Really sad subject.

You have all been so kind

hugs, dizzy. the 'caring' of hospital staff is very important to families.

dizzy The better the person, the harder it is to deal with another's pain. Empathy is what makes you special. You did your very best. I'm sending tender [hugs]

Your post is very touching and I'm sure we all read it through teary eyes...yes I think we forget how emotional these tragic events are for emergency services and medics.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do with compassion and proffessionalism.
My Son in law is a paramedic and he (as a father of 4) says he can deal with anything ....but it's always the children that affect them the most.
A few months ago SIL was called out to a desperately ill 3yr girl. The crew battled to save her life ...then SIL looked at her notes to discover she was born the same day as his sadly, stillborn baby girl and he found it even more difficult to 'keep it together'!!

Yes dizzy a really good cry can really help sometimes can't it. You won't forget but it will settle in time. My MIL still remembers one of her child patients dying when she was a nurse in the 1950s. You might find it helps to sit down and handwrite the whole story out. I know that you will ultimately gain confidence from this - when the chips were down your training kicked in.

Bless you dizzy for doing such a wonderful job and for being so caring.

dizzy my thoughts are with you doing such a worthwhile job never knowing what the day will bring you and your fellow medic's.

Thank you all so much for all your kind words and support. You have made me cry, and, trust me, it has helped.
Thank you again.xxx

Oh, Dizzy how sad, and how distressing. You will, I know, never forget this, but it will form part of what makes you the woman you are. (((hug)))

I have read your words several times now dizzy and they are so very sad. You have touched so many people today. It really is a leveller to have an insight into your job and to be reminded what we are asking our health professionals to do for us all. x

Sending a (((hug))) dizzyblonde from someone who has worked in A&E and a childrens hospital

Walking into the resus area after they had called it was very emotional. Everywhere you looked there were nurses and doctors fighting tears.
Please be assured goldengirl that each and every child is fought for as if it was our own. The atmosphere in the back of the ambulance was quiet and controlled but almost electric. It is also the only time 'we drive like we stole it'
There is an almost palpable sense of loss in the staff room afterwards and a lot of hugs.
I have held newly made widows/widowers and phoned children to tell them an elderly parent has died and that is awful but the death of a child touches something deep inside each and every one of us.
My heartfelt sympathy to you goldengirl and to all others who have lost a child.

dizzy my heart goes out to you
The family know you did everything you could and you should take comfort from that. Please take care of yourself.

Dizzy (((hugs)))

Bless all of you doing such difficult jobs with such compassion.
Take care of yourself.

goldengirl (((hugs)))

I can remember my first ever baby arrest too. I can remember the room, the staff on duty and most of all the baby, a beautiful chunky Chinese baby girl who had had major heart surgery. In those days though the parents stayed at home, also they didn't speak English, and were not on the phone so that in itself was a nightmare too. You can only do your best...

dizzyblonde reading your story made me cry. I feel so sorry for the parents. I lost two babies nearly 40 years ago now and reading how you feel has actually helped me understand the view from the 'other side'. I never thought that the medical staff would feel as upset as I did - and still do from time to time. A big thank you for sharing this sad event

Can only agree with what Sbagran has just said. But you must talk it through with those you work with as well. It must be a comfort to those who have lost a child to know that the professional people there at the time cared also and grieved with them. I'm not a tactile person generally but at times of loss I always feel a hug says more than words [but obviously not in the situation you have just been in]. I'm sure you'll find a balance of caring and coping in the future. You're doing a wonderful job.

dizzyblonde I can only echo what others have said, take care of yourself. I am full of admiration for the paramedics I come across in my day to day work and I can only imagine how stressful it must be to be the first on the scene, not knowing exactly what you are going to find. I don't have to face things 'close up' like you but as a Social Worker I once had to tell a couple that their baby who was in foster care had died, and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. It still makes me feel terribly sad, even though I had never seen the child the memory of their raw grief still haunts me. How much harder for you to be there trying to save the child. What I have found is that other events can sometimes trigger a reaction that I later realise is linked to that experience. What I am trying to say is be careful because the effects of stress are cumulative, and you will obviously face more of these traumatic incidents than me. I'm sure your more experienced colleagues will be able to empathise and offer realistic advice as well as support. But thank goodness there are people like you who are there when we need you

I can still remember my first one and that was over40 years ago!
I think you accustom yourself to adult deaths, but the death of a child is always devastating!

Thank you so much. we all have different ways of coping, some go home and get drunk and some go for a run or shoot things on the x-box but I think we all remember each and every child that we try and fail to resusitate.

(((((((Huge hug)))))))Dizzy - I feel for you as although not 'personally treating' I have been present when these things have happened with various results.
Like others have said it is the sort of thing you never get used to - you are obviously a kind, compassionate and very caring person - NEVER change - you are wonderful!

Take care dizzy. It sounds like you could do wth a bit of TLC for a while. I hope they are looking after you at work. It's not about being tough, you might find yourself doing something similar again before long, and paramedics seem to get bounced from one tragic situation to another without stopping for breath. Hope you have had some time for yourself.

They do indeed Carol
I didn't feel focused, had to fight back tears especially as I then had to drive, cursing speed bumps all the way.
I was so glad I was working with someone who has over fifteen years of experience, at least between us we did everything possible, it just wasn't to be.

dizzy don't you find that when you have had harrowing experiences the children you know become even more precious?

There's quite a few of us Gransnetters who have done the sort of job that makes others comment 'I could never do your job!'

Thank goodness someone does your job. I couldn't imagine being able to keep myself sufficiently focused to be able to do what you do. It takes real gumption