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Loss of my parents

(18 Posts)
EmJa Sat 04-Feb-23 20:53:16

I lost my Mum a few months ago and finding things pretty hard without her. I lost my Dad 15 years ago but was making sure my Mum was ok so I dont feel like I've grieved as I should have for him at the time, now my Mum has gone, I feel like I've lost them both at the same time. I feel hollow and broken. I have family around me, but I feel so lonely.

Chocolatelovinggran Sat 04-Feb-23 21:08:42

Oh Emja, it's very early days. If you supported your mum you will be feeling the loss acutely just now. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time and space to grieve your ( double ) bereavement. I hope that you can take some comfort from the fact that caring for mum was almost certainly what your dad would have wanted. Sending you a virtual hug and a wish that time will help you to recover and heal.

NotSpaghetti Sat 04-Feb-23 22:13:50

You will feel like an orphan for a while I think.
Be kind to yourself.
Thinking of you. flowers

BlueBelle Sat 04-Feb-23 22:23:48

However old you are it still feels like you ve lost everything
My dad died and a few months later my Mum then a few months later my job went I was lost for a good year or more it’s ten years now and I still think of them both every day and miss them so much
Sending my thoughts to you

Romola Sat 04-Feb-23 22:30:21

EmJa, losing your mother is one of the saddest bereavements. My DH died 4 months ago and that is actually worse, but I'm also missing my DM, who died 15 years ago, even more than before.
My sister has been helpful. She said that the loss feels like an enormous hole at first, but by and by you do more things
and the hole stops taking up so much space. I've expressed it badly but I hope you get the idea.
I hope you have other family who will understand how sad you are feeling.

Biscuitmuncher Sat 04-Feb-23 23:13:01

My dad died over 20 years ago, he was quite young only in his 50s and my mum went to pieces. Never ever got over him, she died last year. I think I never really mourned my dad because I had to look after my mum. And I adored him, all very sad really

Dinahmo Sat 04-Feb-23 23:21:03

My dad died aged 55 of cancer when I was in my early thirties. Shortly after that my sister who lived close my parents told me that my mother had been diagnosed with pre senile dementia. In effect I lost both my parents at a young age. It was very hard for me because I really began to appreciate them during my mid twenties and so only had a few years when we got on really well. Not that we got on badly before it was just that I wanted to get on with my own life and didn't spend lots of time with them.

I've been without them for about 40 years and I still think about them almost every day.

crazyH Sat 04-Feb-23 23:23:18

Grief is the price we pay for love. Seeing your post has brought me to tears.
Sometimes I think it’s better not to love too much. I’m so glad that my 3 AC have their own families and so, when something happens to me, it won’t hit them too badly. But I worry about my daughter. She is divorced. She has 2 lovely teenage children, and is very close to them. But, I wish she would find a nice young man soon.

Sweetpeasue Sat 04-Feb-23 23:27:00

I'm so very sorry for your enormous loss. As said by NotSpaghetti, the feeling of being an orphan can be profound. Grief from the loss of a very close one, especially a much loved mum, will be huge and can be a very physical pain too.When my own mum died I felt at times I couldnt breathe. It usually gets better with time but I know that won't help now. Just wanted you to know, I have heard your cry for help and I'm thinking of you. 💐

LRavenscroft Sun 05-Feb-23 08:02:34

I am so sorry to read of your loss and how you feel. I too have been through this and can only say be kind to yourself each and everyday, don't feel yourself responsible for anything apart from the most essential and above all keep away from negative people and situations. You need all the comforting you can give yourself be it a walk in nature, a good programme or book. It does ease in time but life grows around your sad loss. If you feel you can journaling your feelings can help a lot. Sending healing wishes.

Charleygirl5 Sun 05-Feb-23 10:37:05

When I was in my late 20's my parents died within 19 days of each other. I found it very traumatic and it took me a long time to recover if one ever does. Time does help to heal.

midgey Sun 05-Feb-23 10:51:04

When my mother died it was the first time that I understood what the word bereft meant. It’s very early days and things will get less worse slowly. flowers

Fleurpepper Sun 05-Feb-23 10:52:49

It is hard, very hard. I lost both my parents within a 3 months, and it does leave you feeling like an orphan- and very aware that all our times are limited.

How old are you, and how old were your parents when they died? I was 60 and they were 94 and 96. So I count maself so lucky that I had them all that time, even if they lived far away. And that they had such an interesting and loving life (although my mother hated the last few, blind, and totally dependent).

But that is the nature of things. It is normal for us to lose our parents, when they have reached a good age. That is our nature intended, of God if you are a believer.

Losing a parent young, when they are young- is another thing. And losing a child, at any age, is beyond cruel and beyond sad. This should never happen, and this is something that many, totally understandably, will never recover from. Several of my friends and my young GP are in this position, and are finding it so hard and so painful.

I wish you the best to be able to come to terms with nature as it is intended, and accept their loss, however painful it is.

JaneJudge Sun 05-Feb-23 10:55:41

charleygirl, that must have been so hard for you sad you feel so alone when you experience grief so young as there is hardly any of your peers who can relate to it flowers

I'm sorry for everyone's loss flowers I think it is good it is acceptable to talk about not ever getting over it, you just learn to live with it

Grandyma Sun 05-Feb-23 13:48:17

I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died 5 years before my mum and I think my focus became my mum and making sure she was okay. When she died I was devastated. I felt I’d lost my safety net, my best friend my whole world changed forever. I still miss them both but I coped and got on with life. I promise you it gets easier, life won’t be the same but it can still be enjoyed and lived happily. 💐

Palmtree Sun 05-Feb-23 19:58:46

My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your loss. You will feel affected both physically and mentally as grief is all consuming at first, but it will ease little by little. I lost my mother 3 years ago at a very difficult time (lockdown) and it also bought back the grief of losing my father and a sibling earlier in my life. It has been so hard. It has helped me to speak to a bereavement counsellor that the funeral director recommended. In fact I didnt do that until a year after my mothers death when I still wasn't coping and it did help. At that time I had felt I couldn't keep talking to my husband or friends as they didnt quite understand what I was going through. I also spoke on the phone to a very understanding lady at Cruse Bereavement. Recently I have had another close family bereavement and the pain has returned. I find reading of others experiences on the Sue Ryder bereavement forums can help me feel less alone. Keep trying to move forward and do the best you can. I find playing with my grandchildren and seeing it all as the circle of life helps too. I send you my deepest sympathy and best wishes. Take care.

ginny Sun 05-Feb-23 20:16:11

So sorry for your loss, it is early days for you and everyone grieves differently.
My Mum died very suddenly 30 years ago when I was 38 . Like many others I don’t feel I grieved at the time. I had 3 young children and wanted to be there for my Dad too. Only today someone was talking to me about her and it all came back to me. I still miss her everyday as I do my Dad who died 14 years ago.
Things will get easier , they will always be in your heart. I find it comforting to see bits of them in my children and grandchildren

Yammy Sun 05-Feb-23 22:33:27

Sorry for your loss give yourself time. Things can only get