Whether to remove husband from nursing home.

My gut instict - leave things as they are...

Nope! This is grass is greener on the other side syndrome

*posted too soon

but I honestly think it sounds as if he is in the right place where he is.

Her husband is in favour BB

I’ve got to agree with Kate54 a lot can happen in quite a short time with some conditions and your DH could end up back in residential care - possibly 200 miles away. I’d definitely be seeking some consultations with his existing medical team. A friend and her sister were actually over ruled by the medical team over the care of their mother who had vascular dementia. Has your nephew visited his Uncle recently - does he appreciate the level of care necessary?
I can see quite a few issues cropping up down the line. It’s a very big responsibility for your nephew and his wife to take on (and perhaps unfair on their children) your DH, with the more immediate family so far away.
As an aside - altering homes to accommodate disabilities can be a considerable expense - is your nephew financing this, or are you? Is the plan just for your nephew’s wife to be employed as his full time carer - at the going rate?? What about their holidays or times when they are away from home - will professionals move in, or would you be expected to step in? I hate to add that should your DH die there, have they added to the value of their property at your expense?
You have a lot to consider.

It is really onerous and exhausting doing a regular trip of 200 miles, as I used to do to see my mother in a home and that was 20 years ago.. You'll probably reach a point where it becomes too much for you.. at the moment you can easily visit and if he becomes much more unwell you can do more regular shorter visits with ease.. I would really let hime stay where he is known and understood..

Would you even get carers going in to your nephew's annexe? What happens if there's an emergency? If your husband becomes suddenly very ill, how quickly could you get there? This is a particularly nasty form of dementia and your husband has company in his care home. Who would keep him company in the annexe? I really don't think that this move benefits anyone.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, your husband is no age at all.

I can see so many pitfalls in your proposition, though. Moving someone in poor health can lead to a deterioration in their condition, because it will be a challenge however keen he is to move.

Will you pay the partner for the care? What would happen in the unfortunate circumstance of the nephew and partner splitting up? The children need to come first, how will they deal with conflicting priorities? Can the family be on call 24/7 as a care home will be?

Do all these relatives want to work from home in the nephew’s house? If they’re working, they’re working and not available for care or company.

200 miles is quite a distance for a weekly trip. It’s okay in August, how will be be in January? I wouldn’t want to swap weekly short visits with grandchildren for one long visit, when they’re likely to get bored and fed up.

I hope you can make the decision that’s right for everyone. Good luck.

You need to be aware of how this disease will progress because my experience was that full time professional care became essential. Your husband is content where he is and the nursing home knows him and understands him. I can’t see what advantage there could possibly be in moving him, especially as you can see him often and for short visits - much better for him and easier for you. The familiar is so important for your husband now.

I would say don't do it. Your husband is settled, you are settled, and it's too far away.

Let the nephew come and visit and do the travelling as he is obviously young and fit, plus any other family members who wish to visit.

What does your husband want to do?

I think 200 miles away is possibly too far . It may work now but looking ahead, could the journey get too much for you?
Also, is everyone involved aware of how this cruel disease will progress? The proposal may seem feasible now but down the line…..
Personally, I would consult your OH’s medical professional for advice.