Thoughts on a Direct Cremation

The thing I`m wondering about is, when a person dies, and the chosen undertaker collects the body, do they still "prepare" it as normal, ready for the Simple Cremation people to collect? If so, is there another charge for that on top of the price quoted by Simple Cremations? I`ve informed all 5 of my children about what I want, but need to find out exactly how much it will cost me/them when the time comes.

hi, that was my thoughts exactly allow my close family to celebrate my life with people who i cared about and who cared about me. It also means i may be able to leave little more behind to my kids and grandkids.

I've told mine that I want direct cremation and where I want my ashes scattered. All fine with that.

Did she ask for them to be scattered?

Mum said she wanted to be cremated, but I could never find out where she wanted her ashes scattered. So I’ve had them for 18 months now dithering.

She told me where she didn’t want them scattered but not where.

I like the idea of direct cremation. No fuss, no one having to pretend they liked you, no one having to take a day off work, no vicar making speeches about your life when they've never even met you.

It works for me.

Update after having the chat.

My kids are happy for me to do as I please. They are glad I am getting what I want. They even helped find me a plan with company called compare funerals. (they can upgrade it if they ever want to)

It cost £1,195 they are happy to have the spare 3 or 4 thousand that would of been spent on a funeral.

I really dreaded having the conversation but was taken aback how mature my kids are. Thank you all so much for your advice and support.

We have just this week sent my dearest FiL off to be cremated alone and await the return of his ashes. It is what he wanted, it wasn’t about what we wanted. If he can’t get his own way on his final request then God help us all. Funerals are just for the living.

Yes it is what we both want and when the ashes are returned a get together and the scattering of the ashes followed by a slap up meal. My children know this the plan and are ok with it

Yeah definitely what I want. My dad died 11 years ago now and this is what he wanted and exactly what he got. He was the best dad you could wish for but very emotional too.
He couldn’t bear the thought of us all being upset bless him. I have told my dh and our two boys, what I want I have also written a letter with my wishes in .

Soroptimum

Just looked up what Direct Cremation was and to me it sounds awful. When my FIL died, the family had a church service, and then he went off in the hearse to the Crematorium on his own. I thought it was dreadful that we didn’t follow him to the end, as it were.

I followed my husband to the end. After personally conducting the funeral I followed him and I can still see the flames licking around the coffin.
I was told it is rare for family to do this.

When my time comes I don't want a funeral. Burn and return sounds ideal to me.

I have only two requests .
1). Cremation
2). Nothing religious

Other than that , my family can do as they please. I won’t have a clue what is going on.

Having had to arrange funerals for both of my parents, the only thing that I knew was that they wanted to be cremated. Hymns, venue, flowers etc we had to guess on.
In fact, for my father's funeral, we really upset one of my aunts, to the point that she didn't speak to me until she died !
Dad wasn't a church goer and wasn't impressed with the local vicar, so we just had a service at the crem - that was wrong because my dad used to go to church as a child, so we should have had a church service, and the hearse we chose, knowing dads lifelong love of motorcycles in all shapes and forms, we chose a motorbike and sidecar - aunt's reaction I found out earlier was "If I known THAT was going to happen I wouldn't have come!!"
I think you family will be very pleased if you put plans in place - my sister's in laws had also pre paid and planned out their funeral - venue, hymns, music, burial/cremation , so that is an alternative.
Believe me , at one of the worst times in your life, when you have so much to deal with, knowing it is what the deceased wanted, makes life so much easier for those left behind.

DH and I are definitely burn and return. I can't think of anything worse than a load of people who didn't give me the time of day turning up for the free food and drink. Whether you're religious and have gone to a better (or worse) place or non religious and have just ceased to exist, you're actually not there. It's just the disposal of your shell.

I have booked my cremation and paid for it. I don’t have any religious beliefs, no friends and only my three children would have attended my funeral. When you are dead you are just a lump of old meat so the cheapest and quickest way to dispose of remains is best. As my old next door neighbour used to say ‘fling me on the compost heap, love’.
I think mine is with simple cremations, they will collect anytime and return ashes to children. I’m not even bothered about my ashes, my husbands are sat on top of a cupboard in an urn inside a cardboard box. I give them little thought because he’s not there. He is in my heart and in my children and grandchildren.
I can now live without worrying about whether my children could afford to pay for my funeral. One simple phone call when I die and that’s it sorted for them.

A relative recently had a direct cremation the day after he died and then his wife planned a memorial service for a few weeks later which seemed to work for them.

I am a church going and I think I will be going to have a direct cremation and then have a thanksgiving service in my church and a later date. My feeling is that when you die you don’t need your body anymore so therefore my body does not need to be in the church to have a service to remember me.

I absolutely don't want a funeral and have told my family.

DH and I are doing this, I suppose we should make the arrangements now but once we are fully retired and all the lump sums are in we will pay for the cremations. We were influenced by other funerals we have attended, particularly my mother's, where a great many people who never bothered to visit her when she was alive turned up, talked to each other and consumed a huge tea and lots of booze at our expense. Most of them didn't even want to attend her very jolly 90th birthday party. We have told our sons what we want and they are 100% in agreement, we will ask them to arrange a little family gathering to celebrate our lives, if they want to, and hope it involves good food and wine, but for the people who really meant something to us. I'm a buddhist and DH has no religion so nothing to attract us to a religious ceremony. There is nothing sadder than gathering in a dull municipal crematorium for your allotted 30 minutes with recorded music, officiated by someone who probably never met you. No thank you to that.

My mother past away just a year ago. She had arranged for her body to be donated to medical science but due to covid that could not happen.
We decided on a no service cremation and the ashes were held at the crematorium. Some months later when we could have a get together we collected her ashes and scattered them at a place she loved then had a get together with family and friends.

It was a great day and no where as expensive or stressful as a funeral.
My mum would have approved and I’m sure she surveys her surrounds daily.

In my understanding, a direct or simple cremation is one where no one is present and the body is tipped unceremoniously into the fire. The ashes are returned to the family, who can do what they want, when they want.

We’ve paid for a ‘no frills’ cremation for us both. We did discuss this with the children, they were not happy with the direct cremation option.

Hi all thank you so much for your feedback, I am going to have the ''chat'' with my son and daughter this afternoon . I think some of you are right it a funeral is for the people left behind. Maybe my kids would prefer the money saved though we shall see.

I think one of these would work well, a combination of covid and never really knowing whats round the corner plus much less expensive than having a funeral (which I don't want), l think my kids could make much better use of £4-5k!

tidyskatemum

I have a friend who wants to leave her body to science. She says they will be amazed that her liver lasted so long!

My parents both did this. They accepted my father when the time came, but not my mother - don’t know why. So we had to have a funeral, which nobody had wanted, least of all her. We didn’t know then (1997) about direct cremations. My sister-in-law’s mother had a direct cremation, I think called a simple cremation. So much better.

If families want to celebrate a life they can have a big family lunch, as we did for my father.

Just looked up what Direct Cremation was and to me it sounds awful. When my FIL died, the family had a church service, and then he went off in the hearse to the Crematorium on his own. I thought it was dreadful that we didn’t follow him to the end, as it were.