Really sad subject.

Thank you for all your kind words, it really makes a difference. As my much more experienced colleague said 'these jobs are always awful and they never get any better'
I don't think the first time ever leaves you though. A tiny childs body is so different to an adults, almost boneless and the embodiment of innocence.
It will be no consolation to the parents but this one will always be remembered by a stranger.
Life goes on but the sunshine is a little less bright. We just go home and hug our families a little tighter to us.

Your feelings show your compassion, dizzy. Such a sad event to have to deal with.

What an awful experience. Although childless myself whenever I hear of a child dying I get a stab in my heart - I so admire you for the work you do - its not a job I could do myself

dizzyblonde I am so sorry for their sad loss and for you and your colleagues who did their very best to save the baby's life. I can understand how terrible you are feeling. I would feel the same myself. When my daughter was taking care of her babies in the SBCU, sadly one baby died and we knew when we walked in there the next day how distressed everyone was. It's something you hope you will never have to deal with and you will always remember, but in time it won't feel so raw.

There is something different about the loss of a child, and that keen awareness comes across in your message. I hope you will keep talking about these upsetting feelings with whoever is the right person for you to vent to.

If I had been in such a dreadful situation, I would find some comfort in knowing how devastated were the people who had done their very best to help. Take care x

dizzy - I am sure that this is a situation you will never get used to and as you are clearly a compassionate person you will always feel sad. That's what makes a good paramedic. You say the nurses were tear-stained. They have probably seen such things before. You have nothing to reproach yourself for. Carry on venting when you need to.

An absolute nightmare.

You are not useless. At least the family will come to realise that everything possible was done to save their little one. Starting with you.