Mum sleeping too long

Hi maddyone. I remember your struggles with your mum.Hope your doing well. Your mum sounds very similar to mine in that she’s no interest in much apart from us, her family, it’s just difficult trying to be six people when there’s only one. My AC like everyone else’s are very busy with their own DC they visit when they can.
I’m hoping 🤞 she doesn’t need to go into care, but we’ll see. I understand your guilt, to be honest it’s the worst bit. I can’t take mum out now, as her bp is very unstable and she’s always dizzy, she refuses a wheelchair, but then gets very cross because she can’t go out.
At least now she’s asleep all day, that’ll become less of a problem.

My grandmother was in her 90s when she died and did sleep a lot towards the end. When she was awake she was alert as ever for about an hour. After that she began to drift again and doze in her chair. As another poster upthread has mentioned she had lost her mobility and could not longer do many of the things which gave her pleasure. My gran was well aware of her body gradually shutting down and even wished for "The Lord to take me in my sleep" one night. We all knew what was happening but it is still very sad to see a much loved person gradually fading. As other posters have said it is best to accept the inevitable and allow her to do as she wishes.

BlueBelle

Let her do what’s right for her she’s a very good age and maybe it’s natures way I d let it be as she is comfortable

Absolutely agree with BlueBelle.
My mother did this. She was a little older, but she gradually wound down over years.
Eventually, after she went into her care home for the last year of her life, she almost stopped. Ate almost nothing, little interest in life, lost a lot of weight, but she still enjoyed visits from us. It was desperately sad because she had always enjoyed being picked up,and taken out, or to our house, but after she went into the care home, it was too difficult to take her out. I feel very guilty about that. So yes, I think your mother is gradually winding down.

Has she had an overnight sleep monitor test? If her oxygen levels are low or sleep is frequently interrupted, by apnoea, she will feel very tired. She may also be dehydrated. If she's had checks, though, yes, it's probably winding down.

Don't worry. In her final years my Mum didn't know night from day. As others have said, the body is winding down. Let her eat and drink when she wants. Long sleeps may end with her drifting away peacefully as happened with my own Mum. Everything was calm and it was a good end to a very long life. Definitely treasure each moment.

I know someone who is 91. In a bit of pain but otherwise fine.
I worked out the other day she regularly sleeps 14 and 1/2 hours per day.

I don't want to upset you , but I think that this is entirely normal towards the end of life .
Like BlueBell -
I hope that she just drifts peacefully away without any pain .

Treasure each moment .

God bless both of you .

Yes I’d never thought about it like that Oldnproud I suppose the days would be very long if she was up early. She still watches tv of an evening, and gets one or two phone calls.
Thank you all. I feel as if I’m starting to accept that this is the way it has to be, and not to try and fight it.

My own mum is in her nineties. If she was happy to sleep away the day now, I don't think I would interfere.
Unable to do most of the things that used to give her pleasure, she already finds many days 'too long', so sleeping so much of the time could be a blessed relief..

Wonderful way to go Katyj
Enjoy what time you have with her

My elderly friend who is 90 is sleeping more than ever in her chair with food left untouched like sandwich and snacks carers left. It’s the body winding down she has vascular dementia it’s sad she wakes up and I make her cup of tea and cake then after a while she just wants to sleep

Thank you ladies. She goes to bed about 11pm Once she’s up she doesn’t sleep again, as far as I’m aware. I’ll watch out for sundowning thanks.
I think I’m just going to have to go with it and not try and change her, don’t think it’s possible now anyway. I’ve just said to DH this evening I think she’ll just sleep her days away now until she passes, hopefully peacefully ❤️

I personally think it sounds as if her body is just winding down and what a lovely way to go when you ve had a long life just drifting off for longer and longer periods
It may be frustrating for you but it’s obviously how she wants it so don’t fight it she can’t live for ever and if she’s content and happy with things as they are let it be

Then she's probably depressed and has vascular dementia. My mum refuses her anti depressants and sleeps most of the time. She's 89 and has small vessel disease,a forerunner of vascular dementia. I'm sorry*Katy*. It's quite difficult for you.

What time does she go to bed at night?

My Mum was a great sleeper. In her 90s she would get up about 7 am. Lunch at 12 and back in bed for 1pm and maybe sleep until 4. She hated sleeping in chairs so always went to bed.

She would go to bed about 8pm. So she slept around 14 hours a day. A few years later she was sleeping even more.

There is such a thing as “sundowning” where people with dementia start falling asleep much earlier in winter when the sun goes down.

Yes she doesn’t seem bothered. When I rang today, I said it was a shame she’d missed the sun today, she thought it was lunch time and she still might sit outside.
The trouble is I like to fix things for her if I possibly can, but maybe this is how it is and I’ll just have to go along with it.
It’s going to be difficult for me now though as I pick the Grandchildren up from school so I won’t be able to visit until after 6pm and I’m not keen on driving in the dark.
She won’t go into sheltered accommodation or a care home unfortunately. It’s all really frustrating.
I’m an only one and non of my friends have elderly parents. Thank goodness for Gransnet.

Towards the end last few years…my father slept for at least 18 hours often more…would wake for food but often forgot he was eating and went back to sleep. He had dementia for over 10 years…

I'm sorry this is happening Katyj - is she comfortable with things as they are?

Grandmabatty. It could well be depression the hospital discontinued her anti depressants after her last heart attack 18 months ago. Apparently they could make her heart condition worse.
I don’t think she’d take them again now anyway. It’s difficult to know what to do for the best.

Let her do what’s right for her she’s a very good age and maybe it’s natures way I d let it be as she is comfortable

There are various nourishing drinks (like Fortisip and similar brands) that are often recommended for the elderly and convalescents. Perhaps the carers could persuade her to have one of those as well as or instead of her 1pm cup of tea. She might then feel less dizzy when she does get up.

Hi. Maybe it is winding down, and it doesn’t seem to worry her either. She says she doesn’t sleep well, and is awake through the night.
Ive tried to explain that she’s going too long without food, the carers make her a cup of tea about 1pm but she won’t have anything to eat and just goes back to sleep again. She’s only managing cornflakes , then a salad sandwich about 8pm.

My MiL had Vascular Dementia we reckoned she slept at least 23 hrs a day in the end . She completely closed down, she was 94 yrs.

I'd want to know how much she's eating.
Breakfast at 5 is odd - but does she then have lunch and dinner later too?

Maybe depression? Does she sleep all night too? If she's not eating til then, she will feel dizzy and sick.