Husband home with carers 4 times a day. Any tips and hints?

elsie you are in for a tough and sad time and I send you all sympathy.

First of all, congratulate yourself that you are looking after your husband at home, which, I imagine, is where he really wants to be.
Ask friends, adult children and neighbours for help and company. They will be glad to do what they can.
Make sure you eat enough yourself, especially if you are having to feed your husband.
Accept the hoist and commode. Things can change in that department if husband becomes completely bedridden - or if, as you hope, he regains some strength.
Finally, if it really became too much, you would have to think about residential care. Don't feel bad about it. You would be able to visit all the time.
And keep telling him how much you love him.

Good advice from Romola about feeding yourself Elsie.

If friends and neighbours offer help TAKE IT! it could be fetching shopping, sitting with him for a while so you can get out, moving stuff for you, collecting prescriptions etc.

I would also look into things like Attendance Allowance so you will have a bit more money coming in so you could pay for a cleaner or carer.

I recommend a site called Carers UK. They have help and advice at the end of the line, on the internet and also a forum for people in a similar position as yourself.

I can't offer any useful advice, but I really wanted to send you a hug and my kindest thoughts.

That’s really hard elsie. My thoughts are based on the experience of neighbours. To sum up its please don’t neglect yourself, if you have physical or emotional needs then please seek medical advice without delay. As has been said accept every offer of help. Anyone offering to sit with your husband is worth their weight in gold. Think about a cleaner if you can fund one. Take every opportunity to reduce your own workload. Lastly take time to just ‘be’ with your husband. It’s all to easy to become a carer not a wife.

It will take time for a routine to settle. I admire you for trying to care for your husband. As has been said if as time goes on your husband needs more care than it’s possible for him to have at home there’s no shame in taking the brave step to look at residential care. You’re important too.

Gosh Elsie, thats an awful lot to cope with. Sadly I've been on both sides of the fence with this. Care work is demanding and they are working against the clock. If you can find it within yourself to work with them , it may help.

My goodness you have a lot on your plate. As an ex home carer I fully understand your situation. It must be very difficult for you but I think you’re doing well under the circumstances. I do hope your husband feels better soon.

As you say all this stuff that accompanies this situation you are in with your husband. Hopefully things will settle in time but do take a day at a time and accept all the carers help and advice. Carers can be a lifeline to you. When they come in let them do all the physical side of caring for your husband, even taking a short walk outside, while they are in your house. It is hard to think how have I reached this time of my life. TAKE CARE.

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this position, Elsie I agree with what all the other posters have wrote. I would just like to add that it's best to make sure that hubby has a good fluid intake as this can often lead to confusion,especially amongst the elderly. All the best.
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It sounds as though you now have your upstairs to yourself. I wonder if you could make one of the rooms into a beautiful retreat room for yourself to sit in and relax whenyour husband is sleeping or having care. I can imagine how difficult it must be to have your home overtaken with these necessary aids.. also maybe have a really relaxing high backed chair by your husband's so you can enjoy sitting with him. Try to give yourself really nice treats like lovely bubble baths, good food and make sure you get fresh air every day. It is so important to keep healthy and in good spitits as this may be a very challenging time. Your husband is very lucky to have you...

Thank you so much, everybody for your good and caring advice. I'm in tears now at you all being so caring and lovely.

Sometimes it's good to have a sob. Keep talking to your husband, massage his hands, encourage him to move, even a little bit, do silly exercises together. Even if communication is hard it will only improve with practice. If he wears hearing aids make sure he uses them. If he wears glasses make sure they are clean. Can you clear a kitchen cupboard for the carers paraphernalia, or a storage box/boxes in the living room.
You don't need to be up to greet the carers so let them get husband ready whilst you lie in with a cuppa.
Don't lose your sense of humour.
All my very best.

Agree with other posters, but look after yourself too. If you try to do much for DH, they could possibly reduce the amount of support (happened to my chums Mum) let them do their job.
The home carer needs looking after as well , it a huge amount of emotional work for you.
Best wishes to you both.

Oh elsie a good howl now and again releases anxiety and tension temporarily. I know this much. Then blow your nose, take a deep breath and pin a smile on your face for your darling man. You will feel cheated and scared. You just want someone to ‘take it all away’. But it is what it is. Your strength is within you. All the best from me.
x

My advice would be to check with AgeUk for advice on benefits etc, take time for yourself and accept any and every offer of help.

Such good advice on here. I can remember how overwhelming it was when DH came home from hospital and the carers and district nurses came in. The hospital bed and reclining chair took up so much space. I slept in a separate bed in there too. There was a bath lift but we only used it once.
DS fixed us up with a smart TV so we could watch all his favourite films.
All I can say is that it was much better than hospital and the care he had was excellent. For us it only lasted a few weeks until he died .
Wishing you all the best at this difficult time.

First step would be to apply for Attendance Allowance. I got the higher rate right from the start - the qualifying aspect was DH needed attendance through the night with toiletting. If you are not confident with form filling I believe Age Uk or even one of the carers will help. It made such a difference to us - first thing I did was buy a lightweight wheelchair as the one issued by NHS was very heavy and I really struggled to get it in the car. It made such a difference to DH to know that I could get help when I needed it. You will get a lot of good advice on the Gransnet site as so many of us have been in similar situations. Please do look after yourself and get as much help as you can. I would add that nobody checks what you spend the allowance on and I'm not sure whether that is a good thing or a bad thing but it can make such a difference at the time.

www.playlistforlife.org.uk/

Have a look at this. They have had great success with confusion, and it could help with time spent with your husband, when you could listen together to music which means something to you both.

Please look after yourself too, and when, as so often happens, friends say ‘ don’t hesitate to ask’, or ‘ you know where we are’, try to ask them what exactly they could offer to do, however small.

OldFrill suggested you should keep your sense of humour, I agree and would add try to keep your temper! If you can try and get out of your house even for a five minute walk around the block …do it! It will help your sanity and temper. Very good luck to you both.

Elsie when my DH came home from hospital after his second stay recently (we aren’t having careers only DN) I found for the first few days we weren’t “ourselves”. He was geared up to hospital care and I wasn’t myself either. We were busy working out how we were going to manage. Our humour and fun seemed missing. DH wasn’t confused but wasn’t himself either.
Our situation isn’t like yours but I just wanted to say it took us a few days (maybe a week) of him being home before we started to get back to being us. I wish you both well and hope things improve for you soon.

Oh Elsie how overwhelming. The suggestion of making a ‘retreat’ for yourself upstairs is a good one.
As for storing the ‘stuff’ required for caring purposes, could you perhaps put it all together in one corner and cover it with a large curtain from a charity shop, so that the rest of the kitchen seems like your own territory?
Get plenty of rest.

Huge hug to you and I say with warmth, "be proud". You're doing absolutely amazing, hold that head high. There will be a moment of upset at this huge change in your life, all the equipment needed for your dear husband. Be proud of how you are lovingly caring for him. In time things will settle and it will all become normal and the carers will become a positive in your life, as for the carers ringing the bell and not using the key safe, i can only put my own experience here, when i was a carer I felt rude and intrusive using the key from the key safe to enter someone's home when i knew the wife/husband/ family were inside.

Thoughts and hugs to you and remember, you are doing amazing.