When is 'independent living' ... not?

That last sentence suggests that you neighbour was asserting her independence.

Independent living is fine as long as it works for the customer. I worry about those, like my mum's neighbour, who has support to get up at 8am and then is left to sit in a chair until the evening because unless someone tells her to move she tends not to.

That's interesting absent and true for that occasion. Mostly she's oblivious that she's partly dressed when that happens.

My MiL is in her hundred and second year. She still states vehemently that she doesn't want to go into a home. She has carers who come in twice a day and my SiL goes in every afternoon for approximately an hour and a half. SiL does whatever personal things need doing and gives her her supper/tea. In addition she shops for her and does the hospital visits and surgery. In other words, whatever additional help my MiL needs.

Maybe there are those that feel my MiL shouldn't be in the house on her own. But it is her decision.

Although she has very poor sight she can get up out of her chair and walk to the loo, aided only by the ocassional hand on the furniture.

Do people with dementia know what is going on in their lives? I would have thought they would at least have some but i have no experience of it at all. It does sound to me as if she might be better off in a specialist unit though.

I wonder if in such circumstances money comes into the decision sometimes? Presumably it is cheaper to keep someone in their own home than in a dementia unit?

Grannyknot I can see why you are concerned

What a worry Grannyknot

We persuaded my mum to go into a residential home when she became a danger to herself. It was worrying enough that she seemed to eat cornflakes for every meal, despite the freezer being full of home cooked meals, but when she started to ask anyone she could find (especially the builders next door!)for a lift to the hairdressers even though my brother took her every week, we decided enough was enough.

I consider she is much better in a more stimulating environment and, theoretically, monitored most of the time but able to do as she wants, within reason.

I didn't even realise I worried about her, but, I do - I check through the window when I'm home to see that she isn't outside (did I say she's evidently in nappies? - they must be uncomfortable because she tugs on them). I think I must step up my reporting of each incident ... don't want to seem like a busy-body neighbour so keep it low-key. I raced down the stairs the other week, out the front door and burst through my gate to get to her fast because she had called out to a passing teenage boy. He looked completely bemused at the whole situation and loped off.

kittylester On a separate thread you talk about how unhappy you are with the home.

Perhaps you could make a call to Social Services and explain the situation to them.

Quite right flowerfriend but at least she is safe and, generally, the home is fine and, with all it's drawbacks, she is better there than living on her own.

We have someone who has similar problems who lives quite near to us,she has all her windows wide open summer and winter and sings at the top her voice day and during the night,she was moved here from another area who said she had anti-social tendencies and had upset her previous neighbours,she is now doing the same here,health visitors have been to see her and correct her medication but she forgets to take it so the problem starts again,she has been seen taking her dog for walks at 2-30am and Mr.G has to make sure she gets back home before the barking of the dog wakes up the whole neighbour hood,its such a shame that the family can't be bothered with her as I'm sure once her medication is taken on a regular basis she would be much better.

Grannyknot - I wonder what would happen if there was a fire and she was locked in?

Good question greatnan other neighbours around her are retired and mostly at home, but lots can go wrong when you're locked in and frail. She has a panic button that she wears around her neck, but sometimes I think she doesn't quite know what it is any longer. I've decided to explain my concerns to her children.