A very senior moment

When working for a photographer in Dartmouth, I phoned the Royal Naval College and enquired...'Do you have anyone to photograph your balls...?' I was new. I was nervous. I should have said dances...

Maths teacher "d'un certain age" and really skinny criticised somebody's geometry saying "That's no good, you need a figure like mine!"
Same teacher was wont to say "Look at the board and I'll run through it again"
We didn't dare snigger - but it was a struggle!

Actually, yes it is a bit of a classic GN humour thread.

Thanks you all. Just came across this thread after a very long day with an unhappy hard-done-by elderly mother. Cheering her up had left me rather drained but I'm all tickedy boo again now!

Just reviving this thread to share with you a senior moment reported by DIL.
DIL's grandma is 89. Still driving and doing long daily walks.
Family visiting her for tea. She suddenly turns to her great grandson F, aged 4 and says "Would you like some port F?" "Are you sure? It's your uncle's favourite drink"

lol lol just what I needed before bedtime lol.lol. have to lol quietly so as not to wake DH lol LOL LOL.....

I wasn't allowed to swear at home so I would say 'Eleven Eggs' which is elf Eier in German - comes out as hell fire. As for Vater - my Dad could be a champion farter - one for every one of the thirteen steps to downstairs when he got up, so the word seemed so appropriate. As did Mutter, 'cos Mum would mutter in discontent! Ah, German - such a great language for rudeness and fun.

I remember these two Texan lads in my German class in Vienna in the mid 1960s. They were appalling racists, and all round right wing ratbags in a period of civil rights in America and social justice in Europe. Anyway, their German was pretty hopeless and one day we had to talk about things we liked to do back home. These lads liked to go shooting in the woods, but one of them got the words schiessen and scheissen mixed up. One means shoot and the other means shit................

And one of my gran's expressions was that she was "just going to give the toilet a lick round"...eeww. She always wondered why we laughed.

and what about having to teach German...Vater, Vati's Vater= Grossvater, er fahrt mit dem Zug etc etc (can't do umlauts) .... a laugh a minute!

Oh, teaching! "prick" was always good for a snigger, but the best / worst was from the poem "Flannan Isle", where the strange birds are "far too big for cormorant or shag".

I used to give the an advance warning: "Right! In this poem the word "shag" will occur. It means..... But knowing you lot let's have a snigger now." It usually worked, apart from those students who wanted to explore the etymology of the word...

Our local Chinese restaurant has an assistant who always asks us, "D'you wanna fork 'n' tray?" (say it quickly...!)

When I was a science teacher there were 2 things one had to steer around carefully.
1. there was a piece of work on waves that had to be done early in "3rd year" - Y9. In order to create those waves across a water tank there was a bit of kit called a vibrator. Or "this thing that vibrates" as I used to say.
2. The "unfortunately named Wankel engine" - no way round it, had to preempt the sniggers by getting in first.

In that same waves topic, there was also a thing where there was a large perspex tank and teech had to make big waves on it with a plunger. Darn thing disintegrated one lesson, depositing about 3 gallons of water at my feet. Rest of lesson spent mopping up and laughing. Never really got control of that particular class after that - they kept waiting for another disaster.

The things teachers say could start a whole new thread!!
A colleague of mine many years ago was basing her weekly spelling list on the maths being taught that week which was fractions. She went through the usual - quarter, sixth etc. As I walked in she was saying to her class of nine year olds - don't forget the f in twelfths. Quite a moment! Fortunately the children didn't notice a thing - such innocence!

My grandmother enjoyed drinking PLJ (pure lemon juice) bought from the local chemist. However, getting older and slightly confused, she regularly asked for LSD. Fortunately the staff knew her and handed over the lemon juice without comment.

The innocence of some and the naughtiness of others!! Always a 'snigger' combination.. in the best seaside postcard tradition!

At Heckmondwike grammar school around 1958 my friend was sitting next to a cupboard in a Latin lesson, when she suddenly noticed that the broken knob had been fixed. So this parson's daughter piped up and said "Have you had your knob mended, sir?"

snigger, snigger went the class!

A friend I knew went to a Public school many years ago - the maths teacher would often announce that the next lesson would be a maths debate [say it quickly]

That's what comes of writing porn novels!!

Was in school once on Shrove Tuesday when the head, who was was making pancakes in assembly in front of all the kids ..'I am not much of a tosser' says she....

absent merlot

'Thanks absent - a laugh out loud moment!

merlotgran

Every Wednesday my nearly 94 yr old mother asks her hairdresser for a blow job. How the poor woman keeps a straight face I'll never know.

I loved it!

absent wonderful!