My dad and his wife are in their late 70s. They haven't been married very long (less than 10 years) but were enjoying life, getting out with dad driving and holidaying etc.
During covid dad was diagnosed with cancer, it is now terminal, he has in last few months also lost his sight and is now in a wheelchair. So their life style has completely changed.
The problem is they are not coping as a couple, arguing all the time. He feels helpless and obviously unable to do much and missing former life but his wife is trying to carry on as normal (she never stops sometimes I am exhausted just being around her!).
I like his wife, but I think she needs a carers assessment , they need help, she can't manage his needs alone. I live nearest of all family, about 30 miles away, but I don't drive, so its a nearly 2 hour trip each way on buses and trains, and I am already carer for my autistic adult children. All other children are either estranged/busy running businesses and living many hundreds of miles away.
My problem is I can't convince her she needs support or dad needs extra support that would release pressure from her shoulders. She is very anti anyone coming into their house and knowing their business. Its very strange because she hasn't spoken to anyone about dads condition, not even hospital about his treatment, prognosis etc. I understood she could go to appointments during covid but she doesn't seem to want to know anything, as if not knowing means it might all go away.
They argue, shouting , screaming and swearing, daily, which is out of character for both of them. I understand this is caused by the stress they are under and the coming to terms with life not being as they planned.
But in next few weeks and months things are only going to get more intense as dads health continues to worsen and more support needs to be in place.
Any suggestions of what I can do , who I can speak to?
In light of our current weather.......