Live-in care

We looked into it quite seriously for an aunt of dh's - increasingly immobile and unable to manage, but no dementia.

However, since she needed someone on hand to help 24/7, for loo trips in the night, etc., that meant more than one person on shifts and it worked out considerably more expensive than a nice care home, esp. when you took into account all the costs of running a home, food, etc., on top.

She badly needed a care home, and we did get her there eventually, but boy, the cost in stress for my poor dh - she was incredibly stubborn, not to mention tight with money, and hated shelling out for anything she thought neighbours should be only too happy to do for free.

Regardless of cost, we never even considered it for relatives with dementia. People with dementia can become very hostile and suspicious, accuse people of stealing things they've hidden, not to mention becoming aggressive, sometimes frighteningly so, as I found out with my formerly mild-mannered FiL.

We have 2 carers 4times a day.Without their help for my husband I would not cope. The company We use employ full time live in carers. . Having extra help may speed your recovery making live in care no longer a requirement you can cancel giving notice and return to previous care level. For your own sake give it a try. Make your wishes clear from outset.

The period of time the carer works depends very much on the agency. I did 2 weeks at a time with a week off. Luckily I had somewhere to stay during that time, but it's difficult for some expats who don't have family or a place to stay.
In my jobs, if there was a night call, I was paid extra.
The worst part of the job wasn't the work, but the boredom. You are living in someone else's home at their beck and call and if in a rural area, without a car you would be stuck.
I actually enjoyed the work and found being able to help people who needed my care very satisfying.

I’m just curious, so forgive me as I can’t offer any advice on your suggestions but is it right that a person would be with you for 3 weeks 24/7 with just 2 hrs off a day?

What about sleep ? Or are they on duty at night too?

It’s sounds exhausting - but perhaps I don’t understand properly.

It worked well for someone I knew. The carer was from an agency, arrangements were made in advance for days off etc, she was long-term and it worked very well. Eventually another carer was needed a couple of times a day to help with the hoist. My friend had a weekly cleaner so the carer did no cleaning but did the cooking.

The carer told me that some carers were ex-pats who became live-in carers for a fixed length of time to enable them to visit the UK and see relatives although many of those got contracts for the south to save the agency more travel expenses after paying the air fares.

Some of the care described on here,particularly as described by chloesgranny sounds like exploitation to me.
Constant care and just 2 weeks off a year!!
We expect too ,much.
The care a wife or child gives goes over and above what we can expect a paid carer to do.
That is the way of the world.

Luckygirl, if you decide to try live in help and found you didn't like it, then you could revert to the old system, and nothing lost for trying it out?

BTW does the frenetic activity occur at regular times? Maybe a live in help who is also part time might be less expensive than 24 hr care.

I worked as a live-in carer when I first came to the UK from South Africa, It was through an agency called Consultus based in Kent. We were paid according to the type of care needed and usually got a couple of hours off in the afternoon. Helping with meal preparation was part of the job as was shopping, driving to appointments etc. I often did clean, although that was not part of my job. Although most of the clients were lovely, there were a couple of horrible people, one of whom threw her lunch at me because I commiserated with her family being so far away in Australia!
Continuity of care is so important in many conditions, so having a live-carer (if you can afford it, and have the room) is certainly an option.

I run a carers Support Group and have two Carers attending my group who have 24/7 live in Carers. They work alternate weeks so one week on and one week off and also have two hours off in the afternoon everyday but that is it. On top of the £145 per 24 hours their food is additional. In both instances the wife does all the cooking in return for the carer doing all the cleaning and ironing. It works really well and both say the cRer is great Support and companionship for them too and has in fact taught them to laugh and enjoy life again. Personally I would have found it very hard to have someone else attending to my husband without my assistance when I was his carer and would not have liked anyone living in either but that is just me. For them it works well. So if you like the idea of having someone living in and can afford the extra help go for it. The national company these Carers use are excellent and does all the arranging and matching for you. If you don't like a carer on arrival you can exchange them within very short notice. Good luck.

My mother had dementia,.She went into a home in 1996 but before that, not immediately but a year or two before, she had a live-in carer. The lady was very pleasant and was from the Philipines. Mum had a 3 room flat so the carer had a small bedroom but shared meals and they could sit together in the living room. My mum watched tv most of the time. I can't recall why it ended. My mother needed meals prepared and someone there for safety, more a companion. There was a cleaner too. I went in to check daily, did the shopping etc and another good friend did too. The friend complained about the carer. I think we advertised for someone. Didn't go through an agency, but I think things probably operate differently now. I'm not sure this is helpful

I like the uni student idea, accommodation etc is so expensive. Different courses have different demands for time in uni.

I have 2 South African friends who do this. They are wonderful caring ladies who have become good friends with “their families” . They work 6 days a week for quite long hours and get regular leave breaks, when extra cover is needed. Personally I think it comes down to whether you feel comfortable having someone living in your home. ....

My neighbours have recently accepted the fact that neither can look after the other and now have live-in carers. One for the day, another for the night and one to relieve the day carer for 2 hours every day. They also have a cleaner once a week who's been 'doing' their house for many years. From what I can gather, the day carer is there for about 8 weeks, then is replaced by another for the same length of time. I can't imagine it's cheap, but it seems to work for them although the wife did say it was very strange to begin with having someone in the house all the time.

I had an aunt who was blind and had poor mobility. She lived in Hampshire and had a live in carer from Country Cousins. She did everything in the house and was happy to cook for visitors. In Suffolk there is an agency called Christie’s Care that an elderly friend used. Her carer has been with her several years. She needs help with everything. Again her carer is happy to do everything but does expect to eat with her employer and any visitors. She has a break each day and 2 weeks off a year. The agency has a good local reputation. I don’t know whether it operates only in Suffolk or whether it has branches nationwide. If you employed someone from an agency at least they would handle the paperwork and if you didn’t get on they would find you a replacement rather than you having to do it. Good luck!!

I have been making enquiries about my elderly friend's situation. It is an agency. The carers who live in, do 3 months on. 3 months off.
I haven't found the cost yet or how this was chosen.
It sounds as if you need support yourself now.

You could start to think about how to arrange care by putting a room aside with its own bed, desk and TV. You should have a wifii available for the person to log on to.

Before you go the expensive rout of full time care from an agency you could try an internet platform such as Helpx. Agencies could provide you with an au pair for the elderly. As you will be hosting and paying these live in carers they cook for both of you and do the household laundry.

Iat is only when you are not paying and they are provided by the council that their services may not include helping the carer. However this was supposed to be overcome by having a carer's assessment so that both parties got support.

This does seem an option Lucky and one I did consider for my mother, but worked out way too expensive. You need someone able to cope with OHs personal care but also other necessary tasks like extra laundry, housework and cleaning, meal prep and of course to relieve you of some of the responsibility & stress, but its difficult to cover all bases. Could you try someone for a few days to see how it works? Perhaps employ someone regularly fo cleaning and laundry, and look at some relief personal care separately. I think it would be difficult having a stranger in the house full time, but with the right person it could work?

SunnySusie I had a friend who lived near to me when we lived in Spain she worked for Country Cousins and every couple of months she moved over to UK to be a live in carer for families who needed her services,she would stay with the family for 4/6 weeks at a time she was very well thought of by her regular families and constantly requested by them for times such as when they went on holidays themselves and needed their parents caring for.
It was quite expensive but gave the families full peace of mind,my friend had her flights paid and she was paid extra if she had to get up during the night for extra care.

Lucky, could dh go into respite care for a couple of weeks while you take stock and get organised?

I remember seeing something about a lady who was matched with a student. The student got free accommodation and in return had to do some tasks, like shopping, cleaning etc. She found a lovely young woman who was also happy with the deal as she had company and didn’t have the huge debt of accommodation. I think she may have been a nursing student. It wasn’t personal care though. Would something like that work?

Luckygirl - I would think your husband would be happier with a male than female carer?
Not sure about that though - I know a man who got very attached to his female carer .

CrazyH the CSV used to have a scheme like that.
They had (generally) young people in effect "lodging" in exchange for some company and cooking, shopping or gardening etc. Unfortunately I can't remember what the project was called - it was a small part of what CSV did but struck me as being a great idea.

Here's the website anyway:
volunteeringmatters.org.uk/news/national-charity-community-service-volunteers-csv-becomes-volunteering-matters/

Would give them a ring and ask to speak to one of the project leaders - they may well know if it's still running.

I am in agreement with Luckygirl

Lucky girl I know I sound like an old cracked record but when things got to the stage you are describing now, I knew I couldn't carry on any longer.
I was much older than you, 81, but probably in better physical health than you at the start.
I am not now, I carried on for far too long.

My neighbour has a live in service called Country Cousins which I think is something to do with Saga. Both of them need personal care and the carer prepares meals. Neither need care at night and they had to have mobility aids and hoists installed because its not allowed for the carer to do anything risky where they might for example strain their back. The carer has to have regular days off and holidays. Their daughter who lives abroad comes over when the carer is away. The carer doesnt do cleaning and they employ a cleaner seperately. I dont know how much it all costs, but I think they had some financial help with the conversions to the house and the hoist.