Caring for everybody?!

I've been one of those " willing horses " for most of my life and have been involved in all manner of situations but last year,my 77th, I really had to call it a day after having attended to my next door neighbour whose husband had dementia. I'd been called upon at all hours of the night and day for nearly 5 years until a mini-stroke told me that enough was enough. The couple are now in nursing homes and this last few months of respite for me has been bliss--------only trouble is,I'm well enough now to again handle anything which comes my way instead keeping my head down. Refusing is alien to me which is probably down to the nursing career that I had.

TillyWhiz My late mum had a saying “they only flog the willing horse” which I never used to understand . But I do now. The more I do the more I am expected to do and I have never learned to say the “no” word .

I suspect that you’re regarded as being a strong person and therefore able to handle anything. As so many on here have said, you need to take care of yourself properly, emotionally, physically, mentally, if so much is being demanded of you. You are important too.

fourormore, lazigirl You are right, the guilt is there, mainly because I am so aware of the problems these people have. But then I must remember I have one too! Thank you for your support.

I think a Carer's first duty is to care for themselves, and guilt should not come into it, self preservation is important. I felt the same Tilly but I once I started to say no it got easier after a bit, and the sky didn't fall in! Feel less stressed now. Good luck.

Good luck Tillywhiz- I've been along the same road.
The more you do, the more, certain people, demand of you. As a carer you have more than enough to cope with but I was asked once - "Who cares for you?"
Sadly I had no answer at that time but it is so very hard to say 'No' isn't it?
Once you have refused a few times it does get easier - that is until the feelings of guilt set in!
Just feel the support of us all!

?You are welcome TillyWhiz and you can do it just think of us Gransnetters on your shoulder ??

Bridgeit Thank you, that is a lovely phrase to use, just what I need I think. After such a week, I put a Post-it note by the phone with a big NO on it but that seems too unkind!
Welshwife I'm lucky in that there are several Carers' Cafes round here so I will try to join another one further away. It's such a shame but the local one is now full of noncarers or past carers who have needs of their own and are not interested in offering me any support.
Jalima1108 You're right, be prepared for attack instead of surprised!

Tillywhiz don't they say 'If you want something done, ask a busy person'.

As Bridgeit says, you will have to learn to say 'no' in a polite but firm manner and with a

Does nobody offer to help you instead?
I am not in your position but I think that is very uncaring of people knowing what you do to ask for more. As Bridgeit says get a reply ready for these times.

Yes, I understand what you are saying, it is because helpful people are just that, which makes it much easier for others to ask for more & more knowing that they are unlikely to have their request refused.
You are obviously a nice helpful person, but you need to have a phrase ready in your head to handle these situations.
Mine is ‘ I am really sorry but on this occasion I won’t be able to help’
It gets easier to do & they will become more respectful of you & your time. Best wishes , dont forget you & your time is as equal and as important as anyone else’s.