give foot massages to my husband before he passed away.
My recommendation Anne is to speak to your doctor. They can prescribe medication to help you deal with the depression. It takes weeks to raise your serotonin levels to normal level so please don't delay seeking help.
Sending a big hug.

Hithere Wed 16-Jun-21 14:05:28

OP

I am so sorry for your loss.

Would grief counseling help you,

dogsmother Wed 16-Jun-21 16:32:42

💝 cyberhugs to you.

Kim19 Wed 16-Jun-21 16:39:10

Yes, agreed, it's a rubbish situation. Just sometimes more rubbish than others. No known cure I'm afraid.🌷

AGAA4 Wed 16-Jun-21 16:51:08

I do understand. Those feelings can come and go when you least expect them. The pandemic has been especially hard on those who have lost loved ones.

Perdido Wed 16-Jun-21 17:11:40

Annie. My timeframe is very similar to you own. I met my DH when I was 16 and he was 20. We married four years later and were very happy. He died suddenly when he was 55.

I have also managed pretty well. You have to, don't you but every now and again the overwhelming sadness of bereavement comes back.

He would have been 70 this year and I have finally reached pension age. I sat and had a good cry on his birthday. I was trying to imagine him as an old(er) man and wondering how we might have spent our retirement together. Knowing we will never have that felt almost unbearable.

I know I was very lucky to have this lovely man in my life for 36 years altogether. I miss his love and his kindness and his conversation and company never more so than these last fourteen months.

Annie, that crying jag of mine was four months ago now and it has passed. I'm going out more and starting to enjoy the things I used to before everything shut down. I hope this sadness you feel soon passes for you too.

nexus63 Wed 16-Jun-21 20:22:05

my partner and i had been together for 18 years, we met after loosing our husband/wife, his funeral was last week, i am struggling to come to terms with this, we decided early in our relationship not to marry or live together full time, we spent so much time together and phoned each other 10/15 times a day, his illness was sudden and i could not see him as i was in hospital, after 3 weeks we all knew that he was not coming home, i got to say goodbye and told him that i would be fine and not to worry....could not tell him i have been diagnosed with cancer again. the sadness just washes over me, i see something funny and pick up the phone to call him. i was widowed at 39 now again at 57, i can't face clearing his things and just feel so lost, i know i will get over it in time, i think some of the sadness is knowing i will now spend the rest of my life on my own and like you i will miss all the little things like shopping and moaning about the news/weather or whatever. please stay strong , lots of hugs x

madeleine45 Wed 14-Jul-21 13:56:40

My husband died 5 years ago and of course I miss him all the time. I have had to face leaving the home and garden I loved and just about coped with it all but have not been able to see my grandson for more than 7 months and he has been in alder hey hospital, I am also coping with cancer treatment so have been shielding for a long time and it is tough. Yesterday I was told of a friends sudden death. She had not been ill as far as I know so it was a shock, and with the situation as it is dont even think I can go to her funeral. It is such a struggle at the moment, I just feel so sad about all of it and feel I had managed to slowly claw myself out of the worst of the depression and to start doing a few things but now I feel near to tears and very depressed all the time, and it has made me feel so down about my husband and my grandson and my own situation. I live alone and the worst thing is the lack of touch or a hug from anyone. Nothing I can do, just get through each day best as I can. I am a singer and music is so important to my life and we are not able to even go and sing at the funeral.Now with them letting people go out without masks I will be even more confined . Sorry to sound so miserable and I dont think there is anything I can do except just get through the days and know that eventually it will pass but it is hard right now. Have to carry on with the cancer treatment and look towards the end of it and hope things will improve. It has been good to just be able to write this down anyway.

sharon103 Wed 14-Jul-21 14:17:03

Love, hugs and flowers to all that are struggling.
I hope better days are not too far away.

hulahoop Wed 14-Jul-21 14:31:01

I have virtually stopped posting but just had to send virtual hugs and 💐 to all of you what are struggling .

Whiff Wed 14-Jul-21 16:19:35

Madeline I was widowed 17 years ago aged 45. My husband was 47. I still find it hard to cope at times even after all these years. When our other halves died we also lose our present and future. It's had to make a new present and future on your own. Even after all these years I sometimes feel like a tidal wave of grief over whelm me and find tears running down my face.

It's only been 5 years for you it's still early days plus having your grandson ill and coping with cancer yourself. You have a lot to deal with. It makes the lose of your husband all the worse. My husband was my one and only. I was 16 he was 18 when we started courting. Had 29 years as a couple married for 22 years.

I still hate the empty bed. What has helped me is my husband knew what I needed to carry on without him. So he made me promise a lot of things but the main was to live the best life I can. And I do. I talk to him everyday and that gives me comfort. At times I am have shouted at him for leaving me and even swore at him. But it's normal. Took me a long time to realise all the feelings I felt where normal. Anger and rage is all part of grieving.

Don't apologise for feeling miserable you have every right to feel that way. Just take it one day at a time. And you will get through it. 💐🤗

Skyblue2 Wed 14-Jul-21 17:17:25

I am so sorry to hear of your sadness and loss. It is a very painful time and learning to live with that loss is so very hard. It seems that this is part and parcel of all of our experience as people. Sometimes new people can come into your life and hopefully after COVID there will be opportunities again to meet others. Sending a big hug x