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1st Timer at Respite Care

(24 Posts)
Granny23 Sat 20-Jan-18 15:36:07

It has been 3 months since Social Worker raised the topic of respite care for DH and subsequently arranged 3 days/nights at the LA run care facility. When she asked what I would do with my break I immediately said I would go to Dublin as both my sister and I have always wanted to make the trip but neither of our DHs was interested. Sister was delighted and immediately started to make plans and bookings.

BIg Mistake - with hindsight I should have chosen a short break somewhere nearby or simply stayed at home for a rest. I only discovered a couple of weeks ago that DH is not expected to arrive until 3pm whereas I depart for the airport at 8am, similarly I will get home at 6.30 PM while he leaves the care home at 11am. Too late to change my flights and may well be delayed if this weather continues.

DDs will do the delivery and collect runs and entertain their Dad till I arrive back which means that both SILs will have to do the school runs. I had to get my passport renewed, a complicated process especially when you have to turn the house upside down to find the old one (tho' when I did find it there was 100+ Euros tucked in side grin). The care home required DH's medication in brand new unopened packs but the surgery would not sign the prescription because his repeat prescription is not due
for another couple of weeks - pharmacist sorted that out but I only got them yesterday. Since New Year we have had a week of no phone/internet and been snowed in 3 different days. Both DDs and the DGC have had the flu so been keeping well away from us.

Meanwhile DH has been asking incessantly about the details _ How will he get there? what will happen with our car? How will he pay at the B&B? Will he have his own room? Can he come home if he doesn't like it? will he be locked in. All answers given and written on his note pad but still asked 20/30 times a day.

He is convinced I am leaving him and off to Dublin to find a handsome young Irishman (I wish!) I've pointed out to him that as he will be surrounded by mainly female residents and staff he is much more likely to get a 'click' than I am.

I am sure he will be OK when he gets there. As for myself, I am worn out, exhausted and worried sick that something will go wrong. Some respite Eh!

silverlining48 Sat 20-Jan-18 15:47:02

Oh dear. Is there any chance of extending arrival and/or departure times at the respite place? Otherwise you have plans in place. Try to keep calm so your husband is not overly anxious before his visit. If he enjoys it he will be willing to go again.
If family or friends could keep in touch with the home and be prepared to visit him if necessary that will help put your mind at rest.
I hope you can enjoy your trip to ireland, its much deserved.

Megram Sat 20-Jan-18 15:49:38

You've jumped all the hurdles, now go and enjoy yourself - it will all be fine!

Luckygirl Sat 20-Jan-18 15:51:41

I hope you can find a way of enjoying the trip; but I do think you are right that a quiet few days might have been a better idea! - isn't hindsight wonderful?!

kittylester Sat 20-Jan-18 16:06:28

Having managed this, G23, the next time will be a doddle! Enjoy!

gillybob Sat 20-Jan-18 18:54:47

You had better go and enjoy this break Granny23 OR ELSE !

Christinefrance Sat 20-Jan-18 19:19:22

Yes it will be fine, enjoy Granny23. You can always have a quiet break next time. Good luck.

cornergran Sat 20-Jan-18 20:19:35

You’ve definitely done the hard bit, the next one will certainly be easier and the one after than easier still. You’ll be fine once you get there and relax. Do let us know how it goes, wishing you well.

midgey Sat 20-Jan-18 22:16:50

I made similar mistakes when our first respite. I was on my knees when I picked my husband up!

dbDB77 Sat 20-Jan-18 22:56:59

I'm sure your DH will be well looked after - time to relax and think of yourself - have a great time Granny23 - after a few pints of guinness everything will look fine grin

OldMeg Sat 20-Jan-18 23:10:33

Well done for all that juggling. Now go ahead and have a well earned break x

Granny23 Sun 28-Jan-18 16:54:43

Pleased to report that Dsis and I had a truly wonderful time in Dublin mainly thanks to the kindness and willingness to help of the Dubliners, both native Irish and incomers from all round the world (only a third of Dublin Residents are Irish!). Airport staff, fellow passengers, hotel, shop and bar staff and passers by, leapt to our assistance at every turn, lifting our luggage, finding us seats, giving us directions. We were overwhelmed and began to worry that we appeared older and more doddery than we felt. However, a young man explained that it is the 'Cult of the Mammy' which makes Irish lads respectful and kind to all older ladies.

Best of all was the propensity of almost everyone to engage in easy conversation, to have a blether, with folk in a bus queue, seated next to them in a cafe or mostly in my case in the many partially enclosed 'smoking areas'. We visited most of the historic sites and gained a better understanding of Irish History. We found that we knew most of the traditional Irish songs from our days in a folk group, were singing along with great gusto.

Meanwhile DH, though rather confused, enjoyed his time in Respite Care, said he was very well fed and looked after but somewhat embarrassed to be given help in the shower and with dressing by a young woman. They say that Absence Makes the Heart grow Fonder - this certainly seems to be the case as I was welcomed home with hugs and cuddles and numerous expressions of thanks for all I do for him and apologies for taking that for granted. I expected him to plead with me never to leave him again but instead he has said that the 'break' has done us both good and we should do it again. As a bonus this has given the DDs an insight into how tedious and tiring the endless confusions and repetition of questions from their Dad can be. He usually keeps up a cheery front when they visit but was unable to maintain that over the longer period.

loopyloo Sun 28-Jan-18 17:13:38

So glad it went well. You had a well deserved break and Dublin sounds like fun. I would book the next Respite care as soon as possible and give yourself something to look forward to!

Elegran Sun 28-Jan-18 17:19:57

Sounds like a win-win situation. Everyone has gained from it. Next time round will be much easier and you wil be more confident. Well done.

kittylester Sun 28-Jan-18 17:20:54

Thank you for the update G23. Great to hear you had a good time and that DH is happy to repeat the experience. It will be easier next time!!

Cherrytree59 Sun 28-Jan-18 17:26:46

What a lovely
So glad that you enjoyed your break Granny23
Hopefully your batteries will have been charged.

And yes the bonus being that others have gained an understanding of what you have to cope with in your day to day life.

mcem Sun 28-Jan-18 18:06:16

Pleased to hear it. It's gone well enough to allow both you and DH to look forward to the next break. Keep up the positive impetus!

I'm very fond of Dublin and would enjoy a return visit. Lovely folk!

Purpledaffodil Sun 28-Jan-18 18:09:11

Lovely to read a success story. Sounds like you all benefited 😁

annodomini Sun 28-Jan-18 18:33:57

What a lovely break, G23. I'm all for the 'cult of the mammy' and wish it would extend across the Irish Sea! Glad your DH was none the worse - indeed much the better - for his respite. Hope you are able to repeat the experience.

Bellanonna Sun 28-Jan-18 19:12:12

Delighted for you G23. So glad it went off so well. I love Dublin and could happily live there. Here’s to the next time. I’m so happy for you, too, that DH was so nice to you on your return. Here’s to the next time. Slainte!

Baggs Sun 28-Jan-18 19:17:13

Yus! 😁

gillybob Sun 28-Jan-18 19:19:54

I’m so pleased you enjoyed your break granny23 and your DH was well looked after too. It must’ve been a very welcome change of scenery and routine for you and I do hope you get to do it again soon . smile

cornergran Sun 28-Jan-18 19:22:54

Very pleased you had a good outcome.

Christinefrance Sun 28-Jan-18 19:26:15

That's brilliant Granny23 so pleased to hear things were a success all round.
Here's to the next time wine