Wills and stepchildren

keepingquiet

MissAdventure

If you leave the money to your step children, then surely it is up to them where it goes, when they die?

It will be theirs to do what they see fit with (hopefully spend it all on themselves) but I'm not sure it's fair to expect to be able to control, down the line, where it ends up.

I agree with this!

I agree too. Best solution all round - spend it on yourself now and enjoy life.

When I did my will I stated if my daughter died before me then her children with inherit my estate equally. I also took out both powers of attorney and my daughter and son in law are my attorney's as I trust my son in law as much as my daughter. My will won't be altered again . But it all will be mote if I have to go into a home as my bungalow will have to be sold to pay for my care. But don't intend to go into a home.

MissAdventure

If you leave the money to your step children, then surely it is up to them where it goes, when they die?

It will be theirs to do what they see fit with (hopefully spend it all on themselves) but I'm not sure it's fair to expect to be able to control, down the line, where it ends up.

I agree with this!

If you leave the money to your step children, then surely it is up to them where it goes, when they die?

It will be theirs to do what they see fit with (hopefully spend it all on themselves) but I'm not sure it's fair to expect to be able to control, down the line, where it ends up.

If one dies I have to share their portion between the remaining 2, if the next one dies the remaining child gets it all

Did your husband write his will in a way to ensure that will happen, Bankhurst?
Or is it all left to you and he is trusting you to carry out his wishes, in which case you need to ensure that happens in your will.

You really need to see a solicitor to make sure his and your wishes are carried out.

I agree Cressida, Bankhurst please see a solicitor and explain, tell him/ her of your dilemma and follow their advice. Good luck.

Bankhurst I would have thought it should be possible to rewrite your will now in such a way that if your unmarried step-children die before you their share goes to their siblings.

I think you should what you think your husband would have wanted you to do in these new circumstances. He is not here to tell you but you are probably the best judge of what he would want.

You have to give it to them. It doesn’t matter what happens afterwards.

Thank you for your comments.
Re ‘if you are dead what does it matter’, it matters not to me, but because it will affect the quality of life of those remaining.
It is not my feelings towards the children’s mother that I’m taking into account, it is the feelings of my DH, that his ex-wife should get nothing, which he made clear to me. If we could have put it into our wills we would have done, but it wasn’t possible without setting up trusts. We trusted each other to follow the other ‘s wishes - not worth a light if I just choose to ignore them. We just didnt expect his children to die before us.
If one dies I have to share their portion between the remaining 2, if the next one dies the remaining child gets it all. This is all kept separate from the money my children will inherit to ensure his children receive what was my husbands, and they do not receive less because he married me.
I don’t have the money to give them now - I wish I had. I would give it to them immediately.
I know it’s complicated

Do you have a good relationship with the two step children? Is there a medical reason that they cannot make a will of their own? I assume that the money would only be available on your death so you may not be able to give them some now to ease their awful situation? They could each make a will leaving their estate (including your money if you die first) to be shared amongst their remaining siblings. It requires a very sensitive conversation and I don't envy you having to do this. Otherwise, as mentioned in an earlier post, if you die before them then maybe you have to be philosophical about that and let go of the outcome. What a terrible dilemma for you.

Are you able to give them a substantial sum now, so they can enjoy it before they die?

You should divide the money equally, that was your husbands wish, your feelings towards the children's Mother are irrelevant here.
God forbid the two adult children die soon if that is the case it can be shared between the surviving children.

If you are dead, then what does it matter? As you say, you can change your will if they die before you. Would you have the financial capacity to give them money now? Then they could use it for their betterment? It is a dilemma for you