MiL wants to go to care home. We don’t think she’s ready.

there are some care villages now which offer a range of care. I doubt she'll get state funding though if that is needed and they are soooo expensive. I think people loose cognitive and physical skills the less they do so I think you're right to discourage her. Maybe some sort of day care provision would help though? then maybe she could invite people to see her.

Will the nice home allow for a 2 week respite to see if she wants to go and live there permanently.

'she’s adamant that she wants to go to a care home'

so that is her choice entirely, and to be 100% respected, surely.

What a sensible lady! It sounds like she realises she is getting less able and wants to make the move now rather than when she has no option and would feel less able to cope with the change. My dad's carehome was wonderful with lots of different clubs and he could use the resident's kitchen to make drinks etc . If she has little social interaction now who is she having serious discussions about books etc with ? If she has particular friends she likes chatting with they will able to visit her in the carehome or there is no reason why she couldn't get a taxi to take her out to visit people

A retirement village with her own accommodation and social activities if she want to join in may be the compromise your Mother in Law needs.

I think a trial of a couple of weeks would be a good idea and I think your MiL deserves to be treated as if she knows what she wants. It would be disrespectful not to do her that justice.

Sounds like your mother in law is eminently capable of making her own decisions cloudscape.

There are other options that provide self contained accommodation in small flats but with care on the premises in case of need. It allows for social mixing in safety.
In this area think it’s Extra care, sheltered housing may no longer have wardens so need to check.
A couple of days in day care could be an option people are picked up and taken home after a day of activity and lunch in the company of others.
It’s a big step from
Independent living to a care home.

By us there are places that are like hotel complexes with a variety of different housing, care on site if needed but there are also a couple of restaurants, communal meeting places, lots going on, a cinema. I wouldn;t mind living there myself!

See if she can spend a month in a suitable one then she can decide if that's for her?

Is there any kind of supported housing nearby that might be suitable?

I moved at 66 into a small retirement complex.

Own flat. Lunch included in the rent, for companionship and nutrition.

Not mùch in the way of organized activities (thank goodness) but plenty of opportunity for social interaction.

Maybe she wants to make the decision herself and not land you with all the decisions? This way she would be able to choose for herself - go and see a few before making a decision. Moving to sheltered accommodation may be better just now but if she did need care in the future she would have to move again?

A lot of care homes allow potential residents to go for a day, have lunch etc to get an idea what it would be like to be there full time. We did this one a day a week for several weeks with my step dad.

It might be an idea to look into this so your m.i.l. will at least have some idea what life could be like. I understand your concerns cloudscape but perhaps she isn't coping as well as she appears to be.