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Alienation From Someone

(10 Posts)
happycatholicwife1 Sat 26-Nov-22 21:57:07

I am alienated from someone I once loved very much. We now have what I would call a superficial relationship. We don't see each other very often, and we don't talk very often. When we do, I can feel myself getting stiff with tension trying to predict where the conversation will go, and trying to prepare myself to say something that makes sense but that does not pin me down to one opinion or another very much. I find that just the wrong word, at the wrong time, really causes this person to get angry. It's a person I sort of need to communicate with, but there's much more anxiety for me in the relationship. The reward is all in the past. Does anyone else out there have a sort of sparring relationship which they feel compelled to keep going, but which, nevertheless, always makes them anxious?

Hithere Sat 26-Nov-22 22:06:09

The key here is why you feel the compulsion to keep this relationship going - work related, a divorce coparenting situation, family or social perceived obligation, etc

If there is truly a need to interact with this person and cannot be avoided, stick to the point and get it done fast, no need for small talk

silverlining48 Sat 26-Nov-22 23:32:50

The relationship is causing you stress so I don’t understand why you feel you need to continue with it. Why not gradually leave longer gaps between meeting see how you feel then and by then you will know if you want to continue or let it fade away.

welbeck Sun 27-Nov-22 04:05:49

if you have to pass on information, could you do it by email ? eg,
hello yoz, hope you are well.
just to let you know, suzy's great aunt agatha died last week. thought you'd like to know, in case you see suzy. all the best, hcw.

LRavenscroft Sun 27-Nov-22 11:42:43

Your post seems to be shrouded in mystery. You must ask yourself what sort of connection do you have with this person? Is it familial? Do you need to be in touch with them if it causes ructions? Do you stay in touch through a sense of duty like I did with my late aunt? Are you after a peaceful life in your golden years? Do you need to put yourself first now?

Whiff Mon 28-Nov-22 06:41:41

Happy is this because of bereavement that you have to keep in touch . As this is a bereavement forum . But you don't say if it is. To be honest if it is causing you this much stress I wouldn't contact them for months and see if they contact you. If they don't you know the relationship is over. Life is to short to bother with people who don't care about you and who take pleasure in hurting you. 💐

Allsorts Mon 28-Nov-22 06:59:45

Happy, Whiffs last sentence really says it all. Don’t be with people that bring you down however good it was once. There is no point for either of you,

OnwardandUpward Mon 28-Nov-22 09:09:04

Hi Happy , I'm sorry you have this strained relationship.

Why do you keep in contact with this person? If its from guilt, obligation or fear, that's not going to bring you peace.

Christmas is a special time. Some relationships feel like a bereavement even though they are alive, because the estrangement is so painful. I am estranged from my son and I let him have the last word because to answer him would have prolonged the insults. I chose peace and didn't answer. It was hard and I do miss him, but until he finds forgiveness and peace we have no future except pain and drama.

I really hope you can find peace on this.

Redhead56 Mon 28-Nov-22 09:28:03

It’s not easy making the decision to walk away from a relationship with someone no matter who it is. However if you feel discomfort in any way with someone you have to it’s not healthy feeling uncomfortable with someone.
You will feel peace eventually and realise how easy it is to leave someone in the past who for whatever reason you don’t need anymore.

OnwardandUpward Mon 28-Nov-22 18:04:29

That's a good point Readhead56.