I missed my DDs when the left for University but had a busy life and space soon filled. They explored the world, came home for high days/holidays, had fun, experienced heartbreaks and crises, grew up and we were there when they came home for security /support, but off they went again. They found partners, had babies and now we all live within 10 minutes of each other.
Each family group lives independently and has their own group of friends but we see each other weekly .. sometimes for a day or just 10 minutes..depends on what we are all doing.

When my eldest son was about 4 months old and lying in a cot in the next room, he gave a little cough. I thought to myself "that cough had nothing to do with me and he dealt with it entirely on his own".

From that moment on, I knew that they were beings in their own right and there was not much that I could say or do to stop them leading their own lives.

From the age of 12, there was no way that any of them would join us on family holidays. (so un-cool!) As I left home myself straight after school for foreign parts, I could hardly stop my kids doing similar things. I remind myself of how I would traipse to consulates and through airports and railway stations, to doctors, pubs and evening classes all on my own and I don't worry about them - they can manage that sort of thing even better than I could.

Being a bi-cultural family, I was very careful to allow them to grow roots and have a feeling of belonging to one place and, hopefully, to us, their parents, and not to fall into the trap of identity crisis that some people in that situation seem to experience.

The results of this attitude have been very rewarding and now that two of them are parents themselves, I can see that they will follow a similar pattern. They have said that they appreciate the freedoms they had and the opportunities they were given.

Oh dear - this sounds very much like patting myself on the back. Actually, it was all done by not bothering about anything and just not interfering - not really difficult, more passive than active parenting on my part!

I was never conscious of the feeling of needing to let go or planning for it, it just happened.

I must have missed a couple of posts at the beginning of the thread. Thatbags said what I said but much better.

Do any of you find that, as parents, you find it harder to let a daughter go than a son?

NoJackyB I don't. I miss my sons as much as my daughter. Like most of you I always knew I was preparing them for an independent life. One of them left too early and that was painful. The other two were moving towards adulthood and the time was right. I'll admit to the occasional pang of longing to have them back home but it soon goes if I get maudlin my husband tells me firmly" well you wanted well adjusted independent adult children, you succeed" that's true but not as easy to come to terms with as it sounds. Perhaps in our hearts some of us never stop mothering we just learn to control it and accept that our children are not ours, their lives belong to them. The price of love[ sigh emotion] worth it though wasn't it

Is it the lot of a Mother to suffer? My children are all great earners and have lives full of friends and holidays etc. My husband and I have done a lot for them. We have always been there for them supporting them and buying them their first houses and also giving them money as needed

However, sometimes feel we are last on their lists of consideration. Is it our lot only to be really valued when we are no longer here? I have to say that I treated my own Mother with carelessness. I soo wish that I could have her back and tell her how much I loved and valued her.tooo late now.

It will be too late as well, for my children and DIL's

I keep my mouth shut and accept everything they throw at us without complaint. They drop us if a better offer comes along...as in ' you don't mind Mum if we go to So and so's party instead of coming to you as agreed. Etc etc, I smile and say ' off course not....you go ahead' When I would like to say.....' We agreed a date, I reorganised my whole life to accommodate you so FFs you had better turn up or you can F off.
I think we have been too nice.

I often feel the same as youjaneayressister but I expect just like you we realise that is o.k to think it but never to say it/ act on it. Such is life big sigh and shrug of shoulders. But to cheer you up.

I know I treated my own parents with the same carelessness, if only we could turn the clock back . I have a feeling it is the same for each generation sadly.

I can remember when one of my dearly loved sons came home from Uni saying he was poorly. I was so excited to see him. ' Get into bed sweetheart ', says me..... Mummy will bring you up something nice to eat. Electric blanket on in your old bed, hot chocolate, boiled egg and soldiers at the ready... etc
A couple of hours later, said son was back down stairs.........all spruced up.... Feel much better now says he... He had received an invite to a mates party.....not seen again for 24 hours. Back to Uni having hardly seen us.

What I find worse is when they confide in me......and they do BIG TIME......then if you dare ask for an update to the conversation that was a hot topic a couple of days ago......they say ' Mother, I don't want to talk about it!!! Making me feel like a nosy old bag, when THEY introduced the subject that has made me worry myself sick.

I love them so much, much more than they love me. ....sighs

The old rhyme says

A son is a son till he takes him a wife
A daughters a daughter for all of her life

Don't have a son but think it may be right in the main.
It's important to have your own life and interests too, all the things there was not time for when the children were young.

I'm much closer to my son than to my daughter. Think it's more to do with the personality of the 'child' than the sex.

only my opinion though

I miss my son at times but I will try to improve my aim!

I have a DS of 38 who has never left home and another is a returner in his 40s. My youngest has his own place (and kids) but is here a lot. I regularly wish they were more distant and independent. Now I'm retired, the every day annoyances of middle aged men clashing is much worse than missing the family.

I think I let my daughter go,and now I think of the umbilical card as elastic,she goes and then pings back!

I think I let my daughter go but she is on elastic and pings back!

I suspect the writer's teenage son knew how she earned her living and didn't want to appear in any of her writing, sadly he didn't manage that she got him anyway!
My sons are like your daughter Caroline123 but I wouldn't have them any other way. GS shows signs of being the same. His contribution to me discussing moving house "But I like your house and it's really handy to get to!"

Our job is to let go - what else? Cling on and fuss over them? I don't think so!

We let them go to become the adults with whom we will establish mature relationships. It's fine - I love who my children have become - they are great human beings and I enjoy their company.