One month on

My husband died in early October 2022. I’m going through all the stages of grief, sometimes over the course of one day. We had 42 years loving years together. I miss him all the time. I’ve been busy with all the admin, which isn’t finished yet.
So many firsts - his birthday and now Christmas. It’s hard. I have good family and friends. I’m doing the best I can. I talk with him. Today I did some Christmas shopping, cards, wrapping paper, 4 gifts. A bit of me wants to opt out but I don’t think that would help me or my loved ones.

Bankhurst you don't ,you just learn to cope with each day. When you lose the other half of yourself you lose your present and future. And it's very hard to make new.

It's very early days for you . I don't want you to do what I did and thought I had to be strong for my children . So I ended hurting myself by not letting my feelings out until I was alone in my bed. What a fool I was .

What ever you feel is right. If you want to scream ,shout ,swear or hit a pillow do it. Talk to your loved one out loud everyday . I promise it will give you comfort. I have shouted and swore at my husband and blamed him for dieing . Then I see him with that stupid grin on his face and it's all ok . What shocked me was the rage and anger I felt. Thought I was being wicked feeling like that but it's normal . You will feel every emotion under the sun.

You must look after yourself. I didn't want to bother washing or brushing my teeth but I had to and it's hard because I felt what was the point.

My husband died in 2004 aged 47 I was 45. He was my one and only. When the person who is the other half of you dies there is no one in the world who knows the real you. As you where the only 2 people who knew eachother and loved everything about eachother even the things that drove eachother mad.

In my experience love never dies but neither does grief. For me the grief has gotten worse over the years as my husband has missed so much. But I have learnt to live with it and make a new life for myself on my own. Because at the end of the day we are all alone . I still hate the empty side of my bed and still sleep on my side. But my husband is always with me in my heart and mind .

Take each day one at a time and then a week has gone by ,a month a year .

It's to early for you to feel that way so just give yourself time. Only do what has to be done the rest can wait until you are ready.

Take care .

There's not a day that goes by I don't wish he was with me . I am atheist but what gives me comfort is my children and grandson's have part of his DNA.

But I feel lucky I loved and was so loved in return as some people go through whole lives and never have that.

It’s very difficult Bankhurst my condolences on your loss. I still find it hard with no one to sit and do nothing with and it’s been 4 yrs. People do find local groups and expand their circle that way but I find that very difficult, my iPad provides some entertainment. I’m not sure what the answer is but I’m sure you’ll get lots of suggestions here.

💐
Thinking of you.
It's been almost 9 months since my husband died. We had been a couple for over 50 years.
The way I try to come to terms with my loss is by keeping busy. Friends and family have been a Godsend in this respect. Lots of invites and inclusion in activities. I also do voluntary work.

At the end of the day, I still come home to an empty house but I'm slowly getting used to it.
I miss my husband very much and I guess I always will. I cry often, sometimes daily but generally try to get the most out of life as I know he would want me to.

There are others on here who have been widowed longer than I and I'm sure they will offer you good advice. I hope it helps you.