Children and babies at weddings.

I agree with you dorsetpennt, surely weddings are family ocassions where space allows.

Sometimes the bride and groom have just decided that they don't want children 'spoiling' their big day. I know that probably sounds ridiculous and selfish to most of us, but I have been to one wedding like that - the bride to be was quite open about it and was sorry if it put people out, but she wanted her day to be dignified and child-free! (Needless to say, she had none of her own...)

Oh dear, I fear I am about to put the cat amongst the pigeons! My opinion is that it's the couple's choice. Every wedding is different - in size, in style, in atmosphere (and of course budget) - and while some would be perfect with small children running around, others would be ruined. It's all down to the venue and the plans the couple have made. For example one of my DDs had a daytime wedding in the countryside - loads of outside space and the children could run in and out quite happily and it all worked perfectly. My other DD chose a more 'grown up' occasion - late afternoon ceremony and evening 'do' in a museum type setting and asked people not to bring their children (apart from babies). Both weddings were absolutely wonderful and no one seemed put out as it was clear from the invitation what sort of party it was going to be. (I don't think any of their friends would have expected to take toddlers etc to a late night drinks party and essentially this is what the second occasion was)

FeeTee I feel like you that it is the couples' choice. One I do not understand, as weddings should be family occasions, but not for us to say.

Our eldest and future sil asked me to organise their wedding - as they were abroad beforehand- but I did everything how THEY wanted it, not me.
I've had many friends who said a wedding was for the whole family, and as they were paying for it- they had to have a big influence on what happens, however I disagree. It is THEIR wedding - their choice (within reason eg, within a pre-agreed budget + a bit 'ish').

Our second daughters wedding was organised as a team- very different to the first one- but again, following daughter's and sil's wishes.

granjura - succinctly put and I agree with everything you've written.

When I got married I said no children too. Slightly different times, we were married in church and then travelled to reception. I was working on a children's ward and my day was going to be child-free for just once.

I think the problem arises, dorset, because it is the wedding party at which children are not required. Actual wedding ceremonies are public, are they not? I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong. Anyway, my point is that if a couple want an adult party after their wedding, that's their choice.

I think it depends on the style and size of the wedding. Also the venue. It may be a small venue and if you add a number of children, that reduces space for more friends and family plus the related costs. I think you have to balance the pros and cons. After all, young children will probably be bored at a very formal wedding.

I am organising and hosting the wedding for my son and his future wife in 5 weeks time, in my garden. It's definitely a family and friends affair, with ages ranging from 6 mths old to 73.

Basically I feel it's all down to the choice of the happy couple.

Please, please don't let it rain!

As everyone has said it's an individuals choice and I daresay understandable. It is up to the bride and groom on how they want their special day.* Anagram* says that some people think children might 'spoil' their big day - I suppose if there are several misbehaved children it would. I always think that the very British idea of children being kept put of the way is a rather sad one. How will children learn to behave at important social occaions if they aren't exposed to them. We went to a pub near us in the New Forest once went my oldest GD was about a year old. There were two signs on the door. 1] dogs are very welcome 2] please keep your children under control. It said it all and I'm afraid I got a bit cross and let the landlord know [quietly] what I thought of his signs. [I am a dog lover BTW].

Butternut, sounds devine.....and quite the best idea for a wedding, I will keep my fingers crossed for . Am a bit old fashioned I think..I dont feel a wedding should be some sort of designer event, its not art, its a celebration of love and commitment.

I agree that it is the couples choice, but in my family my eldest DS and wife said no children. At that time my eldest DD was the only one with a child and she was deeply hurt and it has taken many years to resolve.

I'm a bit "bleurgh" at child free weddings; although I do appreciate that it is the couple's choice. I definitely think that the children of the couple's immediate family should be there - my son and his wife did this at their quite posh formal wedding, and there were no problems whatsoever. How on earth do parents just go away for the day and evening and leave young children with babysitters? There are some really interesting posts on Mumsnet about this and some people have to make really difficult decisions. As I said, it is the couple's choice, but more often than not they do not have children and therefore do not appreciate the problems which child-free weddings cause.

Of course yes its the couples choice plus whoever else has had the pleasure of paying for it but I love to see the children in their party clothes but perhaps not in the late evening when the adults may be getting a bit well you know how adults can get. The idea of a playleader to keep them amused is a great one. At my daughters wedding the chef came round to each table and asked each child what they would like him to cook for them which was a lovely touch we thought and most unexpected.

Seventimesfive, such a shame and it must have been aweful for you.

We are having a family wedding in Sept. There will be a children's table, they are all choosing their food and the bride and groom are making up personalized 'goody bags' for each child, they dont have children themselves yet so its a lovely touch.

Thanks Hilda! I haven't got to the devine bit yet, still stuck in angst - but all will be as it will be on the day.

Butternut....bunting, in pretty pastel coloured fabric.....tis easy to run up on sewing machine and looks loverly....I made some in shades of pink, lilac and cream...still have it somewhere.

I think a wedding is lacking something if some members of family/friends are excluded . Just my opinion but I think children make a wedding extra special.

I do feel having small children running around at the evening 'do' following a wedding creates a certain kind of atmosphere. I can understand why some people prefer 'adults only'.

Also depends how many children, one or two older ones would be quite a different kettle of fish to lots of toddlers.

Hilda -The bunting sounds very pretty. The wish is to have long white ribbon streamers hanging at different lengths from the cherry trees....with some to the floor. I wonder how long they will last with the kids.....!?

You could have a Maypole for the kids to dance around!

Sounds very pretty Butternut......turn the long ones into a Maypole as Anagrams suggests......? a Pastoral idyl!

Butternut, you are probably all sorted but there is a nice firm called Cox&Cox who do pretty things for diy weddings