Lil's Bar

Have just spoken to Lil Nd she is thinking of selling up and buying a garden centre..she has had a few meetings with Alan and things seem to be progressing well...she has been reading lady chatterly and has been taking an interest in all things that require getting down and dirty with gardeners....watch this space

OOOh, nellie, A garden centre would be just the ticket. Do you think you can persuade Lil to get Monty Don to open it? I bet he's read Lady Chatterly because I hear he's very good at finding the clematis.

My dear Ella and Ana,
thank you for your interest/concern over this disintresting condition. My words come out all jumbly rumbly, a bit like Poo (the bear!)
I think to control this condition i need more beer and mixing my drin- er, friends!
Such high class clients as yerselves then I'll be more familiar! (with the way of talking like)
My spotless character has been dry cleaned, in a manner of speaking, since slipping in the mud recently!
The conman saw me this morning and offered to cut my tree and fix the roof tiles for next to nothing! 'E only wants £500 for bits to start, not bad eh? 'E apologised for asking for 'es change back. Bein a gent, I said 'E wer welcome - an' then 'e put the 'ammer back in 'is manbag! So everyfink's alright again.
I find that if I give a little cough before speaking (kcer ker) makes the vocal chords behave in a more responsible manner!
I'll see you nice Lad/dies in the Bar, Lil's Pub! ( bit of hic on spellin' still!

merlot You sound like a fun person. Lil will definitely find you invaluable around the exotic-plant greenhouse.

gramps Pleased to hear that you've been dry-cleaned. Lil does have standards, you know. They may not be knee-high to a grasshopper but...she can be awful fussy when the wind's in the wrong direction.

I seem to have the pub to myself......happy days..

Lil is thinking of selling the moon if there are any buyersit comes as a franchise and a full set of staff..it comes with a full set of * ample bosom*..the bishops hat still has a life of its own...and the nuns knickers will slip down easily and bring joy to any weary traveller.
The staff are easily handled..especially if you ask them nicely..and of course lock ins are compulsory ..
Lil is calling last orders in order to diversify and pursue a career in parliament for our very own constituency of Fumble ....this isn't the first time that parliament has had a Fumble on its back bench....Lil promises to give every satisfaction in whatever position she is offered she is hoping for whip but she always did have her eye on the main chance...she has the makings of a fine politician as she is very adept at screwing the public.
I am helping Lil set up her surgery....she will be open for any problems you may have that you don't require a straight answer for...she is looking forward to servicing her public...

That's more like the Littlenellie I love. Sheer genius! Have been to cast a few dozen "iffy" votes in order to secure your place on the back bench. Wouldn't want you to have to have to sit on some unsuspecting chap's lap!

I'm sorry I've not been around much over the last couple of days....I've had the builder in...! My kitchen roof nearly fell in, due to rotten timbers.......(really, no joke!) However, I'm very happy to pick up where I left off, I'm needing a bit of overtime to pay off the builder......anyway, he and his mate have been very happy with the services I've provided - even if my kitchen hygiene is slightly suspect.

green you should have moved into the pub whilst you had the work done then everything would have been "on tap" for you and yours.

Bet nellie wishes she could have done that too - or even the Grandads' shed!

Nellie, you and I could've cooked up something for my builder......he's banging away at his scaffolding just now.....I really don't like to look!

green that made me

green perhaps your builder needs to contain himself...banging away at any erection is a dangerous business....just have a little peep then
ana the shed sounds ideal although I do rather like looking at my new kitchen..not sure if I want to go and play in there though...

Ooh! Is it finished, nellie?

It is indeed ana have a new floor and everything is all new and fresh seems such a shame to use it really,just happy to look and get everything back to 'normal'

One thing off your mind, at least!
Enjoy!

Dear old Nell,
We're glad you are well,
Life's not been the same without you.
We've been sitting around, a bit dumbfound',
While the Bar, It's patrons are sparse,
Old Pete and me, been drinking weak tea,
And sitting all day on our bench(?)
Been thinking of you,holding a screw,
And whacking it in with a w(r)ench!

This poem ain't good, bit like the food
Wot's been served up 'ere in the Bar
Now that you're back we can all have a crack.
And hope Lil's reputation goes far!
tt's really a pity that this little ditty
ain't going the way wot you fink,
It scans here and then, but I can't say just when,
It seems to depend on the ink!

You may be aware that the speech therapy fingy is werkin,
The words comes and goes but ,as we all nose,
You don't get nuffink by shirkin'!
That's all for now Nell,(I'm under your spell!)
So "nighty night" I'll say,.No more fears,
Good health o'er the years,
And with you in mind I'll pray.

Gramps x

Oh Gramps bless your heart
You have written a rhyme just for me
I sorry you arrived here
To find there's no beer
And have to make do with some tea
The Nellsta is back to have some more crack
With all of the gang round the bar
Now me and Lil
Have not been I'll or even under the weather
But my mojo was lost,and I was at the end of my teather
Until all my friends with encouraging words
And ideas that kept me flourishing
Meant I am able to serve on my table
Food which is extremely nourishing
So thank you dear gramps
For your wonderful ode
Dedicated to little old me
I will raise a cup....when I get up up
Of good ole rosy lea
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I love this thread , it is sooo funny can"t stop laughing .

How uplifting it is to come to this thread and find something to about. Well done, Gramps your ode is just the thing for making our Nellie feel heaps better.
Nellie enjoy your new kitchen. Enjoy the sunshine. Enjoy having your mojo restored. Lovely to have you back with a on your face.
Nonu Me too!

soop and nonu the rhyme by gramps is really appreciated what a sweetie,haven't seen pete skulking about hope we haven't poisoned him or he's b******d off with Huey do you reckonxx

ittlenellie, you are welcome back even though I don"t know you as well as the others do, you certainly are a fun girl [in a nice way !] Soop was only saying to me in the snug the other night she"s dying for u to return

I think Pete's sulking because Lil's selling the bar. He knows no other way of life, and certainly won't be able to live without Lil's Ample Bosoms...

Gramps...find Pete for us for goodness sake. Ana your comment would tickle our Pete

My dear mate Pete,
Get up off your seat,
The Girls on here are all worried,
They think for rebuff you have taken the huff,
And away from us all you have hurried!

Something to do with the "Bar" I hear,
The takings it seems have been "took"
Now I know for a fact, that's not in your act.
'cos I've written it down in your book!

The odd dram that we supped was for the quality bit,
We knew it must not go stale,
so we took double rations to lessen the risk,
And washed it down with the rest of the Ale!

Sho come back dear PETE,
( I'm feeling replete and also a lichle bit woozy!)
All is forgiven, no more being driven to sup of the beers that you like,
Investigating much more, they found it a bore,
So the Staff have bought you a BIKE!!