Have you ever been to a wake?

NotSpaghetti

I've been to an Irish wake and also have "sat with" a lovely friend who had died. He had died st home and we were very close to him and his family

We got a call from his son to see if we wanted to join them and about a dozen of us watched over him for his first night and had a few drinks, and remembered him. The sun rose to his adult children playing his favourite songs on his own instruments.

I felt very privileged to share this time with him and his loved ones in a space so filled with love.
His wife and I both thought those hours of darkness it had the same feeling as after a birth. It was strange and beautiful.

I know that a "vigil" is traditional if you are Jewish and it continues until the burial. It has a special name. I'm sure someone will know it.

I believe it’s called ‘ sitting Shiva’, and the family sit on wee low stools and say certain prayers. I think it’s the mourning period after the funeral.

MissInterpreted

Oldbat1

Yes a wake in Scotland was normal. I was always worried in case my dad died and the body would be in the house in an open coffin. Huge concern for me. Luckily both my parents lived until latt 80s and 90s so that was a waste of a worry.

I'm Scottish (lived here all my life) and I've never known anyone who had one.

I have never seen one in Scotland either perhaps as all my friends and relations are Protestants or non believers . One aunt had a small service at home with the coffin closed with only the female relatives there then the men went to the burial . This was in 1965 so nearly 60 years ago .

I remember when my maternal Irish Gran died in the 60s and we were in rural Ireland for her funeral. After a 48hr wake in the farmhouse which was packed round the clock with visitors the coffin was finally closed ready to go to church for funeral Mass and burial.

Her close friend in the neighbouring farm was assigned to remain in the house when all the family left with the hearse. It was a superstition they strictly believed that if the deceased person’s house was left empty at that point their spirit might not leave. All the kitchen chairs were turned upside down on the kitchen table to make sure Gran’s spirit didn’t linger . The same happened in the 70s when my maternal Grandpa died.

flappergirl

MissInterpreted

Most people around here just call the 'reception/party' following the actual funeral or cremation the wake. I've never been to one where the body was there in the coffin. Isn't that more of an Irish or Catholic thing? No offence meant there, by the way - genuine question.

The OP is actually referring to a "wake" in the Irish sense of the word. The term has been adopted in England to mean any reception held after a funeral but a proper Irish wake is quite different. Traditionally it was held in the home, usually the "front parlour", where the body would be available to view in an open casket. Anyone who knew the deceased, and even some who didn't, would be welcomed in to pay their respects and offered a drink and food. There would often be singing/music and much sharing of memories and emotions.

Yes, I totally understand that - I'm just saying that in this area, we'd call the 'do' after the actual funeral or cremation service the wake.

Yes, baubles - comforting, and somehow fitting.

MissInterpreted

Most people around here just call the 'reception/party' following the actual funeral or cremation the wake. I've never been to one where the body was there in the coffin. Isn't that more of an Irish or Catholic thing? No offence meant there, by the way - genuine question.

The OP is actually referring to a "wake" in the Irish sense of the word. The term has been adopted in England to mean any reception held after a funeral but a proper Irish wake is quite different. Traditionally it was held in the home, usually the "front parlour", where the body would be available to view in an open casket. Anyone who knew the deceased, and even some who didn't, would be welcomed in to pay their respects and offered a drink and food. There would often be singing/music and much sharing of memories and emotions.

I’ve been to too many to count. It’s still very much the norm in my Irish family, I find it comforting.

When my brother’s English wife died years ago her family were a little shocked to see the open coffin in the house. My brother had warned them in advance that this was the way things were done in our family but it was completely outside their experience.

I would never call an after-burial or after a cremation "reception" a wake.

I've been to an Irish wake and also have "sat with" a lovely friend who had died. He had died st home and we were very close to him and his family

We got a call from his son to see if we wanted to join them and about a dozen of us watched over him for his first night and had a few drinks, and remembered him. The sun rose to his adult children playing his favourite songs on his own instruments.

I felt very privileged to share this time with him and his loved ones in a space so filled with love.
His wife and I both thought those hours of darkness it had the same feeling as after a birth. It was strange and beautiful.

I know that a "vigil" is traditional if you are Jewish and it continues until the burial. It has a special name. I'm sure someone will know it.

Coming from an Irish Catholic family, it was common occurance.
I was ten years old when my uncle was killed down the pit.
Absolutely terrified, I refused to view the coffin.He had been crushed by machinery and I was convinced that he would still be covered in blood.
My aunt was pregnant at the time and her baby then died at six months old.It was absolutely tragic.
The miners lined the main street to pay their respects as the cortege made its way to the church..

When my father died, it was a holiday weekend and it meant he couldn't be buried for ages because of the backlog. My mother insisted on keeping him at home, but we had to overrule her, due to the time between death and burial.

All the family funerals on my mother's side began with an open coffin, everyone walked from the church to the cemetary, then there was a meal (usually steak pie) in the church hall, prepared by the ladies of the parish.

Oldbat1

Yes a wake in Scotland was normal. I was always worried in case my dad died and the body would be in the house in an open coffin. Huge concern for me. Luckily both my parents lived until latt 80s and 90s so that was a waste of a worry.

I'm Scottish (lived here all my life) and I've never known anyone who had one.

Yes a wake in Scotland was normal. I was always worried in case my dad died and the body would be in the house in an open coffin. Huge concern for me. Luckily both my parents lived until latt 80s and 90s so that was a waste of a worry.

First one, when young, a much older singing colleague in an open coffin. Another colleague said “Don’t look” as I went forward to pay my respects.
Second one, my aunt, mum’s sister in an open coffin in the sitting room with a lace cover on her face. My (Protestant) husband found it very strange. My cousins placed fairy lights round the room…

It didn’t seem right to me that my DH was in a funeral parlour but maybe it was for the best as I was undergoing cancer treatment at the time.

Bluebelle - that’s so sad 🥲

Not in a house but in a funeral parlour for members of my family where the rosary and prayers were said. Pall bearers were all relatives. After the church service there were traditional wakes with music, laughter and much chat to lift the spirits and toast the person who had died. For me it is a lovely way to celebrate a life and is definitely the type of send off that I would like!

No, but my brother and SiL unwittingly attended one at a neighbour’s house in France. They’d previously been on quite friendly terms with the elderly female neighbour, who they described as ‘a character’ and who drove one of the very small engined cars that formerly didn’t require a driving licence in France.
Dbro said they were like driving a sewing machine and, I’m afraid to say, used to refer to their female neighbour as The Widow Twanky.

On this particular occasion, when they’d only just arrived back, they were invited round - as they thought, for drinks - only to find that she really was newly widowed - it was a wake, and her dear departed was lying in an open coffin on the kitchen table!

Yes Grannynannywanny" when my dad died, some relatives were annoyed that we wouldn't open the coffin.

Yes, my mother in law, an open coffin, someone had to be in the room for 24 hours a day until the priest came and sealed the coffin before it was carried to the church for burial. I found it quite odd, food a drink was supplied to any visitors, of which there were many, I made sandwiches. The following day her sons were pall bearers, from the house the church, we all walked behind, after church was a burial, a small get together for a buffet and drinks.

Closed coffin in a house, yes. Not an open one.
Even then, I chose not to go in. People understood.

My family is Irish. I've been to many Irish Catholic funerals.
The last one was my uncle in Ireland. I wasn't prepared for it. We all trooped into the funeral parlour at night and stood around the coffin saying The Rosary. Uncle was in the coffin with the lid off. His coffin was then placed in the hearse by the pallbearers. The hearse set off up the hill with everyone walking behind. It was like something from the 1800s. Then into the church for a service.

Next day was the funeral service followed by a burial where we all stood around the grave praying. Then back to the pub for food and drink. I've been to many Irish funerals in this country but nothing like that. I didn't like seeing my lovely uncle dead. It was a shock.

Yes my Irish son in law , his little children kissed him goodbye as he lay in his coffin It was the first and only time I ve seen an open coffin

That’s very sad BlueBelle 💐

Yes, several times as my Mum was Irish. When her brother died in Ireland the year before her own death we travelled with my parents to Ireland for the funeral. As expected, it was an open coffin in the house for 48 hours during which time over 200 neighbours, friends and relatives visited the house around the clock. Then the 2nd evening more of the same in the funeral parlour next door to the church till the coffin was finally closed.

Although my Mum had experienced a wake many times, including her own parents and other siblings, she found it very difficult. When we came back home she told us that when her time came she wanted her coffin to be closed and no “viewings”. She said “don’t have me lying there and everyone gawping at me! When she died a year later of course we honoured her wishes. But the Irish contingent of relatives who came for her funeral were rather disappointed and couldn’t understand why we’d broken with tradition.

Yes my Irish son in law , his little children kissed him goodbye as he lay in his coffin It was the first and only time I ve seen an open coffin

Tomorrow is the funeral, and there will be a ‘bit of a do’ after it, as we have had after our family funerals. This was a completely different ‘do’, where the house door was left open and people have been coming in to say a wee prayer and tell a tale or two, then have a ‘cup of tay’.
I liked it.

I arranged a wake after my 1st wife’s funeral, around 150 at the local Rugby Club, teas, bar and full buffet because some had travelled some distance. Lasted around 4 hours - she would have been very pleased