Compensation for Mum's care

cheryl55 you have my admiration for providing loving care for your Mum. You cared for her and kept her safe for the last 2 years of her life and money couldn’t buy it.
But if your sisters are keen for you to have a larger share of the estate I would leave them to work it out between them. They shouldn’t put you in that position.

Maybe you should ask for the same as your sister then? You have actually done a lot more than part time support but I think I'd find it really hard to do the "nursing home" maths!

If your siblings think you should have something financially "extra" from your mum's estate I think that's ok. If you take too little you maybe will feel it was unfair at some point down the line when you are distanced from your loss. On the other hand, if you ask for a lot, perhaps you will feel you are "profiteering" from someone you loved.

I would think carefully about this and maybe discuss the issue more with the sister you are closer to. You may find they already have a figure in mind - and of course small sums can seem a lot from a small estate.

No, Cheryl, lots of us here know that when someone you love dies after a protracted illness, it is often a relief.

Thanks for the replies, they really are helping me to see things more clearly. Yes, there was definitely a sense of duty to my lovely Mum. She had really helped me in so many ways when our sons were younger.
Yes, if Mum had gone into a care home it would have cost a lot of money. A friend of mine (who is very "money-driven") said to me the other day that in my position, she'd find out how much a care home would have been and charge a bit less.

She even came up with a daily rate of £150. For looking after my own Mum in my home! So, over £100,000 for 2 years. I was speechless. I told her I was glad her parents are no longer around to need her help.

NotSpaghetti

Firstly, I am sorry that your mother has died and hope it was a relief rather than a shock.

I'm not sure I can help though as I don't understand why your sisters want to pay you? Were you expecting to be paid?

Thank you for your kind words. Is it awful to admit that it was a relief?

The question of "pay" arose when it became clear that Mum could no longer live alone- she was widowed some years ago. My sisters- one said she'd have to give up her p/t job, so would want to be compensated for her loss of earnings- about £10k a year, from memory. The other sister wasn't working at the time, she's a bit hard to talk to these days- long story!
Thank you for the reply.

It’s nice to be asked if you want to claim any expenses, as you have said it was short term and relatively little intrusion. I feel that a small token amount per month is fair, or just say that you were happy to care for her and leave it at that.

Don’t try to relate it to care home fees, that would probably cause trouble.

Why don't you discuss it with your sisters? They may feel that they want to compensate you for your extra efforts.

If your mother was in a care home it would have been quite costly, but of course you did it for love and duty, not compensation. However you did save the estate quite a bit, and so your sisters may feel they would like to help cover costs.

I should have said, I assume they are giving you some money as they think it would have cost a lot to have Mum in a home.

Perhaps you could ask your sisters what they feel would be a reasonable amount to give you for caring for your mum the last 2 years?

I’m sure it didn’t cost you much in money terms, i.e. the food she ate and so on, but it was you who had the responsibility of it all.

You say your sisters offered to have her, but it was you who actually bit the bullet and did it.

Firstly, I am sorry that your mother has died and hope it was a relief rather than a shock.

I'm not sure I can help though as I don't understand why your sisters want to pay you? Were you expecting to be paid?