What to ask for in care plan

Normal requests would be cleaning, personal care and meal preparation, as your mother does not want any of that then there is little else they can do apart from giving medication if needed.

Hi. My mum is the same has carers 4 times a day and complains about them all the time. She was in hospital two years ago and they wouldn’t let her come home unless she agreed to carers. She has a few medical conditions and poor mobility.
My mum lets them help with showering, but they don’t go in the bathroom with her their just there in case their needed or if she falls. They empty her commode, she uses it during the night. wash up, and ask if there’s anything else she needs. She always says no thank you but then moans they don’t do anything ! They would do her
shopping if needed but I do that anyway. The thing is you never know what’s coming next, my mum is up and down all the time, and sometimes is glad their coming to make her a cup of tea although she’d never admit it.

it depends on her care needs, but if she won't let them do eg personal care, then presumably she can do that unaided.
so why is she having careworkers ?
is she paying privately for them.
wouldn't that be a waste of money.
most careworkers won't do cleaning or shopping, esp if they are from an agency.
an independent, freelancer might.
perhaps she needs supervision, if she has dementia.
will that be adequately covered by careworkers coming in, or does she need someone to live in, or be in a residential setting, where there are staff 24/7.

Would your mum respond better to a 'PA' a lot of people who are resistant to 'carers' seem happy to have a PA who help them with things. Professionally I have seen them cleaning areas like kitchen cupboards or wiping out fridges, they will iron or do laundry, one PA I know takes her cared for person out shopping in the wheelchair and they have lunch afterwards in a cafe. It gives her family a break because they know that she's well cared for and safe

Thanks everyone for comments and suggestions.
Katji in that odd way it was good to hear that my mum is not the only one - l feel for you .

Welbeck in my mums area they give you 6 weeks following a hospital in patient the idea was that my would accept help with, meals, personal care and medication, etc . We are in a no win situation she will not accept she needs the care or consider a care home , but feels she can manage the crisis at Christmas was a wake up call but as her memory is so poor she does not recall being ill

So sorry sadmum. It’s a very difficult time.My mum has the same memory problems, doesn’t remember any of her numerous hospital admissions or her three life changing falls. Maybe that’s a good thing who knows. Maybe if she gets used to them being around first, have a word with them, tell them how she feels, they’ve seen it all before. Hopefully she’ll accept them slowly. How much do you do ? Eventually you may be able to delegate some of it to them 🤞

My mum was the same. She fell and broke her hip and while she was in hospital my dad needed to go in for a small procedure. When he was in they found he was very unclean so kept him in until they could get carers in place.

When my mum came home the carers were coming in twice a day. At first she would not let them do any personal care but they could cook the meal ( ready meals from M&S) and wash up. They changed the beds etc. As she got to know them she allowed them to do more and more.
They helped my dad get dressed and undressed and washed him.

We paid for the carers as my parents owned their home so we could choose the care agency. Eventually my dad said they weren’t managing and asked me to find a home. In the home my mum allowed the carers to manage all her care.

The care plan is decided after an assessment by social services. Suggest you contact your mums care manager to discuss and try to attend the assessment.

Social services will only be involved in care planning if they are financing the care. The care provider will send an assessor out to see you and your mother, these jobs are done by people with a lot of experience and training and she will help you both devise a support plan that will work for you, once your mother gets to know the new carers she will probably become more cooperative, most people find accepting care difficult but carers often gain a real rapport which helps. I was a care manager for a local charity prior to my retirement.

i think the 6 weeks after hosp is a kind of standard package.
it is paid by the nhs not local authority as far as i know.
if she needs ongoing care after that, she will have to fund it herself, or go through financial assessment with l.a.,
but if she doesn't want care, unless lacking capacity to make that decision, it seems a bit of an academic question.
one step at a time.

Welbeck , thank you for your comments . Mum has dementia with variable capacity , in her “ lucid “ moments she understands that she needs help and carers however at other times she is totally resistant.

My original question was raised as l am unsure as to what is considered normal caring in these circumstances.

Part of the problem for my mum was the word 'carer'.
My aunt, her sister, called the carers her 'nurses' and mum immediately accepted that, calling them 'district nurses' and became more likely to co-operate.
This title seemed comforting to her.
She was happier being called Mrs rather than by her Christian name too.
Little things that seem to matter to her age group, could you try discussing this with the agency.

Sorry I didn't really answer your question did I?

Normally care is personal care, washing dressing etc. Housework and shopping isn’t, or wasn’t, part of domiciliary care. You really need to discuss this with the provider or the care manager from social services. They will be able to assess your mums need. I hope things work out fir you both.

As a lot of Gransnetters know I am 99. I have severe osteoarthritis in every joint especially knees and am in continual great pain. I have help for about an hour daily. She cleans, washes up (I leave it all to her), makes bed, empties commode, helps me wash etc. She lives in the next street and is on the end of phone if I need her. Sundays and if she cannot come I have another helper who will do the same tasks. I do pay well.
I have been independent since my husband died thirty four years ago.
After an operation six years ago the NHS put me in a care home for rehabilitation for two weeks and I don’t know if it was because I was NHS but I certainly didn’t have care. In fact neglect.
So I and my helps are determined that I will not go into a care home.

My mum was also poorly over Christmas and refused to go into hospital. I have been living with her while she recovered but now have carers coming in 4 days a week for an hour each time.

We are funding this.
They will do anything and everything except cut nails or apply creams.
Usually they either supervise a shower, just making sure mum doesn't slip and then drying her hair or clean through the flat and change bedding.
She is getting stronger and soon they will go to the local shops with her, again to ensure she doesn't fall and to carry things.

Mum was very resistant to the idea, and still is. What won the day was finding carers who also look after some of her friends. It was the same with applying for Attendance Allowance - very resistant until I could say 'Jane has this and so does John.' It's almost as though she is joining some sort of 'club' and that makes it OK-ish.

I have found the agency really helpful in suggesting things they could do to help and the women who come are very kind, chatty while getting things done far more efficiently than I do.
Good luck.

So sorry to hear about your osteoarthritis pain Bijou that must be very hard to live with. Glad your helpers are supporting you.
Best wishes

Bijou horrible to be in pain but it sounds like you are being well looked after.
I think your 100th birthday is coming up in spring. Do you have any plans for a celebration 🎊 🎉 ?
Best wishes and take care

ExDancer , oh thank you for your comment - most helpful , l do think she objects to the term carer

Lol Sadmum I think I would find the title 'carer' hard to cope with too (I'm 84) it makes you feel so inferior and feeble somehow. I wish I could come up with a better word.
At 95 your Mum has lived through a war and many economic recessions and was probably once a strong independent woman. It's difficult to swallow the fact that one can no longer cope, and we fight it.
The title Nurse also gives the carer a little bit extra authority which can be useful.
This will probably not help you, but Mum needed some intimate care too (which the actual nurse from the surgery dealt with) as she had become very dry 'down below' - to the point where she became very very sore (poor Mum, just imagine) and needed pessaries.
That kind of help may be worth mentioning in your care plan, also Mum had shrunk in height and couldn't reach the top shelf in her medicine cupboard and needed it re-arranging more sensibly. She also need help with cleaning her false teeth, her breath stank. Toe and finger nails were another problem. How does she cope with hair washing?
Does she need another eye test so she can read more easily?

Ex dancer , mums medication is delivered weekly by blister packs and given to her by carers ( when she agrees to take it )

She is under clinic for her eyes has Glaucoma so her eyesight is not brilliant.

We take her to hairdressers when she wants , been going to same hairdresser for over 20 years so very used to her.

We do understand that she is fiercely independent and to take any type of help goes against the grain.

She was furious with me the other day when l did some tidying up although l explained it was to help and save her doing it as she struggled to see the stains etc to no avail.

We understand the fluctuations in her mood are down to the advancing dementia, it is so hard to know what to do for the best

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