What do you wear to a funeral?

Black Black Black. I think the 'bright clothes' could be a bit of denial about death.
Black.

Wear what you feel appropriate. You wouldn't feel comfortable otherwise. Some people don't possess bright clothes; on the other hand, some people hate dark colours - each to his/her own.

Tailor it to fit the type of funeral you're going to. Bright gaudy colous are probably not appropriate, although there are some funerals where this has been requested. Dark colours, but not a sea of black I would say.

I do usually wear black I too think its a mark of respect but for younger folks who perhaps don't possess a suit or a black coat then plain dark colours are fine. I suppose if it were requested specially I would maybe wear purple or lilac instead of a 'bright' colour or maybe a colourful scarf.

I think perhaps that when it says bright colours it means not black, rather than gaudy colours. So I think what you feel comfortable in is best and I wouldn't stop going to a funeral for a friend because of the colour of my clothes. They won't know after all and the most important thing is to honour your friendship.

Unless the funeral of a very close family member when I would only wear black as its expected in my family I would probably were navy blue and always always a dress/skirt, court shoes and a formal coat not trousers. Its juts how we do things where I come from. Gentlemen always wear a lounge suit, white formal shirt and black ties. I don't encourage children in attendance at funerals either.

I tend to wear black at funerals and dress fairly formally. If asked to wear bright colours, I would have one colourful accessory, such as a scarf. Although when I think about it, I would love everyone to party like loonies at my funeral – but then again, perhaps we all need the formal ritual to mark the end of the initial grieving process. Then party at the wake. Two sets of clothes?

I've been to a few funerals where it is asked that no black be worn. One of these funerals was for an elderly 'Barbara Cartland-type lady' (I don't mean that disrespectfully). We wore light colours and no-one wore black, apart from the men whose suits were the usual type. I also went to the funeral of a lady who was a Pagan. It was the most beautiful funeral I've ever been to. She had made her wishes clear that those attending should only wear light or bright colours. The family dog, an old lurcher, also attended, wearing a posy of wild flowers in her collar. I feel that respect would be shown by following what the notice advises.
Was it not in Victorian times that the wearing of black to a funeral came into effect?

I normally wear something dark, but bright colours if requested. I am always amazed by how people dress at funerals here in France; jeans, jumpers, t-shirts, my DH and the Mayor are normally the only ones wearing ties. Having said that, the whole community turns out every time for a funeral.

I echo what annobel said: wear what you feel comfortable in and ignore "instructiions" to do this or that. There are far too many "rules". Just do what you think is right.

The last funeral I went to was my aunt's. She was a huge supporter of the Woodland Trust so I felt it appropriate to wear a very nice alpaca jumper with an autumn leaf design. She would have loved it. If anyone else objected, that was their problem and they, quite rightly, kept it to themselves.

I can't actually remember what other people wore but it certainly wasn't all black.

I would ask and respect wishes of the family.
Gave my black (funeral) coat to charity 3yrs ago.
Been to rather a lot of funerals lately.
83 yr old friend -family requested bright colours.
Last one(Nov) in Lancs.-late sisters husband-everyone in black.!
Is that a northern thing?
I found a smart poncho/wrap (charity shop)which is reversible ,black one side,camel reverse so that fits the bill whatever.

I think it's the turning up that counts!

I usually wear black.

I would agree, nanachrissy. The old gentleman's funeral that we went to last week was attended by many, all dressed in dark clothes - apart from his nephew. R had got held up at work (he drives a tipper lorry!) and rushed along to the crematorium in his mucky working clothes, determined to be there whatever happened. His old uncle would have approved most definitely!

I was always of the idea that wearing black to a funeral in this country was the socially accepted way to show respect for the departed and their family and have always worn what I felt to be appropriate for the particular occassion. I have not really seen it as a reflection of how I felt, it was more about fitting in with the wishes of those closest to the deceased. Thus to my own darling mother's funeral I simply wore something sober and smart knowing that she would have come back and haunted me if I had gone out and bought something black to wear (which is what I would have had to do). If I was attending a funeral where I knew that the family's wishes were for those attending to wear bright colours, I would do so.

The last funeral we went to was a year ago, my son`s FIL, and I wore a black skirt and cardigan with a lilac top, but a dark beige fleece jacket, because I don`t possess a dark coat. Most folk wore black, but not complete black, bits of white or pastel colours here and there in the accessories. When my FIL died, my MIL wore a tan anorak with bright coloured braid down the front, because he`d always liked her in that.

I like that, numberplease!

I agree with the idea that turning up is what's important. I suspect that the socially acceptable 'norm' of black is partly historical (think Victorian times), partly practical (poor people in the past often only had black or other dark clothes), and partly because dark/dull colours can be seen as a useful way to reflect sadness at the dear departed's death. If the funeral is seen as a celebration of the dead person's wonderful life, as they often are nowadays, there is less need to stick to the old convention of black, so people ask for not-black. They don't need to see people in black to feel sad.

Or to feel that the dead person was respected. You wouldn't go to the funeral of someone you hadn't respected.

Or you might, bagitha, if you were there to support the family and I think that goes for what one should wear if there has been a specific request.

I expect you're right, kitty, I'm just struggling to imagine myself in a situation where I was going to a funeral in those circumstances. I haven't been to many, yet. It may arise and of course I would consider people's feelings, but I do think it's possible to worry too much about these things and end up second guessing, whereas just going in respectable clothing is really all that's required.

To dance on an enemy's grave?

<shakes head in bewilderment!>

I think the roman mourning togas were black?