Have you ever been to a wake?

When our precious Mum died in the Nursing home, we had her brought to my sister's home, because there was a spacious downstairs bedroom with patio doors to the garden, an ideal space for her open coffin to be placed for those who wished to see her one last time. Our family undertaker had worked his magic, her hair (always her crowning glory) was lovely and she looked very peaceful.

The Rosary and wake took place in the public rooms, so those who did not wish to see her body were welcome to participate in the prayers, followed by refreshments and sharing of many memories. The house was full of family, friends, neighbours, parishioners and work colleagues.

At the end of the evening, my sister's thoughtful husband took himself off to sleep upstairs so that my two sisters and I could spend our last night together with our dear Mum. Our last girlie sleepover. It felt right, very comforting, we said Night night, God bless to her and managed to sleep through till morning. 💕🙏

Personally, I wouldn’t want lots of people viewing me if deceased, or my DH.

Close family maybe, but the thought of neighbours coming….

No thank you.

I realise different places have different traditions, but it’s not one I would embrace.

As I live in Ireland I've been to lots of wakes where the deceased is in an open coffin in the house. If the person dies at home, the current practice is for the undertaker to collect the body, take it off to be embalmed and laid out, and then bring back to the house so those who wish can visit and "pay their respects". But funeral homes are also used, as many don't want lots of people calling. In Ireland, burial or cremation usually is about 3 days after death.

If you hear that even a relative of someone you know has died - it usual to attend either the wake or the funeral service or both. There's a website called rip.ie which gives all the details so it's easy to check time and place etc. Maybe because I'm used to it, it's not an upsetting experience. You arrive, greet the relatives, go in to the room where the person is laid out in coffin, have a brief look, maybe saying a prayer (no need to touch the body!) then go into another room for refreshments and a chat with other neighbours and friends.

Google tells me it means meat pies.
They weren't eaten at the marriage, so were served cold at the funeral.

Ah, that'll be why I've not come across it before.

Sigh. Quote.

It's a quite from Hamlet by Shakespeare.

Oh I've never heard that one.
Do you know it's meaning?1

Does anybody else remember the expression 'funeral baked meats'? I think it was more CofE and I last heard it in the 1970s.

NotSpaghetti

MissAdventure that is tough..


I hope he can see what he has lost.

It was years ago now, and she was my mum's friend, so my "aunty", as adults were called in those days.

Just was a shame, her doing machining and repairs to keep them afloat, whilst he drank away every penny, and was a violent, nasty drunk.

She had been in hospital, and said she was going to throw him out when she was well, but she never did get well enough.

I'd forgotten about it, until now.

He threw all her possessions out in the garden and went back
to Ireland as soon as the funeral was done with.

So, R,I.P aunty Joan.

I have no experience of a viewing before a funeral but I recently read that a wake was so named from incidents where the deceased had woken up inside the closed coffin...not dead but sleeping deeply! We're talking many, many years ago when people knew less about the body and it's processes and doctors were few and without the medical knowledge of recent times. And of course odd things do happen.

It happened rarely but it did happen and has been documented as happening in recent times. [Very rarely]. The proof was when coffins had been opened because people were around to hear noise and also opened coffins had scratches where the unfortunate 'deceased' had tried to emerge, without success.

Therefore the deceased should have someone watching over them before burial to ensure it didn't happen. Of course if the coffin had no lid on it it couldn't happen. Hence the 'wake' or vigil to ensure the person wasn't being buried before their time!

It could be a myth but it was in a book to explain where old sayings originated.

MissAdventure that is tough..


I hope he can see what he has lost.

Thx BlueBelle.

I've been to a funeral with an open casket in the living room.

I didn't enjoy it at all because I knew the husband had been violent to her when she was alive.

The sight of him fauning over her body, kissing her, felt obscene.

Bella51

A two day wake before the burial was always a normal occurrence in Ireland for both religions. The open coffin was in the home.
Nowadays it's changed, a funeral parlour is used, a time is set for paying respects, and the coffin is shut. Cremations are bring used more.

MrJ’s family in N Ireland and Donegal still have the wake, with open coffin, in the house.

Daddima I seem to remember that the shiva is 7 days (after burial?) but the word I was looking for is actually Shemira which apparently means "guarding" or "watching".

It's the period between death and burial - but looking it up it seems to be arranged by the synagogue (and people may be appointed to do it). It's not like the wake it seems from a (very little) reading.

If that's the way things are done where you live, you're used to it and it must seem completely normal. Everyone says goodbye. I some times think death here is very clinical almost, now we have funerals with no one present, that fills me with dread. As if you've never been.

My 17 year old cousin died suddenly with a congenital heart condition, aged 14 I went to the house with my father and was shocked to see my cousin dressed in a suit partly raised in an open coffin. We filed past,my uncle was beside himself with grief, it was deeply upsetting and I was relieved to join the women in another room. Over 60 years later I can still see my cousin in his coffin.

In my experience of family deaths in Ireland the funeral is usually within 2-3 days and there has been no embalming required. A woman died in my cousin’s locality yesterday and her funeral is tomorrow.

No Calandargirl they are usually embalmed

I don’t wish to sound insensitive, but does an open coffin mean that the deceased starts to smell before it’s closed?

I would think it’s awkward in a small house.

A neighbour round the corner had her husband brought home the night before the funeral to lie in the house.
Whether the coffin was open I don’t know as I only found out at the actual funeral. It’s thought.
DH died in hospital but I asked the funeral directors to bring the hearse to the house before going to the church and then after the service, I got them to drive him round the village one last time past the first house we had lived in here and where he was very happy.
I think there’s a lot of psychological basis to some of the old customs, helping the bereaved to give a structure to their grieving.

NotSpaghetti

I would never call an after-burial or after a cremation "reception" a wake.

Maybe you wouldn’t but many people do.A wake to me is the reception after the funeral.
I once read that the old word wake was for a celebration or fair or meeting ground.
Guess it means different things to different people.

A two day wake before the burial was always a normal occurrence in Ireland for both religions. The open coffin was in the home.
Nowadays it's changed, a funeral parlour is used, a time is set for paying respects, and the coffin is shut. Cremations are bring used more.

I recently read a book entitled 'My Father's Wake: How the Irish teach us to live, love and die by Kevin Toolis.'

It was a real eye-opener into how we have sanitised death in this country and how those old ways of doing things enriched the lives and culture in the old days beyond anything we can imagine now.

Well worth a read.