Really sad subject.

An absolute nightmare.

You are not useless. At least the family will come to realise that everything possible was done to save their little one. Starting with you.

dizzy - I am sure that this is a situation you will never get used to and as you are clearly a compassionate person you will always feel sad. That's what makes a good paramedic. You say the nurses were tear-stained. They have probably seen such things before. You have nothing to reproach yourself for. Carry on venting when you need to.

dizzyblonde I am so sorry for their sad loss and for you and your colleagues who did their very best to save the baby's life. I can understand how terrible you are feeling. I would feel the same myself. When my daughter was taking care of her babies in the SBCU, sadly one baby died and we knew when we walked in there the next day how distressed everyone was. It's something you hope you will never have to deal with and you will always remember, but in time it won't feel so raw.

There is something different about the loss of a child, and that keen awareness comes across in your message. I hope you will keep talking about these upsetting feelings with whoever is the right person for you to vent to.

If I had been in such a dreadful situation, I would find some comfort in knowing how devastated were the people who had done their very best to help. Take care x

What an awful experience. Although childless myself whenever I hear of a child dying I get a stab in my heart - I so admire you for the work you do - its not a job I could do myself

Your feelings show your compassion, dizzy. Such a sad event to have to deal with.

Thank you for all your kind words, it really makes a difference. As my much more experienced colleague said 'these jobs are always awful and they never get any better'
I don't think the first time ever leaves you though. A tiny childs body is so different to an adults, almost boneless and the embodiment of innocence.
It will be no consolation to the parents but this one will always be remembered by a stranger.
Life goes on but the sunshine is a little less bright. We just go home and hug our families a little tighter to us.

dizzy don't you find that when you have had harrowing experiences the children you know become even more precious?

There's quite a few of us Gransnetters who have done the sort of job that makes others comment 'I could never do your job!'

Thank goodness someone does your job. I couldn't imagine being able to keep myself sufficiently focused to be able to do what you do. It takes real gumption

They do indeed Carol
I didn't feel focused, had to fight back tears especially as I then had to drive, cursing speed bumps all the way.
I was so glad I was working with someone who has over fifteen years of experience, at least between us we did everything possible, it just wasn't to be.

Take care dizzy. It sounds like you could do wth a bit of TLC for a while. I hope they are looking after you at work. It's not about being tough, you might find yourself doing something similar again before long, and paramedics seem to get bounced from one tragic situation to another without stopping for breath. Hope you have had some time for yourself.

(((((((Huge hug)))))))Dizzy - I feel for you as although not 'personally treating' I have been present when these things have happened with various results.
Like others have said it is the sort of thing you never get used to - you are obviously a kind, compassionate and very caring person - NEVER change - you are wonderful!

Thank you so much. we all have different ways of coping, some go home and get drunk and some go for a run or shoot things on the x-box but I think we all remember each and every child that we try and fail to resusitate.

I can still remember my first one and that was over40 years ago!
I think you accustom yourself to adult deaths, but the death of a child is always devastating!

dizzyblonde I can only echo what others have said, take care of yourself. I am full of admiration for the paramedics I come across in my day to day work and I can only imagine how stressful it must be to be the first on the scene, not knowing exactly what you are going to find. I don't have to face things 'close up' like you but as a Social Worker I once had to tell a couple that their baby who was in foster care had died, and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. It still makes me feel terribly sad, even though I had never seen the child the memory of their raw grief still haunts me. How much harder for you to be there trying to save the child. What I have found is that other events can sometimes trigger a reaction that I later realise is linked to that experience. What I am trying to say is be careful because the effects of stress are cumulative, and you will obviously face more of these traumatic incidents than me. I'm sure your more experienced colleagues will be able to empathise and offer realistic advice as well as support. But thank goodness there are people like you who are there when we need you

Can only agree with what Sbagran has just said. But you must talk it through with those you work with as well. It must be a comfort to those who have lost a child to know that the professional people there at the time cared also and grieved with them. I'm not a tactile person generally but at times of loss I always feel a hug says more than words [but obviously not in the situation you have just been in]. I'm sure you'll find a balance of caring and coping in the future. You're doing a wonderful job.

dizzyblonde reading your story made me cry. I feel so sorry for the parents. I lost two babies nearly 40 years ago now and reading how you feel has actually helped me understand the view from the 'other side'. I never thought that the medical staff would feel as upset as I did - and still do from time to time. A big thank you for sharing this sad event

I can remember my first ever baby arrest too. I can remember the room, the staff on duty and most of all the baby, a beautiful chunky Chinese baby girl who had had major heart surgery. In those days though the parents stayed at home, also they didn't speak English, and were not on the phone so that in itself was a nightmare too. You can only do your best...

goldengirl (((hugs)))

Dizzy (((hugs)))

Bless all of you doing such difficult jobs with such compassion.
Take care of yourself.

dizzy my heart goes out to you
The family know you did everything you could and you should take comfort from that. Please take care of yourself.

Walking into the resus area after they had called it was very emotional. Everywhere you looked there were nurses and doctors fighting tears.
Please be assured goldengirl that each and every child is fought for as if it was our own. The atmosphere in the back of the ambulance was quiet and controlled but almost electric. It is also the only time 'we drive like we stole it'
There is an almost palpable sense of loss in the staff room afterwards and a lot of hugs.
I have held newly made widows/widowers and phoned children to tell them an elderly parent has died and that is awful but the death of a child touches something deep inside each and every one of us.
My heartfelt sympathy to you goldengirl and to all others who have lost a child.

Sending a (((hug))) dizzyblonde from someone who has worked in A&E and a childrens hospital

I have read your words several times now dizzy and they are so very sad. You have touched so many people today. It really is a leveller to have an insight into your job and to be reminded what we are asking our health professionals to do for us all. x

Oh, Dizzy how sad, and how distressing. You will, I know, never forget this, but it will form part of what makes you the woman you are. (((hug)))

Thank you all so much for all your kind words and support. You have made me cry, and, trust me, it has helped.
Thank you again.xxx