Two years and still heartbroken

Mystyeyes
At the age of 88 Iknow or have known many widows, I’m one myself and I truly believe you need some help from a professional, either GP or some sort of counselling.
Grief is normal, we wouldn’t be human if we did not grieve to greater or lesser extent but yours seems overwhelming and taking you over completely.
Please consider talking to someone who can point you in the direction where your feelings can be talked through and hopefully lessened to a degree that is still how you feel but where you see a glimmer of hope.

So sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how you feel and dread being in your position because I don’t know how I’d cope. I sincerely hope hope you find peace and you’re doing good going out and meeting people and I think this will eventually be your way forward. Thinking of you.

My tears are now my constant companion i doubt they will ever stop truly heartbroken my chest hurts so much, i so want to be with him, there is no purpose without my DH.

I doubt i will. Ever come to terms with my loss he was and still is my world. We have never been seperated ever its 91 days today im floundering.

Such wise words from everyone above, 8 years now for me and still miss hom desperately every day.
I cope..... because I have to..

Just realised fathers day is not till june 21 my heads all muddled

13 weeks for me today. Totally in bits i so wamt to be with him ive cried all night got up late just to cuddle his pillow maked me feel close to hik. Still crying now. 1sr fathers day without him totally heartbtokem dont feel i can go on.

Why would you or anyone else expect you to move on? grief is love with nowhere to go. You still love your man and you have lost not only that man but the future you imagined. Be kind to yourself. Have you tried a widows group? Meeting with other people who understand can help.

Whiff, I do similar approach, every day, no matter how tough, will have positives. Find them

Iam64 since my husband died in 2004 I always find a positive from a negative even if its something silly. It's how I cope everyday without him . Silly example 2 wood pigeons on my fence the male went to jump on the female missed and fell into my garden. Flew back and moved towards the female she move and looked at him . In my mind she said are you kidding me he went to jump on her so she flew off but it made me laugh.

Another more extreme example had to have angography using a local anaesthetic January 2025 as I never had a local before asked for sedation as well. As they cut into my wrist found out it hadn't worked nor had the sedation. But I didn't tell them. I am on blood thinners and would have taken to long to stop the bleeding. Me being me I lay still tears filling my ears and heard a blue a blue pinks no good her veins collapsed. Keep my eyes shut . Turned out only slight furring in my right artery, good heart function and the hole I was born with which I found out about when I 62 in 2001
was the same size and shape. So I didn't need a stent. They put an dressing on turn a circular ring over it and pumped it with air using a syringe . Gave me the syringe so the nurse on the ward could take some air after a hour. I was fascinated how anyone had invented it.

Finding a positive from a negative no matter how silly has got me through the last 22 years since my husband died.

We all have to find ways to cope and that's how I coped looking after my parents and mother in law until they died.

Grieve for a child I would never comment on as I don't know how that feels. And have no idea how parents cope. That to me is the worst grief. Next is the death of a spouse or partner . I have found there are more grieves than just the death of a loved one . As no doubt many here have also found .

Heavens! Iam, That’s a lot to have had to cope with. I’m not surprised events took their toll.
Look after yourself and I share FGT’s hope for better days ahead.

A very poignant post Iam I admire your fortitude.
You’ve been through so much of late and, as you say, all without your darling man to share with and lean on. Trying times indeed. I hope this summer brings you better days ahead. xx

I feel I was doing the best I could, seeing friends, going to music, theatre, cinema, walking with friends,, great relationships with my children and grandchildren,
Then life happened. In quick succession I had a serious virus, then four infections. I was told I might have a terminal illness (I don’t)
Then my sil almost died, icu for a month, a close family friend was run over by drug driver, another friend died in an accident, my oldest friend of sixty years died. She was ready, died at home with loved ones. The three others were forty, with young families.

Honestly, I fell off a cliff. All these dramas/life events reminded me how much harder it is to negotiate these things without my lovely husband. And more loss.

On a more positive note, I’m still here, rebuilding my life again. Sil home and recovering, though tough road ahead.
We thank god for life and the love we share . We have so little control over our lives. Bereavement reminds us of that and of the need to try to find something good in the day

Cossy or anyone, what do those two symbols mean?
They always perplex me.

Thank you for all your lovely replies. So many of us just plodding on as we have to do but I am grateful to have a loving family and friends. I just miss that closeness with the one who understood me best and the lovely companionship we had together

I have been widowed for 5 years, and it took me the first 3 to process the shock and upheaval of going from being one half of a happy couple to becoming an aging widow. The past 2 years have been better, and I am now in a state of contentment, with fleeting moments of happiness. Although I fill my days with lots of different group activities, I am most relaxed just pottering around my house and garden. I still feel sad sometimes, especially when I’m with the grandchildren that my husband never met, he would have been such a lovely Grandpa, it seems so unfair that he didn’t get the chance.

Doodle I lost my daughter 7 years ago, husband 4 years ago and everyday I think if the.. I am realising when they are in my mind it is not so sad as it was a year ago and I can speak of losing them without falling to bits. Any kind of anniversary is a trigger and I have had to be on my own. Time I feel lessens the hurt but will never take away the sadness.

It’s coming up for four years since DH died and 4.5 since my lovely son died too. I keep bug…ing on.
I have made a new life for myself after moving from Kent to Bristol.
Am I happy? No. I live from day to day, as the last four years have been horrible due to various things. I have decided that 2026 will be the first better year. So far, it’s ok. I must both my darlings every day, I still have tearful storms but they are fewer.
Life, if not wonderful, is ok.
My most important emotion is to never, ever let my surviving children know how I feel.

12 years since my husband passed. I honestly think that the second year is the hardest. I can't say it gets easier, but we do get better at managing and coping with our grief. Sending you some MAHOOSIVE (((HUGS)))

Personally I don’t find the concept of moving on very useful. It makes it sound like we can forget grief. But in reality, we all just live with it and try to accept the suffering of that. However, I do think there’s also room for joy….alongside the grief. Neither need negate the other.

Losing a child/children, is the most difficult thing I've faced.

Daily I still pray for them and myself their mum.

Doodle your post has really moved me. I have not been in your situation so unqualified to offer words of wisdom. What you post has done for me is to make me think. My husband has Alzheimers Disease, life is difficult at times and I know it will get worse. Fortunately he is fine - in absolute denial!! My man is slipping slowly away from me. At times I feel frustrated and cross with him - but for now he is with me. We enjoy short walks and have just completed a jigsaw together ( a new venture for him ) so although he is changing I have him beside me.
I send you hugs and strength . Thankyou for making me appreciate what I still have. 💐

Paddyann - my sincere sympathy. Was this your first baby?
Our baby son - our first child- lived for only 24 days in 1973, so I was a mum without a child. I remember how desperately hard it was.
Every year now as his ‘birthday’ approaches I think back to those initially happy days, how over the moon Paw was to have a son and how incredible our loss seemed at the time.
Yes, I can still cast my mind back to the joy of being new parents, I can close my eyes and conjure up those memories. And I shed a tear.
The sad thing is that now there’s nobody to share the memories with, just me.

sarahcyn

What a moving post...thinking of you.
No, it will never be "normal" in the way you were used to.
Grief is the price of love - and love is priceless.

I agree.
Life will be different and hard to accept but you have had the many happy years with him Doodle and time will soften the pain of loss.Be kind to yourself meanwhile💐

Oh Paddyann that’s so sad. I can’t imagine how awful the loss of a child is. So sorry. Yes I’ve heard from others too that the build up to such an anniversary affects us all.

FGT thank you for your kind thoughts. The pain is unbelievable at times isn’t it. I too have had the panic moments. I know you are a humanist and can see how hard it must be to accept this is the end.

I have my faith. It doesn’t stop the pain but I believe DH and I will be together again God willing. If I didn’t believe that I don’t know what I’d do.

Thanks for all the kind replies. Hugs for all. 💕