Being a new widow

I've been thinking of you the last few days,* Gally*, because, with my sister, I've been meandering round the byways of the East Neuk of Fife and wondering if I was close to you. I wish there was something wise or comforting I could say, but it has all been said and I join with all our friends here in sending you much love and ((((hugs)))).

Just want you to know that I too am thinking of you Gally. Just a day at a time.

What a lovely,kind man to think of doing that.

Oh Gally what a lovely discovery. My daughter had never received a letter from her husband - then the day after she learned of his death his first arrived.
As you say, bitter-sweet, but how comforting to know that he prepared for this time and thought to write.

flowerfriend you are so right. Although I was fairly au fait with our 'paperwork' we had planned to sit down in front of the computer and go through everything once we had returned from our week in Cyprus, which of course was too late. I would seriously urge everyone to get their heads around the necessary stuff to avoid what I am going through now. When in a state of distress, when every single tiny problem appears unsurmountable, and when you just feel you can't cope any more, the last thing you want to be worried about is the 'paperwork'.
This morning, when searching for J's driving licence in a drawer, I found some letters he had written to me some years ago to be read in the event of his death. Such a bitter-sweet discovery.

A word of advice to those who are not widows. Dont wait until you are one to know about THE PAPERWORK of general day-to-day life.

Gally such a positive start to Day 2. My goodness, you've some wonderful times in store. Double blessings with two new members of the family-in-waiting. ((hugs))

Good morning Gally two new babies will involve quite a lot of work, busy is good

Good morning Gally No real advice, just be kind to yourself, don't think you have to be brave all the time,remember to eat and allow yourself to be sad sometimes. I am not a widow, but have three close friends who are, don't hesitate to unburden yourself sometimes to someone close to you, that's what friends are for. How lovely about the two expected arrivals, something to look forward to. With love xxx

Just popped in to say good morning Gally. What wonderful news about the expected new arrivals! . Glad to hear you are getting the support that you need. Don't hesitate to ask as you are in the thoughts of so many.

Goodmorning gally what lovely news 2 new Gc to look forward to.

Good morning, Gally! xxxx

Good morning to you gally such lovely news about your new babies which are due,just take things slowly and take care of yourself and remember that melt downs are allowed.

Good morning Gally - you sound very positive and upbeat today. Such lovely news about the new members of your family that will arrive this year. They will come to know all about John and just how amazing their grandad was. My daughter's children only met their grandad briefly (her ex's father) but they refer to his photo which is positioned in pride of place, and he is included in their discussions about family members past and present. Have a peaceful day

Good morning Gally so lovely to hear your good news. you have something wonderful to hold onto in those bleak times.

Thank you all for your comments and advice. I managed to get through Day 1 with the help of wonderful friends and family who phoned and called-in throughout the day and evening plus, of course, all your messages. I went into melt-down at one point when faced with mounds of paperwork which up to now DD1 had been dealing with then, fortuitously, the lawyer telephoned and said he would be in next monday to 'sort me out' which was a great relief. You don't realise how the cashflow ceases straight away - it's there, but unattainable at present!! I have good news : 2 more grandchildren due this year, one in May and one in July in Sydney, so I hope to be present at both births. So sad that I can't share their arrival with John and they will never know their amazing Grandad,, but he was so happy to know that they were on their way and looking forward to their arrival. So, it's onward and upward and preparing myself to face Day 2

Thinking of you Gally

There is nothing more that I can add to all these previous wise posts Gally - I just needed to let you know that you're in my thoughts [hugs]

Like others have said Gally go with the flow, remember your dear husband and laugh about the good times you shared, keep some of his things around you for as long as you want to, look forward as well as back on your marriage, and don't forget that you would have been doing 'first time' things when he was around, too. Go and do things as a singleton and don't be deterred because you are not part of a couple. The idea of sorting some things out one at a time, like emptying a drawer or sorting out one corner of a room, is a good one. Look after yourself, and we will enjoy some chats with you on other threads, too.

Gally me again, turning up like a bad smell, here is a poem that I posted on another thread (it may well have been yours, when you first told us your sad news, in which I apologise, but it has been well received by many,) and I reproduce it here, again,

You can shed tears that he is gone
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he's gone
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what he'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Easier to say than do, especially in the early days, but sent with much love to you, for the future.

xxx

Gally. How very brave of you to open up your heart to everyone on Gransnet after losing your beloved husband. I am still hanging on to mine but appreciate him more and more because I know it is unlikely we'll be together forever. All the messages from fellow Gransnetters have been truly touching and it just shows that websites really can be a force for good. My thoughts are with you and this message comes with a big warm hug.

Gally, sending love and xxx

Little steps Gally, that's the way. Don't have any expectations of yourself and don't worry about other people's expectations of you. Now, more than at any other time in your life, it's ok to give yourself permission to just go with the flow of how you are feeling.
Eventually, you will wake up one day and notice the sun shining.
Thinking of you. x

Dear gally
I have no words of advice but just to let you know that the sun will shine again. Such wise advice from everyone too. ((()))) One day at a time....

Gally you have recieved a lot of kind words from Gransnetters, to which I cannot add other than to say, to give yourself plenty of time to grieve. If part of that is using this thread to keep us updated on how you are coping, you will always get a response. Please try to keep posting and use us. Even though you are alone at night, you know there is a community here on the internet who are thinking of you.