I am 86 and I have a super d-i-l. My only son could not have picked a better person to be his wife.
I also have a gem of a granddaughter who will soon be here to take me out for Sunday Lunch.
They have all egged me on to get my WW2 website together some years ago plus writing books about my earlier life which tells of me being bombed out twice and machine gunned twice during the London Blitz that have gone worldwide.
My lovely d-i-l and I dont always agree but that is as it should be but we always have a lovely hug before parting and saying "I love you".

'Course I am ! I'm a lovely Mother-in-law!! Mind you, I have a wonderful daughter-in-law, that helps!

I was asked by DIL to go to granddaughters mother's day service today said yes, can't go school has not got enough places 2 very disappointed granddaughters one upset grandma. I feel school is discriminating should have 2 assemblies if to many mum's and grandma's, said 1 per family we have none going, so cross

I sympathise annette18 but honestly, is it reasonable to expect schools to do two mother's day services so that everyone's grannie/favourite aunt can be fitted in.

I am divorced but have lots of contact with my mother and father in law they have done so much for me and my children I really do not no what I would of done with out them.

I was lucky with my mother-in-law as, my late husband often mentioned, it was her who brought them up, as my father-in-law would sit in the chair without a word.

the funniest story was when my husband to be used to sit next to me in the bus, him to his college and me to my last year at school.
One day this young fellow left his woolly hat on on the seat, so, after he got off the bus, I watched to see where he lived.
That w/e I went on my bike with his hat, knocked on the fellow's (my future husband) door, a lady opned it, (my future mother-in-law) snatched the hat off me, with just a quick thanks, then slammed the door shut on me!

Is the DIL not also an adult in the "in-law relationship"?

"Trust to choose my care home"?!!!!!

I'll choose my own thanks! If I decide I need one.

I agree with some of what the blogger is saying but not all. For one thing, I didn't always "keep quiet" when my DM (dear mother) or MIL criticized or gave unsolicited advice. I may have been more polite about the unwanted advice than some DDs/DILs, but I often let them know if I disagreed and so forth.

Also, I think that, besides the reasons given by the blogger, MILs, today, are more aware of the need to bite their tongues cuz of sites like these. And DILs are learning more effective ways of speaking up ("I'm the mother, it's my decision," and so forth) from the various sites for young parents/moms.

At the same time, I think some MILs, today, come across as more difficult than MILs were years ago. Cuz more women in our generation are more outspoken than most women of the past. And while many of us have learned to zip our lips about our DS' and DIL's parenting (or DD's and SIL's), there are some who just feel compelled to "speak their minds," at all times.

But I've always heard of MIL/DIL struggles and I probably always will (some MIL/SIL and FIL/DIL struggles, too, and so forth). A lot depends on the personalities, I think, as some others have said. There has definitely been a shift, IMO, as the blogger says. But I'm not sure it's as big as she thinks. And I imagine there will always be some ILs who get along and some who don't, just like anything else.

As for me, I have DDs and SILs, not DSs and DILs. Get along great with my SILs - but let them choose my nursing home? I don't think so! And I can't imagine having a DIL do that either, no matter how lovely she might be! My DDs, maybe... but DH and I already know one or two that we prefer and our DDs are aware of this. I trust them to honor our wishes.

Also want to add that I don't think it's fair to expect DILs (or SILs) to choose our care homes. They have their own parents to think about!

Just want to add, too, that I'm happy to see all the posters here who love(d) their MILs (or DILs)! It's refreshing since we read/hear so much about the opposite. Luckily for me, my relationships with my SILs are good, as well.

Of course, I also feel for those of you here who have/had difficult IL relations, as I've said elsewhere. It's unfortunate, but, sadly, not uncommon.

My MiL was hell; she resented her only son becoming a husband and father. and it was seen to be entirely my fault. She was so, so awful. So much time was wasted and lost on trying to please her, so many family events that should have been happy were spoiled by her sulking, refusals to attend, unpleasantness to other visitors and so on.

SO - I resolved that whoever my children chose would have a better time, and that I would try very hard to love them - luckily both DiL and SiL are lovable people.

I didn't see my MIL from my 1st marriage very often, she lived quite a distance from us, I got on fine with her I think for that reason. She was very old fashioned in her views. Whereas I had a great relationship with my mum as did my 1st hubby. My 2nd MIL, I got on with very well, unfortunately she passed away early on in my relationship with her son. I think I am a good MIL, I don't interfere, I do love both my DIL's, really hard working women, one is a great mum, the other hasn't had any children yet. But we do share the same sense of humour, which I think helps in a big way. Unfortunately I live quite a distance from them, I am possibly closer to my granddaughter whose mum is my daughter, but I do visit when I can and I am always up for babysitting or days out with them. x

Short and sweet. I have two DILs. One I see every week to see my grandchildren and the other lives too far away, so only see once a year. She says my son is a 'mommys boy' only seeing him a couple of times a year( I dont think so) she doesnt have a good relationship with her mother so I think that's why she does not bond with me. One strong memory was giving her a hug and she said 'her mother had never done that' but she still keeps a wall up and ten years later I have given up. The positive side I have built up a fantastic circle of friends who havn't given me any labels.

Oh Yes to answer the question, I do think todays MILs are different. Being baby boomers and having more freedom as women, especially being able to have careers and living independently (if we choose too) I do not interfere in my DILs lives and expect them not to interfere in mine. (works both ways)

I adored both my grandmothers but suspect they were very different as MiLs!

My mum's mum , a strong woman who brought up 3 daughters with a husband who was not easy and after WW1 was harder still to live with and who earned little as a painter/decorator, was always clear about what she expected and offered advice but I do not reacall any family rows with her.
Dad's mum was an equally strong woman. Adored (idolised?) by Grandpa she got away with all sorts of things and was rather controlling and bossy. I imagine she would have been a tough MiL..though she was always full of praise for my mum. She did not like my uncle's wife so much (pregnant before she married 7 seemed not to notice her son must have been involved too! ) Though she interfered no end in who her daughter should marry she ended up hating the man she thought was a better catch! However misplaced sometimes her love of her family drove her actions ..but she was a firey person! She doted on me though!

I've had 3 mothers in law, one of whom is still alive, and they were all fantastic, great role models for me in how to treat my own daughter in law. I come from a very matriarchal family where the women supported each other through difficult times and my friendships are like that too.

I will admit my late ML was a very caring lady, who was rather like thoe of today, would try and help out when needed. One night, when, soon after our first child was born, she offered to bottle feed him, so that we could get a good nights sleep.
I think she would have always been there, if we lived nearer to where she lived.
Unfortunately she died before seeing our second child and her two granddaughters from her daughter's family.. I expect having a family of sisters helped.
While my mother, although of course I am fond of her, was spoilt as a child. So had the idea that kids are seen but not heard and expected too much, i.e couldn't understand why we were not sending our first child to a private school.
She would never help me with my school work or teach me any skills, as she felt it was up to the school and myself. Also, she had nannies for me, so was rather reluctant when i asked her if she would collect my son from school.

I'm not a mother in law officially as my son and his girl are not married, but they do have a little boy - my grandson.

When things go wrong I am the calm between the anger on both sides and I try not to take sides but to be fair and get them to talk, for the sake of their son.

I think you walk a fine line when you are in this position as if you are not careful you can be blamed when all you have tried to do is make them see sense.

I am her friend more than a mother in law, and I like that.

I never had a mother in law as my husband's mother died when he was 17. I have a dread of not being a nice mother in law! I hope I'm doing it right and not being judgemental in any way.

While at my secondary school, nothing had hanged at the school since the turn of the twentieth century, so I was brought up doing things at school that my mother's age did.
No hot water in the dorm, just a basin with a jug of cold water. No domestic science, no male teachers, all so very stricked, needlework with those wooden round items to keep the work in shape.loved playing lacrosse.

Due to having had two war years I don't believe much changed, even in the medical profession. All changed in the sixties, especially the late sixties.