Brother needs to go into a home, help!

I'm so sorry to read of this sad outcome, Classic. . You did all in your power to help your brother - don't feel guilty about that. I do understand a little, though, of how you feel as my darling sister died in less than ideal circustances earlier this year.

If you feel strong enough, it's worth making a complaint so that you know it could help others in the future.

So sorry to read of your distressing and frustrating time with people who seemed set on denying your late DB the care he so obviously needed. He was fortunate to have you and your sister fighting for him and you must assure yourself that he knew he was loved and valued as a person. When the emotions have calmed a little, perhaps, as others have suggested, you and your sister could compile a detailed summary of the dreadful problems you faced, and the indignities your brother had to face. This needs to be forwarded to your GP surgery, the SW department and your local MP. At the very least, you can perhaps help another family not to have to go through this same unnecessary pain.

seek out a body attached to your brother`s GP surgery...a person called Community Matron. A lot of people don't even know such a person exists! It`s like NHS Continuing Healthcare...a state secret almost!

We had the help of this `Superwoman` when my mil needed care urgently.

I agree with Dottynan. It seems at least two of the professionals have blundered: the "duty GP" and the social worker.The DN seems to have been remiss too. Is the DN service so abominably short staffed?

Classic, your letter to the grans makes the situation clear enough.

Your complaints justify letters to your GP practice, local health authority, social services director, and your MP.

Most of all I don't understand how your GP was not informed by "duty GP". Own GP was not orchestrating your brother's care from the beginning of his clinical need which would be from initial diagnosis of terminal illness? That seems odd. A social worker does not diagnose the progress of a client's clinical condition.

True, the DN came out and they can alert the doctor to clinical need, but why the delay "after many weeks"?

Letters to his GP, your member of parliament, the local health authority named top official, and the local direcrtoe of social work might at least get you an apology and an undertaking to ensure better procedures.

I myself wrote letters on behalf of a friend and the outcome was positive. I met appropriate officers who assured me procedures would be improved. Each letter informed recipients of who else had copies.

If you could do this you might feel you were of service to others and you'd feel better, and your dear brother's death and all your work had not been in vain.

Apologies for typo.
here

Classic I missed your first posts when you were trying to get help for your brother and am now sorry to hear about your loss.

I think perhaps you should write down a chronological order of events and agree with your sister it is correct. It does sound as if you should put in a complaint about the social worker and the lack of care all round for your brother so you need to have the facts ready and the order written down whilst it is still fresh, although you may find that emotionally difficult.

I don't know where you live (don't post it on here) but care seems to be patchy, better in some areas than others.
It is shocking that a most vulnerable member of society was not having his needs met - even with two caring sisters to fight his corner for him.

Classic, I'm so sorry for your loss. The circumstances must make it even harder to bear.

It is sad, dreadful and beyond wrong that what you and your family experienced should be happening in a so-called developed country in the 21st century. I hope you will feel helped by others who have posted her. Sending you

I am so sorry to hear about your brother's death - and under such dreadful circumstances.

Reading your experience with the statutory services is so depressing. And no real prospect of change - the issue of social care is sorrowfully lacking from the manifestos we are hearing about in the media.

I so identified with your comment about nit being believed - it really does produce a gut reaction of blind fury - this is happening to me at the moment. First application for CHC funding was turned down (now being appealed) - one of the items in the refusal was that there was no evidence of OH's psychotic behaviour - there was: me telling them about it. They might just as well have written down that I am a liar.

Second CCH funding meeting last Tuesday - again the raised eyebrows when I brought this up. Yesterday OH in the nursing home was screaming and shouting and calling people evil b*****s, ringing me to say he was being poisoned and eventually rang the police to say he was being held against his will - I rang CCH bods and said will you please ring the NH so they could get the picture. I doubt they will.

Your post has really struck a chord with me (I expect you can tell!) - your battle mirrors mine and I really do know how the sheer energy required to fight just drags you down in the end. It is bad enough to have a loved one like your brother so very very ill; but to have to engage in frustrating battles to get the care needed is the final straw.

It is not just incompetence, but a system that is totally broken - when will someone get a grip on this?

I send heartfelt good wishes to you and your family. I hope that you can take some comfort from the fact that you did everything you possibly could and just the fact that you were fighting his corner will have been will have been a comfort to him.

So sorry to hear your dreadful story. Please complain about the social worker or she will carry on with her uncaring attitude. RIP to your DB

Classic ,it sounds as if you and your sister did your best. Well done to you both. May your DB RIP

Send a copy of your complaint to the leader of your local council, the CEO and head of SS.

I agree about making a complaint. This is what I did. Those of us who don't know how to get round the system don't do very well.
I remember when someone came to assess my mother. If mum could make herself a cup of tea and a piece of toast, then she was able to live at home. She couldn't manage so the assessor helped her and then said she was fine!

You are concerned that you might have let your dear brother down. Please feel reassured that he would know by your constant presence and kind actions that you loved him. You were his champion.
You knew him and cherished him and made his life meaningful.
If you and your sister can summon the strength from somewhere then ask for an enquiry into the break down of SW care which has let down the very person the system was set up to protect. Such an action might bring some healing for the family and it may prevent others experiencing a similar ordeal.
As you grieve for him together and remember past happier times with fondness I wish you peace. ?

I could weep for you and your brother, you both and especially your dear brother deserved so much more.
Please do not let this go, send all details to everyone you think needs to know.
My H had 2 very young, inexperienced SW but at least they were lovely young women who did help us.
The one you dealt with should have retraining , in my opinion she should lose her job, but that won’t happen.Your MP should take up your case.
I feel very bitter on your behalf and sincerely hope for justice for you all.
I send you and your family my condolences.

I'm very sorry that you have had such a terrible time. At least your brother is at peace now. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
The system we have now is appalling and failing those most in need. I know a very elderly couple who are currently going through this. The husband has become very ill and the frail wife is desperate to get the help needed.

I am so sorry to read this Classic and for the loss of your brother. I would make a formal complaint about the SW. she needs to be reprimanded at the very least!

I'm so sorry Classic that is such a sad story and unfortunately not uncommon.
Your brother deserved better care than he was given and you and your sister should not have had to struggle as you did. It's a sad indictment of things today.
Take care of yourselves now, you did all you could.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Such a tragic chain of events.

Your brother was so lucky to have you to fight for him. It certainly was not you that let him down it was the system which I know from experience often doesn't work, that and the inept SW.
If I were you I'd be writing to her superiors.

Heartbreaking story with such a sad outcome You and your sister are to be comended for all the care and stress yo have both been through. I hope you both can have some well earned rest to get over all of this . Be kind to yourselves.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your much loved brother. You’ve been through more than anyone should, be gentle with yourself now. classic. You have nothing to reproach yourself about. .

So very sorry for your loss. Reading all that you three went through broke my heart. That social worker should be fired.

dottynan please read the thread properly

What a very very sad story classic you did everything you could under dreadful circumstances You love your brother and he knew you were with him I wish him and you the peace you deserve xxx

I am so sorry to read of this tragic end of life experience.
I hope you can send a copies of what you have written here to someone who needs to know.
Your MP perhaps. The newspapers? The health workers and SW dept.

Sending you and your sister strength and prayers.
You did what you could. I wish it had been different for you and him.

Classic I'm so sorry for your loss. I missed your original query so have only now read the sad outcome and my heart goes out to you and your sister for all you have been through. The care system in this country has been broken for a long time and I wonder how far we have to go before a fairer way of assessing desperate people is put in place.

I cannot believe you are having to ask on here for help. I thought we were a caring society. With all you brothers needs you should have professionals supporting. Start kicking some backsides and demand help.