Whether to remove husband from nursing home.

Thank you for the update. It can't have been easy but I feel you all have made the right decision

I'm glad you have come to a decision, Dilemma and I'm sure it is the right one for all of you, especially your husband.

Dilemma The positive from this whole situation is that dh will get more trips out with more help and your nephew’s kind offer got everyone thinking about quality of life for dh.

A good decision, Dilemma. Sleep well.

SuzieHi

Such a difficult time for you all. Good to hear your husband is staying near, and you have come up with strategies to improve his day to day life.

I agree with SuzieHi the best decision all round.
Relax and stop worrying now Dilemma

Such a difficult time for you all. Good to hear your husband is staying near, and you have come up with strategies to improve his day to day life.

Thank you for keeping us updated. That is a very important decision sorted with a few tweaks to make your DH's life more bearable.
I personally think it is the correct decision for both of you and as somebody said, involve others so he can get out and about more, while he can.

Sleep well.

Never easy decisions - but I am sure you have made the right one.

Thank you for your reply and hope you can now enjoy some peace. Good that your children are involving themselves with you in your husband's care.

Correction- should have said "glad you will get a good night's sleep!
🛌😴💤

Glad you got a good night's sleep!
Decision making is hard.
I think you now should "book in" some outings so your husband has them to look forward to!

Maybe your nephew (and family) would like to join you on one of them?

So glad you have reached a unanimous decision. Thanks for updating us. I hope you sleep well tonight.

It must be a relief to have a decision made, Dilemma especially with everyone on board.

Thanks from me too. It seems your husband’s quality of life will be greatly enhanced with the trips and Sky, and it will be so much easier for you as well as knowing he has good professional care.💐

Thanks for the update!

Family meeting has now taken place - just my son, daughter & myself. Neither "child" nor myself (after a lot of soul searching) in favour of moving their Dad for many of the reasons expressed here so he will be staying in his care home. We will try to arrange more outings with my husband - to the pub or nearby parks and historic monuments which he will enjoy. These may involve local trains or buses (do-able with two people to help) or wheelchair taxis.
My son is also going to sort Sky tv for his Dad to increase his access to sport on tv, especially football & the cricket World Cup.
I still need to tell my nephew our decision - phone call tonight after the baby is asleep. Then I hope to get my first decent night's sleep for a fortnight.
Thank you all for your responses.

25Avalon

Dh is in a nursing home and I am wondering if they have any activities or entertainments for the residents,. It may be very professionally run but is the atmosphere perhaps a little sterile? Perhaps this is not the right nursing home for dh, and if so you might want to consider a different nursing home and perhaps closer to you again. That is another option.

Often people with dementia do say they want to go home even where that is not practical or possible.

The Bodach constantly wanted to go home, often getting up and dressed in the night. He was usually pacified by telling him we would go in the morning.
Developments such as this could be very demanding on a family, especially with young children

Georgesgran, I agree wholeheartedly with your post.

I cannot image why anyone would wish to send their severely ill husband two hundred miles away to live in a converted garage dependent on the care and support of 'an 'experienced carer' and relatives who work from home therefore can pop in, (really?) when said husband is in an excellent nursing home with 24 hour care and qualified medical staff in attendance, plus daily visits from his wife.

As for a 400 mile round trip every weekend, when the husband will be asleep much of the time, again, totally impractical. I drove 370 miles round trips for ten years to visit my parents sometimes twice a month but more frequently once, and it was exhausting with a full time job and two teenagers. It was a relief in their later years to know at least they were safe, warm and medically cared for in an excellent Nursing Home.
Of course, it took all their money.
Is this an issue?

aggie my aunt was like that when she first moved into a nursing home but in time used to say she wanted to go home "by Christmas" or "when it's warmer" or "when I get some new boots" or similar.
If I'd asked her if she wanted to come and live with me I'm pretty sure she would have said yes though.

Is your husband regularly raising the subject of the (possible) move?

Are your adult children aware of the subject of the family meeting arranged for the weekend?

I assume you won't have your nephew there at the time and that by "family" you mean you and your adult children?

My poor husband kept asking to go home , even though he was sitting in the living room , I used to wheel his chair out of the room accross the hall to his bedroom , or vice Verda if we were in the bedroom , it sometimes settled him

Dh is in a nursing home and I am wondering if they have any activities or entertainments for the residents,. It may be very professionally run but is the atmosphere perhaps a little sterile? Perhaps this is not the right nursing home for dh, and if so you might want to consider a different nursing home and perhaps closer to you again. That is another option.

Often people with dementia do say they want to go home even where that is not practical or possible.

I have read all replies and my mind is not made up (or I wouldn't have asked for opinions in the first place). I have LPA (set up during Covid) but always consult our two children over major decisions like this and we will all abide by a majority decision if we cannot agree.
My revisits have been to clarify misconceptions in some replies.

How could you even contemplate a 200 mile journey in order to visit him! I take it that it’s a round trip of 400 miles there and back. It just doesn’t add up you say you’d stay behind to help out with school runs, but you wouldn’t have any time for that with all the travel.

Ali23

This was a reply to Daddima… sorry it didn’t include the quote.

Thanks for replying. I just felt that saying it became as severe as you said ‘99% of the time’ might have been alarming for some people living with a Lewy bodies diagnosis. It is indeed a horrible illness.

I posted much earlier on this thread, but now think the OP is already convinced that the move will be a good one and is looking for validation. Every time a raft of posts advising again the move appears, she posts a counter-argument.
At the end of the day, it’s her choice (as her DH will soon be unable to make any decisions) and rests between her God and her conscience. Perhaps she might appear years hence, asking for more input over an impossible situation.

Sorry to say, but I think the OP is ‘flogging a dead horse now’.