Friend getting worse

Take Notanan's advice. Once Adult Social Care have been notified it is up to them to contact her relatives etc. And you can rest assured that you have done your duty.

We had a similar situation with my mother in law. We live 300 miles away and she wouldn't accept there was a problem or that she needed help. Her younger son loved much closer but she was very rude and nasty to his wife and wouldn't let them in when they called. We eventually got a home visit from a nurse after contacting the Gp, but it took several attempts. Even then she refused. Any help and they couldn't do anything. Shortly afterwards, the neighbour contacted us to say they hadn't seen her for a few days and the police had to break in and rescue her. We think she had a stroke , her speech had gone. She had pneumonia as a result of hypothermia, her kidneys were failing and we all agreed that she should not be resuscitated. Without any treatment, she pulled through and three years down the line she is well cared for in a specialist nursing home for dementia patients. If only she had accepted help earlier, but she would not! Very difficult, even if you are family.

Our bowling club is in the same position re the increasing memory loss etc of a member who lives alone. We re being as vigilant as we can, and if she gets into situations where she s not safe we will have to act! It's very worrying cos she thinks she s fine.

My dear mum who died last year completely 'lost the plot' with a urine infection, she could hear loud music and saw children in her bedroom- all very worrying at the time.

It does require medical investigation. It might not be Alzheimers. I believe urinary infections can cause some very odd and uncharacteristic behaviour in elderly people. Also, for a short period of time, my Mum started seeing things - horses looking over the garden fence, giant cobwebs, etc. etc. I read that such "hallucinations" can sometimes occur when a person has macular degeneration, which she has.

Contact Age UK, they will see you on the right path.

miep, i hope you have found the right advice,she is lucky to have a friend like you

Well I hope something is done soon, because the way she is going on it sounds like she is going to end up in a potentially difficult situation before this is resolved.

I do agree with others that if you know which Doctor's Surgery she is registered with I would contact them with your concerns, maybe you could talk to one of the GPs. Failing that Adult Social Services would be best people to contact - make sure you speak to some-one & keep a note of their name. Good luck as she probably thank you but she sounds very vulnerable.

Rudeness, losing control over speech and behaviour and lacking a sense of appropriateness can all be associated with Alzheimer's and dementia. My own mother was as nice as pie all her life and is now sometimes quite angry and mean due to the onset of Alzheimer's. Perhaps this woman was always a little acid but the condition is worsening it. I shouldn't blame her too much.

Getting Social Services involved soulnds like the way to go if you cannot discover her daughter's contact details.

We don't eat out often but had got into the habit of stopping for a coffee and a sandwich if we were in town around lunchtime until I worked out that over the course of a month we were spending in the region of £100 (sandwiches being in the region of £4-5 and coffee £2-3). This is a reasonable sum when you are on a budget and to be honest I would rathergo out for a meal in the evening once a month as an 'event' than have a number of lunches each month. My DD and SIL moan about the cost of meat and veg, but happily buy the DGDs clothes from JoJo Maman et Bebe - can't quite get my head round the priorities

Please have a look at the Talking Point forum on the alzheimers.org.uk website. You will be able to find a lot of help and support there. You friend is obviously a vulnerable adult.

Please don't come and put me away, I sometimes sit in the garden in my nightwear!

Before contacting SS, could you not try to find out who her GP is? It might just be old age confusion and she might be really scared of someone turning up who she doesn't know who they are. Maybe she is just a cantankerous sort of person, lots are at 75 years old. Her medical notes should have a next of kin. I would try to find out her doctors and then let them inform the next of kin. After all, it is up to them to decide what to do, not you. I would have been horrified if anyone had decided my dad's care without my knowledge. And even though I don't speak to my mum who is 76, I know that she is being looked after by my siblings. If she wasn't, I would have stepped in and made sure she was being looked after appropriately, even though I don't get on with her the same these days. It doesn't mean that I wouldn't care though if she was on her own with no one to help her. Maybe the daughter would be thankful of being contacted, if only for the practical side of making sure her mother is ok.

silverlining48 It seems no one is sure where the daughter is.
My idea of calling the police is in the particular circumstance that an elderly person not properly dressed and sitting outside of the house in the cold, is facing a severe risk of hypothermia which could make her even more confused and less able to understand how cold she is getting.

That is a urgent health issue.

The police can act straight away to get her out of danger.
It is highly unlikely she would be locked up in a mental health section in these circumstances. The police are generally very caring in these situations.

It sounds very much like your friend has dementia but as previous poster said water infections can bring on these symptoms. The advice already suggested is helpful and the first port of call should be the daughter. Calling the police could mean she is removed and sectioned in a psychiatric unit and is fairly drastic as a first course of action. Speak to social services or drop a note into the surgery. Try not to forget if it is dementia she cannot help herself. It's a horrible part of the disease and many people behave this way. Not her fault, but hard nonetheless.

Notanan, why it is a good idea to try and check with the daughter if she is aware of all that is happening, because she may not know! My Mum was going outside in the middle of the night, neighbours knew and did not tell us, even though we called in 3 times everyday.

It is easier for a direct family member to talk to the GP, my Mums GP would talk to me about her health when she would not have been able to exchange information in the same way with a friend. Adult Social Care will take a referral from neighbours and friends.

Miep If you know where she lives that is a start.
If she is sitting out at night in her night wear she is at risk.
I would call the police to start with and ask for a safe and well check. Explain the situation to them, the police can act right away and could in theory take her to a safe place without her permission if they feel she cannot make an informed decision.

Social services cannot do that straight away.
Poor woman.

I would have thought the onset of dementia was a change in personality, apparently nasty behaviour is a symptom in a third of people. If your friend has the onset of dementia she really can't help her behaviour. I would have more sympathy, it does sound like she needs your help.

Your friends does need some help, and the best person to involve would be her daughter
Why?

OP go on your local LA/council website, there will be contact info for your local adult SS there

I think you're right to help, no matter how nasty someone is they should have access to the right care

Doesn't sound like she's turned nasty because of the possible dementia (which can happen to people who have been lovely all their lives!), but rather that she is a nasty person who has recently developed dementia, so I guess what I'm saying is look after yourself! The way she talks about other people to you is the way she talks about you and yours to other people!

Your friends does need some help, and the best person to involve would be her daughter if you can persuade your friend to let you know where she lives or give you a telephone number.

As a concerned friend you can make a referral to your local social services, the number should be on your LA Web page. If you decide to contact them, try and get the facts together first so you can explain what is happening.

Altzehimers does cause changes in behaviour and is often a cause of aggression.

Hope you can sort something out.

That's a good idea Mary59nana. I agree, if possible Miep, get your friend to a doctor, and let them get the ball rolling, if the Doc won't confide in you then also contact SS, tell them about the Doc appointment. As Ninathenana said they will be duty bound to respond.
You are not family so this is not really your responsibility, but you do sound like a good friend, and a caring person.Do what you can to get the ball rolling, I would say, then leave it to the authorities. Perhaps they also try to track down any family? I am not sure how far reaching their involvement is.

Sometimes having a water infection UTI can cause confusion of the mind and odd behaviour in older people maybe a trip to the Drs would be the first port of call.
They can start the ball rolling with other health workers and SS

How sad miep, your neighbour sounds very much how my dad acted poor soul. I hope you find some help very soon.

Cross-posts nina

miep You'll find SS number in the phone book, under your local council. Just ring and say you have concerns about an elderly neighbour