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Care & carers

getting the care my mum deserves.

(7 Posts)
careformum Tue 02-Apr-13 16:59:02

l am an only child and my mother was the best parent there can be. its my turn now to look after mum got ill in 2010. l looked after her at my house since then. she was taken into hospital jan 2013 and has got worse since then. she is 82, she cant walk, cant feed herself is incontinent, and keeps loosing weight.she is now very frail and on the scales she is 5 stone.l have been going mad with getting care for her. l have asked for her to go in a nursing home. her assessment papers state from the hospital, that she needs 24 hour long term nursing care. my daughter works at the care home and thats where l have been asking for her to go. she also has a "mass " in her bladder which they wont touch as she is too frail. so we are feeling the worst. they now tell me she has to go home to her own 1 bed house, and they will send someone in 2 or 3 times a day. the trouble is my mum lives in middx and l live in kent.. l am now fighting this. she cannot be on her own at all. whos going to give her a sip of water as she cannot do it herself. she cant even turn herself to another position. l am moving soon to be near i can go and see her every day.. l phoned age concern and they said if it says 24 hour nursing on her hospital forms they must meet her requirements.. l am going to the home tomorrow to speak to the manager. she said bring all the forms and l will see what we can do. l'm up the hospital everyday to chat to her and feed her. i will post again what the outcome is as l am going to fight all the way to get my mum peace. l am already disgusted what l see in the hospital with the old folk, my mums got me but most of them have no one instance was they sat her on an air cushion that had broken for one week and she was sitting on hard wood, l used to go in and lift her back to bed everytime, she has no flesh on her just bones, complaining didnt get me anywhere...the patients all look forward to me going and cheering them up.. shes been in there 2 months now and l'm still fighting to get her what she deserves. hope somebody can give me any tips, l would be grateful. thank you.

Mishap Tue 02-Apr-13 17:34:52

I have been through some very similar things with my Dad recently.

Is she over the savings limit for financial help with her care? - if so, you can choose what happens to her. My Dad is going home on Thursday with a live-in carer, which is a cheaper option than nursing home and his carer will concentrate exclusively on his needs.

Please feel free to pm me. She sounds as though she qualifies for what is called Continuing Health Care funding if she needs 24 hour a day nursing care - this means that the health authority have to pay for her care after hospital.

I cannot state too strongly that if this poor lady is as thin as you say, attention to her pressure areas is of paramount importance. My Nan, who was similarly thin and frail, was nursed on a net bed which helped to improve things.

Hospitals are obliged to create appropriate care plans for discharge and cannot just send her home without proper assessment and provision of aids and adaptations.

HUNTERF Tue 02-Apr-13 18:08:57

The only thing I can add to what Mishap says is don't take her out of the hospital.
If you take her home as far as the hospital is concerned the problem is gone.
Social Services are often slow to react.
I know of a case where a father was almost driving a son mad because of his dementia and the only way to get help was to dial 999.
The son then said that if nothing was done the NHS hospital would have 2 patients instead of 1.
The son was told he was responsible for moving the father out of hospital but he stood his ground and refused.
As it happened about 20 care homes looked at his father and refused to take him in because of his behaviour problems.
Eventually the NHS found a home but the son refused to arrange payment.
After a lot of argument and several more days bed blocking NHS funding was arranged.


ninathenana Wed 03-Apr-13 09:29:20

I agree it sounds like CHC is what's called for. Don't be persuaded to take mum home.
Good luck

HUNTERF Wed 03-Apr-13 10:23:36

Another thing I would say is stand up for your rights.
One of my friends father was assessed as being entitled to NHS funding after a fight.
Several homes came to assess him and after about 2 months one was found.
While this was happening his father was in a hospital bed.
The father had little money but had his share in an expensive house. The son was the other owner occupier.
The social worker some how found out the son had owned another house in the past.
She then said that it would be far better if the son paid for the home as it would possibly take 2 or 3 weeks for the NHS funding to be approved and the room could be gone by that time.
The son stood firm knowing his father was in a safe place and he was transferred to the home 4 days later.
Also I have visited about a dozen different homes some on several occasions and I have never known one to be full as people pass away on a regular basis.


snowbird Mon 22-Apr-13 13:25:19

i did put a post on here that i thought might be helpfull . Dont know where its gone lol.

PaulaDean Fri 31-Jul-15 12:04:15

I have been looking after my mum for about 4 years now but recently it became very difficult with my newborn on the way. I looked into the various options of care available and decided that live in care would be best for her. I didn't want to use an agency but after hours of research was able to find a carer myself using
This gave me a chance to meet the carer before and find the right person for her. I think the most confusing thing about hiring a carer privately is the tax and payroll since i have never done this before. Has anyone gone through a agency or hired a carer privately before?