Children and babies at weddings.

Some years ago my daughter went to her stepsister's wedding with her DH and DS who was then about 20 months old. We offered to look after him but she wanted to take him until the evening when we would collect him and take him home to bed. When we arrived to collect him at 8pm she was nearly in tears as she thought he had spoiled the bride's day as he had fidgeted and grizzled all through the meal/speeches. She had not enjoyed the day at all and was quite relieved to hand him over!. I do think weddings can be boring for very young children. We have always had close family children there and those of parents who have to travel some distance but it is difficult when you know from experience some guests have the children from hell who just run riot. My close friend is getting married soon and she has excluded all children but her own DGC just so she does not have to invite her sister's children who are totally out of control.

It is difficult, isn't it? My daughter grew up with her cousin, and was very hurt when her little ones were not invited to her cousin's wedding. She chose not to go, as she didn't want to leave her children, and finding an all-day babysitter was difficult. Sadly, their relationship has never fully recovered. My son and his wife, on the other hand, much prefer to go without their children, as they can relax and enjoy themselves. Children were invited to both my son's and daughter's weddings, and a brilliant time was had by all. It's horses for courses, I guess. Good luck, Hilda - it sounds lovely.

Hilda - Sounds like a perfect start for them both.

HildaW, Lovely!

They have POGS, they might both be young but they see it as a celebration to be enjoyed by all they care for. Both have had a few ups and downs and see it as a public way of truly counting their blessings.

HildaW. What a brilliant idea, it sounds as though you will all share a lovely day. The couple getting married must have a very warm nature, if they do start a family, what lucky children they will have.

AS for the original question, my daughter no longer goes to a wedding without children as it does not suit. I fully appreciate it is upto the couple getting married though. It is quite sad really because good friends miss sharing the big day, quite regrettable.

Hilda I love the idea of a children's table what fun! I agree with many of you that children should be invited. Another problem is that as weddings these days are often held in country houses, or some distance away, people book into a local hotel. This has happened to us several times. My DS and wife didn't go as it meant leaving the children with a babysitter - non family member - as the family were going to the wedding. As on both occasions they had a small baby they weren't ready to leave her with a 'stranger' let alone a member of the family. I know children can be a bit over-excited on these occasions hence the playleader. My 3 year old was as good as gold when she was a tiny bridesmaid last year and loved the eating and dancing later. As she and I began to wilt about 8.30 we took ourselves off.

Oh, thanks - some good suggestions. I've had a peek at Cox&Cox for ideas, but on the whole I'm pretty much sorted - apart from the weather. I wonder if iamjing can get a long range weather forecast from her son who's in the business ???

My grandson and his fiancee are getting married in August - their own little girls, aged 5 and 2, will be bridesmaids! Most of their friends have children about the same age. When my daughter got married we had a children's entertainer and the children had a special meal in a side room. The speeches would have bored them anyway. Children over 10 were give the choice of sitting with the adults or not - they all chose the children's room.

Butternut, you are probably all sorted but there is a nice firm called Cox&Cox who do pretty things for diy weddings

Sounds very pretty Butternut......turn the long ones into a Maypole as Anagrams suggests......? a Pastoral idyl!

You could have a Maypole for the kids to dance around!

Hilda -The bunting sounds very pretty. The wish is to have long white ribbon streamers hanging at different lengths from the cherry trees....with some to the floor. I wonder how long they will last with the kids.....!?

I do feel having small children running around at the evening 'do' following a wedding creates a certain kind of atmosphere. I can understand why some people prefer 'adults only'.

Also depends how many children, one or two older ones would be quite a different kettle of fish to lots of toddlers.

I think a wedding is lacking something if some members of family/friends are excluded . Just my opinion but I think children make a wedding extra special.

Butternut....bunting, in pretty pastel coloured fabric.....tis easy to run up on sewing machine and looks loverly....I made some in shades of pink, lilac and cream...still have it somewhere.

Thanks Hilda! I haven't got to the devine bit yet, still stuck in angst - but all will be as it will be on the day.

We are having a family wedding in Sept. There will be a children's table, they are all choosing their food and the bride and groom are making up personalized 'goody bags' for each child, they dont have children themselves yet so its a lovely touch.

Seventimesfive, such a shame and it must have been aweful for you.

Of course yes its the couples choice plus whoever else has had the pleasure of paying for it but I love to see the children in their party clothes but perhaps not in the late evening when the adults may be getting a bit well you know how adults can get. The idea of a playleader to keep them amused is a great one. At my daughters wedding the chef came round to each table and asked each child what they would like him to cook for them which was a lovely touch we thought and most unexpected.

I'm a bit "bleurgh" at child free weddings; although I do appreciate that it is the couple's choice. I definitely think that the children of the couple's immediate family should be there - my son and his wife did this at their quite posh formal wedding, and there were no problems whatsoever. How on earth do parents just go away for the day and evening and leave young children with babysitters? There are some really interesting posts on Mumsnet about this and some people have to make really difficult decisions. As I said, it is the couple's choice, but more often than not they do not have children and therefore do not appreciate the problems which child-free weddings cause.

I agree that it is the couples choice, but in my family my eldest DS and wife said no children. At that time my eldest DD was the only one with a child and she was deeply hurt and it has taken many years to resolve.

Butternut, sounds devine.....and quite the best idea for a wedding, I will keep my fingers crossed for . Am a bit old fashioned I think..I dont feel a wedding should be some sort of designer event, its not art, its a celebration of love and commitment.

As everyone has said it's an individuals choice and I daresay understandable. It is up to the bride and groom on how they want their special day.* Anagram* says that some people think children might 'spoil' their big day - I suppose if there are several misbehaved children it would. I always think that the very British idea of children being kept put of the way is a rather sad one. How will children learn to behave at important social occaions if they aren't exposed to them. We went to a pub near us in the New Forest once went my oldest GD was about a year old. There were two signs on the door. 1] dogs are very welcome 2] please keep your children under control. It said it all and I'm afraid I got a bit cross and let the landlord know [quietly] what I thought of his signs. [I am a dog lover BTW].

I am organising and hosting the wedding for my son and his future wife in 5 weeks time, in my garden. It's definitely a family and friends affair, with ages ranging from 6 mths old to 73.

Basically I feel it's all down to the choice of the happy couple.

Please, please don't let it rain!