Dependency

I have a neighbour who I have 'supported' for 2 years though I recently bailed out. My dilemma is: my neighbour, who is 85 is very dependent. She isn't physically infirm. She is able to walk - when she choses which is rarely, she can cook, but doesn't anymore, she can care for her home, but doesn't. And this is probably the crux of the matter: she can, but resists/refuses to do anything to help herself. S. said, right from the beginning that she wanted to be cared for 24/7 and she pretty much has that.

Unfortunately, as lovely as they can be, shortage of time means that the carers do everything for S because it's quicker & easier, and that has contributed to my issue because I think such care, well-meaning as it is, creates dependency. One or two of the carers actually said that 'the more you do for S., the more she wants you to do.

S. had a couple of falls, one requiring hospitalisation though no injuries were ever found. I think her mind 'splits off' so that she can actually 'believe' that she has an injury when she doesn't. I think this is probably a psychiatric condition.

Her main issue is anxiety/depression controlled with medication. It took a few months but eventually the meds stabilised her mood. Unfortunately, although she has received psychiatric management she seems never to have been taught how to self-manage her anxiety, though it may be that she is, as with many things, resistive to doing anything that might help her.

I am 76 and have fibromyalgia & dysthymia & anxiety, and having suffered these since childhood, recognise how intrusive such conditions can be. I often sleep poorly and constantly being 'on call' as it were, made that worse. I suppose the up and the all of it is that I resent supporting someone who can do most things for herself, and that makes me feel enormously guilty because I think I should have continued to support her. In truth, this lady is only happy when surrounded by people. She went to a Day Centre 3 times a week and loved it.

And now I feel selfish for blogging this.