What constitutes a carer?

Aside from specific care for your husband which others have addressed, your situation breaks down into two main areas really:

Firstly, to some extent your situation is no different someone living alone who has to do everything around the house. The solution is the same. You have to pay to get someone in to do the things you can’t physically do yourself. Ask neighbours, look at shop noticeboards or use your local community Facebook pages to get recommendations. If you are a proactive person and it sounds like you are, do what I do. Look out for neighbours having work done, wander along and have a chat to the contractors and get a business card. Ask the neighbours afterwards if they would recommend. Over time, most of us here have graduated to using the same gas engineer, window cleaner and tree surgeon.

Secondly, help in an emergency, and how do you find someone who'll notice if you're not around for a while?

You need to speak to neighbours just as I have done. I am a widow with no family. I had a health scare last year and it was touch and go for a while. Fortunately, I was able to call the emergency services myself and here I am still. When I was released from hospital, neighbours were very kind in asking how they could help. I am not someone who likes being fussed over so I simply asked them to look out for me until I felt I was recovered, to make sure they saw my curtains were opened in the morning, that I’d put my bins out, whether parcels were taken in, whether they saw me coming and going, on foot or in my car - all signs that I am still alive (or not).

It’s not intrusive. If they feel concern, they would send a text message, ring or knock before using the emergency keys I have set aside. My neighbours know who my solicitors (executors and POA) and to call them in the worst case scenarios.

You say you have friends albeit not living close by. Set up a regular phone system with one or more. My late neighbour and her sister (both widows) used to take turns to call one another every day at a set time in the morning just to make sure each was alright. It was when my neighbour couldn’t get an answer from her sister that she called the emergency services who found she had collapsed. Another neighbour and I used to look out for her, calling round briefly each day to make sure she was alright.

I think many people assume that everyone has someone but the truth is that there are many of us who no longer do, or not anyone close at hand. I also think we can be shy of offering help for fear of being intrusive or being seen to be suggesting that someone isn't able to cope. My mantra is to offer or to ask.

In 2021, nor long after lockdown restrictions were lifted, a neighbour threw a party for a special birthday. I was deemed moderately vulnerable at the time so I declined politely. I was wise to do so. Almost every guest caught Covid. For two weeks I did a lot of shop runs for bread and milk and walked a lot of dogs! Paying it forward in a way but that's what good neighbours do.

Do contact your local council’s social services team. They are obliged to visit you to do an assessment of your husband’s needs. They must also assess you as his carer. If financially you don’t meet the criteria for free home care they will be able to advise you of your best options. If your husband is over 65 he should certainly qualify for Attendance Allowance which should go some way towards paying for the help he needs. . Unfortunately if you are also over pension age you will not qualify for carers’ allowance. Your local Citizens Advice bureau will be happy to help you to complete the required paperwork so do pay them a visit.
There is help out there. Good luck.

www.headway.org.uk/

Try this support site for help with brain injuries. I had a very helpful conversation with them when my DH had a stroke and has since suffered with cognitive impairment. They can point you in the right direction with regard to any help or support you might need.
I think that there is also a forum where you can chat to others. I have joined a forum with the Stroke Association. Is good to talk to others about what you are going through and things that might help.
There might be groups meeting up near you where you could go with your husband and hopefully make friends. Would google this, but again a site like Headway could help.
Make sure you are registered with your GP as your husband’s carer - which is what you are - and this will be helpful if you want to try to claim Attendance Allowance. There is a lower and higher rate of AA, my DH qualifies for the higher rate because he is physically and cognitively disabled and needs help both during the day and at night. You need to be brutally honest on this form, don’t gloss over anything, spell it out in detail, and if you have any medical records/paperwork pertaining to your DHs condition send copies.
I wish you all the very best 💐

You are a carer! If you are getting a State Pension you are not able to claim Carers Allowance. If you are younger, you can. Your husband is entitled to Attendance Allowance though.

The going rate round here for a care worker through an agency (as confirmed by an older friend in the village) is £42 an hour. she needs 2 visits a day and says her money is disappearing fast so she is going to have a local, experienced person who charges £20-£25 per hour.

Someone mentioned Social Prescribers earlier. I believe they are now cutting back on these which is a great shame because we had a lady who came to the house and helped us do the Attendance Allowance forms. She was brilliant but our GP surgery no longer has her.

In my opinion a Carers Assessment is not worth the paper it’s written on.

Regarding tradesmen I would look on local sites, shop windows and ask neighbours who they recommend. Personal recommendation is always best.

You might like to try Carers UK for advice and support (on line).

Also local libraries often have groups and things which might be of some help to you.

I’m with the others, look for some practical help iro cleaners.

Also contact your local council and ask de social services older people.

Are you claiming anything financially like attendance allowance?

Are there any local support groups, either in person or online, for supporting families where one person has a brain injury?

Good luck and please do let us know how you get on

Do you need help cleaning?
What about a cleaner that will go the extra mile? Rather than carers that don’t do that much in that area, imo.
That would free up some time maybe.

I’m a first time poster! I’m a ‘carer’ for my husband who has Alzheimer’s. My surgery has been very helpful. If you ask your GP for a Social Prescriber to visit you at home they should put you in touch with the support you are looking for. Good luck it does sound like you are a Carer!

You need to get on to your local council Social Services team , they should be able to tell you what services are available in your area and what you qualify for. In my area we have care & repair who will do some work free of charge or for bigger jobs they have a list of approved people. Information should be on your local council website. It doesn't sound as if you need day to day care but more "just in case " type information. There is plenty of help out there but knowing were to find it is the problem.

You could go to the church coffee mornings though...
People there will at least help point to reputable workmen/women.

Thinking of you.