Yes I thought it was a good approach and one I will copy when the time comes.
WORD ASSOCIATION - 9th May 2026
Sometimes it’s just the small things that press the bruise isn’t it? 😢
How to Keep Living at Home Longer
Mum is 86 and wants to return to driving after having an acute episode of delirium caused by a uti a few months ago, She passed a memory clinic test so wasnt diagnosed with dementia but a cognitive impairment and gp said whilst he could not tell her not drive he would advise her to think about stopping driving. She has osteoathritis in both hips, can only shuffle nor walk normally and has difficulty in lifting her feet. My concern (amongst other things) is she has memory blackouts and her difficulty in moving her feet across the pedals. Her friend, aged 88, believes she is more than capable of driving and that I am being bossy and controlling. My sibling thinks we should give her 'one more winter of driving'. I am very aware that this will take away her independence and it will make life much harder for me but but I just cant see her being safe, or others, whilst on the road. Her insurance is due and i believe i have a responsibility to inform the insurance of her memory problems and also the DVLA who I understand may order a test although I am told I am being cruel putting her through this. Am I right in being so concerned or should I just let her carry on? Thank you x
Yes I thought it was a good approach and one I will copy when the time comes.
theworriedwell
When elderly relative stopped driving she was advised to open a "transport bank account" start it off with the money for selling her car and then top it up with what she spent on petrol every month plus what she'd spend on tax, insurance, mot. That was her taxi fund, she never spent it all and she was happy that the taxis weren't really costing anything.
It's so good to hear something positive being offered. We all have to stop driving at some point but letting it shut us away from the world is a very poor exchange!
No, I am fine when driving, but absolutely not in the back of the car. My travel sickness is also very variable. Some days I am fine on quite long journeys (as a front seat passenger), other days, the 15 minute park and ride journey leaves me feeling queasy. I have met others with this same problem.
Until last year we had a house in Normandy and we travelled from Portsmouth to Ouistrehem, a 6 hour ferry journey. We usually travelled during the day arriving in the evening, so if the weather forecast was poor I would take a tablet when i got on the ferry, and although I would still be dozy coming off the ferry, the nights sleep that followed fairly soon meant I woke in the morning with a fairly clear head.
Years ago, when I was expecting DD, I had bad morning sickness. the doctor prescribed antihistamines. Fortunately it was at the weekend, when DH was home because they knocked me out completely, and I was so sleepy, I was incapable of looking after my toddler son. I had to stop taking them, and endure the sickness.
M0nica
Stugeron contains anti-histamines. Unfortunately these knock me out completely. ideal for ferry journeys, but not car journeys.
When I go to France on the ferry, which I do quite frequently, I take one Kwells, or Boots own brand. It leaves me feeling groggy for 24 hours.
You said Stugeron is ok for ferry journeys but not car journeys. Does that mean you get travel-sick even if you are actually driving? That’s unusual, I think. I am fine if I drive, no pills needed.
Kwells and any chemist’s own brand have no effect on me whatsoever! Stugeron is fine for about 12 hours and then it makes me drowsy too. It’s strange how people react so differently.
When you go to France, do you travel from Dover? Just curious, as I live just along the road from the port!
Taxi fares weighed up against the costs of running a car though still come out WAY cheaper.
Looking back since 2020 and had to go on a couple of longer round trip taxi fares that came to under £100 (to avoid any conflict with fellow bus passengers and/or driver because of Lockdown). Had to go on 4/5? round trips of £160 taxi fares to get to health appointments in a bigger town (because of no-one the standard I'm used to nearer than that). Hopefully there'll be no further Lockdowns or dearth of my usual standard health practitioners nearby and so no more long-distance taxi fares to avoid problems.
So many peoples personal circumstances will equal little/if any money having to be spent on long distance taxifares - and, even if it does, it will still equal less than basic car costs (insurance, MOT, any repairs needed, depreciation etc).
Also avoiding the hassle of the effort involved in keeping a car on the road - keeping everything up-to-date/having that MOT etc.
Stugeron contains anti-histamines. Unfortunately these knock me out completely. ideal for ferry journeys, but not car journeys.
When I go to France on the ferry, which I do quite frequently, I take one Kwells, or Boots own brand. It leaves me feeling groggy for 24 hours.
The trouble with buses if you live in a country area is that naturally they go around every village on the route to pick up passengers so it takes a long time to reach your destination.
I live in a town where you can hop on and off.
Taxis in the South East cost an arm and a leg.
Monica (and any other travel sickness sufferers).
I think I am one of the worst travellers ever! I literally cannot go for longer than 30 minutes in a car, although, funnily enough, I am never sick if I drive.
Over the years, I have tried many anti-sickness tablets but most haven’t worked on me, even one on prescription. Then I found Stugeron15! I can now be driven anywhere with no problem. I get them from my pharmacist - no need for a prescription. There is a warning on the pack about drowsiness but I haven’t had a problem with that.
Don't know how big the area is that OP lives in and the situation may vary according to size. But one plus of the pretty small size of where I am now is there is one main taxi firm (though a couple of others exist) and there is a fixed fare from one place in the town to anywhere else in the town and it's very cheap imo. It took a little bit of doing initially to "get known" by that firm - but most of their drivers now know where I live (though it's a bit tucked away and the street naming is seriously wierd) and they know my usual reason for calling them is a longer trip (ie they're earning a reasonable size fare for it) - but there's also one of those very short fixed fare trips occasionally.
Eek! at the thought of someone who'd given up driving a car then going onto some other vehicle!
Taxis - just taxis and leave it at that.....
We knew dads driving was dodgy at 70 he wanted to renew his licence so we told him to get an eye test, he had macula degeneration and couldn't see much at all, so the continued on his bike.
The OP should convince mother to buy an Electric scooter.
Wonderful news. The fact that she has given up voluntarily is the best possible outcome.
Excellent news, Happylady. What a relief that must be for you.
Yay! Result. Good to hear that. Weight off minds all round.
Thank you to all those that replied offering opinions. Thankfully Mum has agreed to give up driving voluntarily.
I have no doubts about the helpfulness of bus crew and other people, nor the usefulness of trains - once you get to the bus stop or station. But, all the above assumes the bus stop is close to your home and your final destination is close to a bus stop.
We lived in a house close to a bus stop, until the bus company decided to cut out the little detour needed, due to lack of passengers there. We were then a quarter of a mile from the bus stop. Further than DH can walk.
The same with trains, to get to our local station on public station required us first to walk the quarter mile to the bus stop to get the bus to the station.
Fine once your reached the bus stop.
We cut the Gordian knot by moving to somewhere where practically everything we need - shops, medical facilities - are within a couple of hundred yards. Today DH walked gently up to the surgery, had a blood test. Went to the cafe next door for coffee and a bacon sarnie and then had the energy to walk home, covering, in total less than the distance to the bus stop in our previous location.
keepingquiet
M0nica
keepingquiet
All elderly people are also entitled to a free bus pass- nothing to pay, not a penny.
I only use my car to go to places I can't get to on public transport...Using public transport often involves a lot of walking - to the stop from stop to destination and return. Bus times are also not always convenient and do not fit in with trains. This means that public transport is out of the question for anyone whse mobility is impaired.
There is also the question of travel sickness. I have always suffered from this, but I am at my worst on buses, especially urban buses.I don't agree. Lots of disabled people use our service- the drivers are always considerate of their needs and other passengers too.
Knowing there was a bus stop across the road was one consideration for buying my house and I haven't regretted it. It connects me to the local train station in minutes and I can get to the nearest city in 20 minutes.
I am not saying its perfect but it provides a necessary service for the more vulnerable and brings people together.
I've worked with severely disabled people and where l live now there are many quite disabled/infirm people. Many of these people are wheelchair users or use walking aids. They find the bus and train service an absolute lifeline.
M0nica
keepingquiet
All elderly people are also entitled to a free bus pass- nothing to pay, not a penny.
I only use my car to go to places I can't get to on public transport...Using public transport often involves a lot of walking - to the stop from stop to destination and return. Bus times are also not always convenient and do not fit in with trains. This means that public transport is out of the question for anyone whse mobility is impaired.
There is also the question of travel sickness. I have always suffered from this, but I am at my worst on buses, especially urban buses.
I don't agree. Lots of disabled people use our service- the drivers are always considerate of their needs and other passengers too.
Knowing there was a bus stop across the road was one consideration for buying my house and I haven't regretted it. It connects me to the local train station in minutes and I can get to the nearest city in 20 minutes.
I am not saying its perfect but it provides a necessary service for the more vulnerable and brings people together.
We have an access bus service here, a door to door dial a ride service for people with mobility issues who can’t use the normal public transport. It runs 7 days a week and you have to register before using it for the first time. A lady on our street uses it regularly for shopping and going to church. I know our neighbouring authorities also run the scheme, so assume it’s fairly widespread? It’s free to anyone with a senior bus pass.
keepingquiet
All elderly people are also entitled to a free bus pass- nothing to pay, not a penny.
I only use my car to go to places I can't get to on public transport...
Using public transport often involves a lot of walking - to the stop from stop to destination and return. Bus times are also not always convenient and do not fit in with trains. This means that public transport is out of the question for anyone whse mobility is impaired.
There is also the question of travel sickness. I have always suffered from this, but I am at my worst on buses, especially urban buses.
Not all of us can afford taxis.
I guess I am lucky having a bus stop across the road and a regular service... and it does take ages, but it used by people of all ages and is a good way of being involved in a community service and saving the planet as well as the pennies.
keepingquiet
All elderly people are also entitled to a free bus pass- nothing to pay, not a penny.
I only use my car to go to places I can't get to on public transport...
Is now officially envious of places with decent public transport again - which I've been used to myself previously.
So yep the buspass is something - but I admit to rarely using mine for one - as I get so fed-up with buses that are once an hour (and that's on a good day) and take longer for the journey (two hours to do a one hour journey !!). I can't handle that particular length journey - and just sigh resignedly and book a taxi - so that it does only take the hour it takes. Thankfully it's not one I have to do more than a few times a year. It's just a matter of odd appointments the town I live in is too small to have available as I'm used to. So I can just about handle 2 hours round trip on a car - compared to 1 hour round trip walking I've been used to. But 4 hours round trip and bus waiting time would be pushing it too far for me and I know I react....
But I do think the "taxi account" idea raised by a couple of people is a good idea - as I'm sure a few pretty long-distance taxi journeys a year can't possibly cost as much as running even the cheapest of cars. That bigger town costs me £160 for a return taxi journey - but for no more than about 4-5 round trip journeys there a year for some appointment or other there = still a lot less than running a car and a lot less frustrating than having to sit on a bus for 4 hours in total!!!
Good point, keepingquiet, and so do we.
Perhaps those of us with half decent public transport - and I do appreciate that’s not everyone - should consider using it, so that we don’t immediately think of ourselves as trapped when we don’t have use of our own car. DH and I, like you, use buses wherever possible. The local services could be better, but they probably would be if more people used them. It’s free at our age, and so much better for the environment. There’s a bit of exercise involved, and an element of social interaction (or at least there is here up North, where we all chat to strangers). We have several friends who are horrified at the very thought, and are totally dependent on their cars. Some of them even admit they hate driving.
All elderly people are also entitled to a free bus pass- nothing to pay, not a penny.
I only use my car to go to places I can't get to on public transport...
When elderly relative stopped driving she was advised to open a "transport bank account" start it off with the money for selling her car and then top it up with what she spent on petrol every month plus what she'd spend on tax, insurance, mot. That was her taxi fund, she never spent it all and she was happy that the taxis weren't really costing anything.
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »Get our top conversations, latest advice, fantastic competitions, and more, straight to your inbox. Sign up to our daily newsletter here.