So who am I then?

I never minded being introduced as 'Mr Lily's wife' if we were at a social or formal occasion on his side and he never minded being introduced as 'Lily's husband' if it was on my side. In the context, that's what we were there as. I was rather surprised though when a North African student explained that as a mother, I would now politely be called 'Mother of (name of DS)' in Arabic. That seemed more like losing any individual identity!

VQ - just a little misunderstanding there. I think every couple should be able to work out their relationship to their own satisfaction, and if the traditional role suits a woman, good luck to her. I had to put up with a lot of flack from some 'stay-at-home' mothers when I decided to do a full-time degree - one said 'Oh, I couldn't do that, my standards are too high'. None of them knew the reasons that had made me decide to study again and I didn't feel the need to explain myself. I would never criticise any woman for making a different choice from me. No doubt there are even women who would enjoy 'submitting' to a man and as long as it is done voluntarily it is her own business.

Greatnan I think you misunderstood me. I didn't mean you had put anyone down. I meant that being happy to be a wife is seen as a sort of weakness by some other women. 'Thought I was more than that' suggests that the leader of the meeting felt that way.

Print I think you should say what you like and that whoever said that to you should be shot! Sometimes these things can get very competetive and I would just say as little as possible depending upon the circumstances. I remember going on a course and as the introductions went round the table it seemed that each person had more 'qualifications' than the one before. I was near the end so I just said my name is ............. and I'm here to gain a qualification!

Many years ago I was always someone's wife or mother but then when I returned to work was occassionally invited on a 'jolly' and took along DH he found it strange to be my appendage instead of the other way round. He soon got used to it and enjoyed it.

We are also content to be together and thought of by others as a unit. That is just what we are and proud of it! It takes hard work to make a marriage successful there is no luck involved. I am also proud of my major achievement, my children, who have all grown up to be loving, confident, independent people who we love and who love us.

I am me. I wear a lot of hats [metaphorically speaking] and it depends on the situation which one I wear. I'm quite happy to be DH's wife when appropriate and he's quite happy to be my husband when the focus is on me so it works out well. I've fortunately not been in a situation for ages where I'm 'looked down on' as being 'the wife' which is gratifying.

I would object strongly to being referred to as "wife of Mr M." I am me and wish to continue like that. That probably says all there is to say about our relationship.

absent I still like my 'madam of a high class brothel' response!

When an acquaintance of my DH said on meeting me "so this is your good lady then" DH took me into strong embrace with my head buried in his shoulder to muffle my indignant/furious/disgusted response

Well said, absent!

I love that idea, absent! Come to think of it, perhaps some of us are doing just that on this forum (but I think Anno, When, and Jura might have outed me!)

haha absent so do I and think of all the fun to be had making things up and watching people's reactions. nut [smille].

I love my husband, I like him too and I acknowledge and respect his skills, abilities and achievements, but I am not proud of him. How can I be; I didn't do anything to make him the way he is. I am not proud to be with him – it's just what we do – but I like being with him. I am sure the feeling is mutual. No doubt in some contexts I am Mr absent's wife; in others he is absentgrana's husband; in still others I am absentdaughter's mother and he is her step father; then at others we are not seen in the context of each other's lives at all. Doesn't seem a big deal to me.

The trouble with those little introductions that you can be asked for is that I get an almost irresistible desire to make up some completely outrageous story about being the illegitimate daughter of the Crown Prince of Samosa and running a sky diving school for gay, lesbian and transgender pensioners, for example.

Isn't it all down to respect? Yes I was proud to be married to my husband but I was always a person in my own right.

I remember some years ago we were at a social gathering and someone seeking opinions said to my husband "and what do you two think about it", before I had a chance to say anything my husband said he could give his opinion but if anyone wanted my opinion they should ask me.

Having said that, if we were at a gathering where I knew no-one but where my husband was well known I was happy to be introduced as his wife.

Oh yes, anma! W/O - "wife of". Used to drive me mad.

I just think it depends on the context, if I am at something with DD and the little boys I would introduce myself as their granny or her mum, if I am at something run by DH's church I am known as Mrs Rupert and I would tailor what I say depending on where I was. If at one of middle DD's plays I am only too happy to be greeted as Naomi's mum!! I still retain my own identity but sometimes all that is quite irrelevant to the people I am meeting.

The put down? I just said what I felt about it when people assumed I was an adjunct of my husband. Are we supposed to agree with everything anybody posts, even if we feel differently? Each to her own.

It's the put down that I can't stand. I like being my husband's wife. I'm proud of him and proud to be with him. That doesn't mean I'm not a person in my own right.

Brilliant rant, Grannyknot - quite agree.

print what a nerve for someone to decide what you should or shouldn't be. We're all different people at different times and IMHO you can say whatever you feel like when people ask you to say a few words about yourself. I've got a friend who's a very high flyer and when she introduces herself she often says 'I'm So-and-So and I belong to Bobby' (her husband). It often raises eyebrows but a more independent woman is hard to find. Maybe the fact that they've been together since they were 15 (now in their 60s) has something to do with her saying that! It's like when they do an 'ice breaker' at meetings and all have to say what their biggest achievement is, and maybe for you it's crossing the road safely that day because you felt dizzy, and others are listing their PhDs. It's all nonsense. Rant over!

Yes, I do think that custom is old-fashioned. It could be fraught with etiquette pitfalls as well! The solicitor I worked for many years ago had the same first name as his father, and when his new wife insisted on calling herself 'Mrs Bartholomew Entwistle' I received an irate phone call from Mr E's mother claiming that only she was permitted to use that particular title!

Don't particularly mind being referred to as wife of, but do take exception to letters being addressed to me as Mrs and husband's Christian name, I know the older generation used to do this but I have a friend who I was at school with who does it on birthday cards, I find it very strange.

Once, many years ago, I was at a party with my then husband. A mutual friend who knew us both separately tried to introduce us. He was a bit embarrassed that he hadn't made the connection, but I was delighted that someone knew me as myself and not as I's wife.

When DH was in the army we were always refered to as 'wife of'. It used to annoy me. Now i'm quite happy to be the wife

I was a daughter, sister and niece. Now I am a wife,mother and grandmother.I'm also a sister-in-law,an aunt and a great-aunt but they don't seem as significant to me as the others. I too am content.

Being a wife has not been central to my life. Motherhood is different - it is a lifelong commitment. I used to be annoyed if anybody just introduced me as F's wife - I was a person in my own right, with a successful career and many interests.