What to do about a 'tribute' when a dear friend dies.

My gut feeling kittylester is that one should always go with what feels right and natural with you. Perhaps its easier for the younger ones to go for the more computer based option, perhaps thats why the family suggested it. Death is always such a difficult and emotional time and I'm sure your dear friend would not want you to be worrying about such things. All the best.

kitty Condolences for the loss of your friend. I think you should do what feels right to you in terms of your relationship with his widow and family and your own feelings about your relationship with your late friend. Some people prefer not to wear their hearts on their sleeves while some find it comforting to spill out all their feelings for others to read and know. You have already done the truly kind and courteous thing in contacting your friend's widow, both in person and with a letter (and aren't they hard to write?) If a visitors' book (what are they really visiting?) and candles seem too much to you, then don't do it.

kitty so sorry about the loss of your friend. I agree with Hilda, don't do anything that feels uncomfortable for you, you have done what you felt was right, that is enough. My friends who have lost their husbands really appreciated and treasured the letters that were sent, and as absent says they are difficult to write.

Kitty

I appreciate how you feel, very awkward one this. I know it might not be appropriate but I think that there is a connection for me as to how much you felt you would like to donate. I would find it awkward say if I wanted to donate £30 having to light a candle and make a written tribute 3 times.

Have you contacted the Funeral Directors, I am sure they might be able to accept a belated envelope, which in turn will be noted by the family as I beleive a list is sent by them to the family and it is probably well within the time scale.Or have you contacted MacMillan directly as I am sure there is a way they could help.

When my son died, I did not have as much to do with the funeral arrangements as I would have liked, it all seemed to get taken over by my exdh's partner. I do remember that there was a book at the place where the after service "do" was held, and I also saw people writing in it.

My ex and his psychotic partner have now parted, and I have no idea where the book is. I was in too much of a daze to ask to see the book just after the event, but now wish that I could see it. (I did join Facebook so that I could read what his friends had posted on his "wall" and some of the posts made me smile)

So, what I'm trying to say here is that if you feel you can write something, especially if it is about a good memory that you have of the person then do, for it may provide some comfort or even a smile in the time to come.

Thank you all for your contributions. phoenix

We have done what we think is best and, unless the tribute page becomes flooded with messages etc, we will leave it as it is and put money in one of the envelopes that are to be provided at the service.

I have never heard of anything like this and wondered if it usual? Luckily, it is a while since we went to the funeral of anyone other than an acquaintance so maybe have missed this trend. I don't like it much!!