April book club - Shtum by Jem Lester

This is a difficult book to comment on. It certainly is not enjoyable and I couldn't recommend it to anyone looking for 'a good read'. I am sure it would help some family members to understand the problems faced by someone having a person with profound needs, not necessarily those of autism, living in close proximity. Perhaps too many years fighting for too many people in need made me find the book depressing as it brought back memories of struggles and the realisation of how great is the need and how far beyond society's means to meet it.

I can understand why the author wrote it; the excuse to talk about things usually not expressed is therapeutic. I am less sure why it was published in an edition which is much prettier than the average book — perhaps to ease the pain of the content? Only Ben's friend Johnny and his family come across as likeable; Maurice deserves respect though he is ill used by Ben, just as Valentine is. It is a book of unsympathetic characters with little to give a lift to the spirit. I wonder that this is literature, or entertainment, rather than a text book for a social studies course. It is, of course, well written, or it would not have caused such reactions. As for those requesting a sequel, the political pages of the serious newspapers will provide several.

Thank you for the book. I always welcome new reading material, but I can't think of anyone I know who would welcome it being passed to them.

A really good read that explored so many issues. It demonstrates so well how hard it is to care for a child like this and how difficult it is to maintain any normal family or working life at the same time.
I have a family member also trying to get a residential place for her child - not autistic as it happens - what a shame that these types of places are so few and far between and so expensive to run that so few children get that opportunity to be properly cared for outside their family setting

Read this alongside watching "the A word" which aptly demonstrates where these two boys were on the autistic spectrum. At times I was appalled by Jonah's parents' behaviour and at the same time felt "there for the grace of God". A brilliant read.

SHTUM by Jem Lester - Review
This is a book about a profoundly autistic boy and his family's struggle to secure an ideal residential school for him. I assumed that the title would refer to the child's silence, but it is all about the secrets and lies that families keep. From his mother, to his father, to his old Jewish grandfather, they all maintain a silent facade to cope with his disabilities. One of the most moving books I have ever read, it had me in tears several times over. Nevertheless, there is plenty humour and above all, hope. A fabulous book, well worth reading
I think I found this book even more moving as we have a family member with similar problems and I know how much his family have struggled to access support for him over the years. I hope Jem's son in real life, continues to be supported.

A very moving read, had a job to put this book down. I t offers a very realistic eyesight into the issues facing both parents and children managing this condition. Thank You.

I am still finding this a rather difficult read. On one hand, it is very funny and tender, on the other the situation is insuperable. I haven't finished it yet...
The story makes for a difficult read, both for enlightening those who don't know much about the whole ASD spectrum, and those who have/had to live through the difficulties faced by Ben and Jonah, Emma and Georg. Who can condemn Emma leaving her son, who cannot love the relationship between Georg and Jonah, Ben and his son...
One of my young friends, a single mother, has an ASD son, but he is high functioning Asperger's'. Nevertheless she encounters many similar problems to Ben and Jonah with the various government agencies; and no end of problems with the secondary school he goes to. We have the 11+ and he sailed through, but the grammar school he has been sent to, supposedly an "autistic-friendly" school, can't deal with his many anxieties and his self-harming etc. It is a dreadful situation for her to find herself in.
She also has had breast cancer and has to face her early demise - what to do with the boy? Will he be able to look after himself in adulthood? should she appoint guardian/s for him? how much will he be able to cope with? all unanswerable questions at the moment.

What a fantastic book. I couldn't put it down. A real insight into life as parents of a severely autistic child. Ben seemed to cope the only way he could but escaping into drink but still a sad but good father despite total frustration. I laughed, I cried and have recommended the book to everyone I know.
Thankyou for a free copy

Really enjoyed this book and found the relationships between characters well defined and believable . In particular the sheer hard work required to maintain cleanliness and some order in day to day living with Jonah. The effort required to get the best support possible was so frustrating to read while the relationship Jonah had with his grandfather was touching and revealing. Ben felt alienated from his father ..the outsider...while Jonah was privy to his history and emotional life despite all the challenges that his autism presented or perhaps because of it.
I wonder like other contributors if the author used his own experiences as the basis for his book and if so how difficult was it to get the balance between personal history and fiction .

A compelling title and an interesting picture of a small child covered by a rainbow , drew me straight into this beautiful story. I found it difficult to put the book down and read through many hours when I should have been useful things like cleaning up! Ben, the father, is a complex character, full of guilt and doubts, the little boy made me smile in a sad way, and I was angry with the mother most of the time, probably unjustified. And Grandad so wise, so loving towards Jonah. To Jem I would just like to say that I found one or two of the conversations rather complicated and found it hard to keep up with who was speaking. But I can forgive you that as each character was beautifully portrayed and utterly believable. Thank you.

Am still only halfway through the book and finding it harrowing and funny/tender in turns. I sincerely hope that Jem Lester's own life, on which he based the story, wasn't as difficult as this. It does, however, point the way to those who do have autistic children, where to go and how to deal with the (inevitable) bureaucracy involved in asking for/getting help from LAs.
Not at all sure what my final verdict will be.

I, too, loved this book. It was funny and it was sad but it certainly brought home to me the difficulties of living with an autistic child. I'm currently watching the A word on TV and can appreciate how difficult it must be for the whole family - one never seems to know what the child will do next - it's actions seem completely random. I read in the paper that the author, Jem, has an autistic child so will be very well aware of what happens. I can thoroughly recommend this book, especially to those of us who don't have autistic children - I believe it will help us appreciate the traumas that those people who do have autistic children are going through.

I am stil in the process of reading this book and am so interested to learn about autism and it's affect on the child and family. By chance there is also an excellent serial on BBC T.V. now concerning the same subject.

Jem Lester says that he has a profoundly autistic child and I was wondering how much of his experience has gone into what he's written?

An great read.

Thank you.

I really enjoyed this book and was pleased that after all the trials and tribulations, all ended on a sort of positive note for Jonah. I know that so many marriages don't survive when they have to deal with a child with a disability, and I felt that the whole way through the book, Jem portrayed the problems and emotions in a very insightful and realistic manner.
I am going to pass it onto my daughter who I know will also find it both interesting and informative due to her work background.

Have just finished reading this book..
What an emotional roller coaster.

I never realised how difficult it was to care for an autistic child.
It's the parents you have to really feel sorry for, but in the end, Ben was an amazing parent to Jonah.

I was especially moved when Ben was giving his testimony in court on behalf of Jonah, describing what his life and his day to day routine is like.

That was very emotional.

His father dying was also sad, but thankfully things turned out alright in the end.

Very cleverly written, I think.

Was so excited by actually winning the book in the competition! And what a book it was! Very powerful first novel - from the heart of the author. The difficulties and tribulations of life with a special child within our education/care system were so brilliantly evoked. For many years I worked as a Special Educational Needs coordinator in a Primary school and twice supported parents through the harrowing tribunal process. This was so clearly portrayed in the book and should be compulsory reading for everyone involved with children. It is hard to comprehend how hard our education system makes it for overburdened parents to get the best care for their children. There are too few schools with the right environment and support for the most challenging children and too little money to fund them. How can this still be the case in 2016?
Jem - An interesting (but equally harrowing) sequel would the fight for Jonah's long term adult placement. This is sadly the next 'hoop' most parents of such children need to fight their way through.

Thank you for the book.
As yet I haven't had chance to read , but (especially after reading comments here, and article in Weekend Telegraph) I look forward to reading it soon.

This is a very interesting and thought provoking book.At first I found it difficult to feel empathy for Ben and his using alcohol to get through his days. After reading more, I could see how difficult the situation was. I felt very angry with Emma for leaving them both , until I found out about her drug problem.
The 'letters from the Authorities' were a clever way of showing all the red tape that the family were up against to get the right sort of help for Jonah. I wonder whether this is based on the letters that Jem actually received.
The appeal procedure was so complicated that it makes you wonder how anyone could deal with all the expert testimonies that were needed let alone pay for all the reports.
The lovely relationship between Geog and his grandson was very touching and it was only when we later found out about Geog's brother that the reason for his patience became clear.
Thank you for this edifying book. I now feel that I understand Autism a little better.

"Shtum" - Deeply moving and as heartbreaking as it is funny. A worthwhile impressive novel. Very well done Jem Lester

I loved this book. Very well written and moving . It could have been gloomy but was a good balance between humour and the unrelenting fight many parents of children with special needs face to give them a chance of the best life possible in this climate of cost cutting

If anything this booked really opened my eyes to the problems and stress involved with having an autistic child, and am shocked at the lack of support that Ben ( and Emma) were given.Does every parent of an autistic child have to fight and struggle like this?
Apart from that aspect, the storyline is both interesting and enlightening. I particularly enjoyed the section near the end describing how Georg goes to find his brother, his meeting withthe boy who became his lifelong friend, and Ben's eventual realisation of the sort of man his father was.

I loved the book it really explored the difficulties parents face on a daily basis not just the trials of caring for an autistic child but the constant struggles with agencies which can only add to their frustrations. Although heart breaking in parts Georg's humour gave a good balance definitely a memorable book which will stay with me for a long time. It has certainly changed my feelings towards parents of autistic children and I now have far more empathy to them. I would certainly recommend this book to friends and others wanted to learn more or indeed just as a cracking good read.

A few pages into this book I was taken back 25+ years to a work role in which I supported, or tried to support, parents of children with a range of learning disabilities, including children on the autistic spectrum. I heard so many stories from families and could see each one as I was reminded by a particular scenario. It is a powerful book, not for everyone I think but for me an absorbing read. It reminded me of the power of communication, the pain that can be caused by what is said and what is not said and that we don't always need words to communicate powerfully. How would it have been for Ben if Georg had shared his history, how would Emma and Ben have been in their marriage if their communication had been clearer? Changing the picture we hold of how our child will be before they are born is both difficult and painful. How hard not to blame ourselves, and when we do how easy to be destructive in that blame. The book made me consider the difficulty of coming to terms with the knowledge that our child will never achieve as society expects them to, as we anticipated they would. The pain when we see other children meet milestones from toiletting to achieving in education. To see young adults learn to drive, form positive relationships, have their own home, change their way of relating to us as they reach adulthood, the list of our expectations is endless and with each anticipated developmental milestone the pain can be re-activated. I didn't judge Ben or Emma, I didn't think I knew enough, and when I understood their pressures and stories I was pleased that I had been able to hold back and just wait and see. None of us can know what it is really like to be another person, those of us lucky enough to not battle with the special education system cannot know the pressures and pain it brings. This book gives us an insight into how it can be and hopefully leaves everyone who reads it with a deeper understanding. Thank you Jem for offering me a new challenge and thank you Gransnet for giving me the opportunity to read about Jonah.

A powerful,sad,emotional read. A story of love , and loss, and fighting a system that sees people as expenditure. A lovely book ..I enjoyed every page,and Georg 's story at the end was heartbreaking. Well done Jem.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this book. It has been an emotional experience to do so and not many books are powerful enough to evoke such a response. With family experience of several of the issues explored in the book, including autism, I knew this would not be an easy read but found myself carried along by the tide of events and often reading late into the night as I could not put it down. I would not say I enjoyed the book but found it a compelling read.
I am quite sure that many of those charged with making decisions about the future of those unable to make decisions for themselves never see the whole picture. Even spending just 24 hours in a situation would give them a clearer picture as Ben showed in his submission to the Tribunal. The stresses and strains on family life, all those forms to fill in, meetings to attend and the emotionally draining day to day existence are bound to take their toll and none of knows how we would cope with such circumstances yet those faced with them have no choice. Certainly this book should be read by anyone whose work touches on such families and by those who have friends or relatives affected by such challenges as few know what goes on behind closed doors.
I have to applaud Jem Lester for writing this book, an experience that must have been more traumatic for him than for those who read it, and yet I hope it has been cathartic as writing so often is. I wonder, will Jem continue to write about such issues or will he now feel free to explore quite different avenues?

Have just finished reading this book and found my sympathies with the characters changed as I got further into the story, showing that we shouldn't rush into making judgments when we don't know all the facts.
I was left wondering how other less articulate parents, manage to fight for what that child needs, and how the parents themselves cope if they do not have access to supportive family, money for expensive detox etc.
Like others I felt Georg was the real rock for the whole family despite himself having a very touching and harrowing back story.
I'd be really interested in reading a book that explored his story further and the reasons for his marriage break up.