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Care & carers

Feeling left out!

(15 Posts)
sue421 Tue 16-Jul-19 20:34:26

I have always been a very outgoing person but caring has stopped that though I ensure I get out for couple of hours a day, some days. But a few days ago I realised that my friends had got to know each other through various clubs I used to belong to and they have great days out visiting galleries, historic homes through the clubs I introduced them to! I'm not even sad really but realise what I am missing! I am needed here but feeling left out of life! That's all, am sure there are others that feel the same.

Peonyrose Tue 16-Jul-19 20:40:57

IT must be so hard for you and I'm sorry you are missing out. Why don't you sent a text to all your friends, saying something like, you miss them all, but at the moment you are in this caring role and things are difficult. Is there no way you could get arrange a few hours when someone else takes over from you, or arrange a week of respite care. Please try, you deserve some time out. I know personally how caring takes over your life until you feel you're disappearing.

Luckygirl Tue 16-Jul-19 21:03:28

Oh - tell me about it! - how I identify with this. I am so sorry that you are in this situation.

I have resorted to 24 hour care as the only way to make sure proper care is given and to ensure that I do not get totally out of the loop socially. Before that started I was paying a friend to stand in for me when I needed to go out. And Parkinsons UK paid for 9 hours care for the express purpose of making it possible for me to go out.

You must find ways to get out and about - it is vital to your well-being. I send all my sympathy. x

SalsaQueen Wed 17-Jul-19 06:52:55

Have you thought about getting someone to sit with your partner(?) for a while so that you can get out?

Crossroads Care is a large organisation (they have branches all over the country) is worth contacting. Years ago, I worked for them and used to stay with a person for anything from 2 hours to a whole weekend.

Carers Trust, too, or Macmillan, may be worth looking at.

GinJeannie Wed 17-Jul-19 09:50:12

I, too, used Crossroads many years ago. They would call in St a weekend and chat with Mum, who was not physically disabled but had dementia. She insisted on living alone and , as an only child living a few miles away, it was such a comfort to me and my family. Do please think about contacting them, you've nothing to lose.

mammabear Wed 17-Jul-19 10:08:39

Hi, have you got a Carers Centre near to you, they are very good and provide advice on how to access support, provide a carers assessment to back up your need for respite, and offer a good listening ear. They have a social network too so you can meet people in the same situation as yourself.
Just wonder if your loved one gets Attendance Allowance- if over 65 years- as this helps to pay for respite in your home.
However if you live in Scotland you may get carer respite under free personal care and it would then be free, but this is a postcode lottery as some councils still charge. Sadly in England I believe this is a chargeable service.

Witchypoo Wed 17-Jul-19 10:12:29

Crossroads were excellent with my husband who had dementia. I had two days of two hours to get out to look after me. The carer he had he got on famously with which helped. I felt refreshed when i got home

Willow500 Wed 17-Jul-19 10:13:26

Yes I can relate to this. We cared for my parents on an ever increasing need over 4 years and gradually lost touch with all friends being unable to socialise as we were also working full time on top of travelling back and forth to my in-laws who were also very ill. We've never really got back into the social circles we were in.

If there is some help available even if it's just for a couple of hours to get out of the house try to take it. You need to take care of your own welfare too.

Whingingmom Wed 17-Jul-19 11:40:49

Agree with previous posters. Carers uk have a website www.carersuk.org/ which might be helpful. In our area you can register as a carer, they advise re respite care ( even for a few hours so you can catch up with your friends) and also offer a local support group and discounts in activities.
Make sure you look after yourself properly, if you don’t do that you can’t care for anyone else.
I have been in a similar situation and send you hugs x

ReadyMeals Wed 17-Jul-19 18:51:58

Have you tried asking your mates to come around to your place (or wherever the caring is taking place) for a couple of hours tea and cakes?

Lb66 Wed 17-Jul-19 19:55:00

Sue, I completely understand. I am caring for both my parents 90 and 92 both have Alzheimer's and other physical problems. My husband is marvellous with them but yes we have some awful days when we feel so trapped. I wish you all the very best xxx

Saggi Wed 17-Jul-19 21:48:05

There are some great answers and advice... my husband won’t accept help from anyone else only me...I have been ‘ caring’ for 23 years now ...married for 47...so half our life together! His doctors think I’ve done a wonderful job keeping him as healthy as possible ...Whoopie for me! Sorry for the moan ...but just when will my life start again!?

GreenGran78 Wed 17-Jul-19 23:50:38

Luckygirl. A friend would volunteer their services, even if only occasionally, to give you a break. They wouldn't expect to be paid.

Macgran43 Thu 18-Jul-19 00:09:14

My husband has dementia. I play tennis with two friends and their husbands look after my husband.My daughter who lives nearby comes and sits with her dad to let me go to my Art Class on a Tuesday evening. She works during the day . I take him with me to other activities.So yes I do have a life but a day away is impossible now. ( with friends) Hubbie and I can have the odd day away together so life not too bad at the moment.

sue421 Sun 21-Jul-19 15:50:46

Your replies have really lifted me...I am working at having some time just for me, I had let it slip....I am reading 'I Found My Tribe'by Ruth Fitzmaurice and am with her most of the way. So honest. I am going to have a notebook and write down good things, like coffee with friend, walking around, bit of gardening, watching Escape to the Chateau! whatever cheers my day as it is so easy for me to forget good things and only remember the bad days. I know I am not the only one in this position....thank you. X