Jilly Cooper

Nobody seems to have considered the grandchildren themselves. Mine live in the same town and often one or the other will phone and ask if they can 'stay over'. I know their mother has not put them up to it because she quite likes them to be with her in the evening so I think of it as being between me and them and I don't like saying no in case they feel rejected.

Anyway, for the last eight years one of them has lived with me; aged 23 now and reckons he will be moving out in a couple of years [but I'm sure he said that two years ago )

I`ll keep it short. I absolutely agree with her!

Jolly Sooper, Jilly Cooper. I expected nothing less of her. She has always poked fun at herself especially where family matters are concerned. She stood by her husband when he humiliated her and is now caring for him in his decline. I love the fact that her grandchildren's names sound like they have come straight out of one of her novels.

I remember reading an article she wrote years ago, and she said that when she was annoyed with Leo she would go and clean the bath with his face cloth!

Not the toilet bowl?

My husband didn't use one, more's the pity!

What, a toilet?

ana Are you thinking JC would have a loo rather than a toilet?

Ana I know....

johanna I think JC would definitely have a lavatory!

We don't do any committed week in week out childcare for our grandchildren, but are back up when needed. I always found that important when I worked part and then full time. I remember the problem of mine getting chicken pox one after another and my in laws saying that they couldn't help out incase they caught shingles, even though I explained that wasn't medically true.
I count the time I spend with my grandchildren as precious and was jealous of my husband looking after them occasionally while I was at work. I have now joined him in retirement and have two days booked in to help out before they return to school in September.

My 14 yr old DGS has been on holiday for a fortnight and I can't WAIT for him to get back on Monday. I have a new mobile phone I'm having trouble getting to grips with and he'll sort it out in minutes. Grandpa needs help moving some logs and we really really miss him and his brother. It's hard work looking after very young DGCs but it's wonderful when they get older. The balance tips the other way and they start looking out for you.

I enjoyed JC's article but it reminded me of a friend who found her children a bit irksome. It was all too hard for her and they were lucky to get a bath, her sister was worse and her toddler's hair would get washed once a month. They were far too arty and interesting to worry about the state of their children.

Cleaning the toilet bowl with my ex's toothbrush will always be something I won't regret. It doesn't matter how nasty he is, I can still imagine him cleaning his teeth with a dirty brush that had been whizzed around the toilet bowl cleaning his barnacles. Revenge is very sweet!!!!

That revenge bit was in reply to Ella's post. Plus I really could not stay with a man who had been unfaithful to me for eight years. I would much prefer to spend time with my grandchildren.

What's wrong with washing a toddler's hair only once a month? Can't remember with the other two, but I did that with DD3. It might even have been less often than that. Brushing is good.

I wash my hair about once every 2 and 1/2 weeks. Started doing that about a year ago, and the hairdresser comments on my healthy hair. I think it gives my hair, which is very dry, a chance for the natural oils to do whatever it is they do.

I think JC, like her hairstyle, is a 70's throw-back, and her views irrelevant.
I remember in the 70s reading books like 'The Baby Trap' which emphasised all the downsides of babies and children and how, if you must have them, you had to go on just as before, giving dinner parties, working full-time etc, and following Jerry Hall's mantra about being a goddess in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom or something similar. And of course the Dads had very little to do with it all!
I sometimes think things have gone too far the other way when I hear DS and DSil expounding their views on modern child-rearing
I have only one DD living near me and she hasn't had children yet, but when the time comes I shall be very happy to help out in emergencies, babysit so they can go out in the evenings or weekends, but not to offer my services on a regular committed basis, if only because I want to be free to visit the other DGCs who live far away, as and when I feel like it.

merlotgran, yes, I agree, older GC can be a great support. My GD takes my arm when crossing the road which makes me feel about a hundred. However, be prepared for them taking an interest in the other sex...

I think judging someone by her hairstyle is not terribly helpful to the argument. My hairstyle is much more old-fashioned than JC's, probably by a few thousand years. Go figure.

Janeainsworth agree with u

Why are her views 'irrelevant', Jane? And to whom? Not everyone, surely...

I wouldn't call any gran's views on grandparenting irrelevant. There are probably as many different views of the grandparenting rôle are there are views about any other issue that is about human behaviour. My view is a shrug and the attitude of do what works for you. What does it matter what other people do or think, except for the entertainment value of hearing what they have to say. JC at least has high entertainment value

I haven't read any of her books by the way but that DT article was entertaining.

In short, as so often, there isn't a right way to be a grandparent. There are thousands of right ways. If what JC does suits her and her extended family, that's fine. No need to "take sides" or make derogatory comments about her hairstyle. That's irrelevant.

Bags I wasn't 'judging' JC on her hairstyle. I merely meant that it was out-of date, and unflattering.
I agree with you that we should all do what suits us - but that wasn't what JC was saying, and it wasn't the view in the 70s, when there was a lot of pressure on women to conform to the idea of 'having it all'.
Anagram I think she has had a privileged life, and her views are irrelevant to the many, perhaps the majority, of young families who are struggling financially and rely on grandparents for support.
Anyway I'm off out now

I find her views amusing as (to me) they resemble the rather anachronistic views of the old ruling class. They have no relevance to me as her life experience, past and present, bear no resemblance to how I had to bring up my children or to the circumstances in which they are bringing up their children. I certainly don't envy her privileged background - I think she has had her own problems. I love looking after my grandson, I do it willingly, and I love the relationship we have - each to their own.